AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

In my day you were automatically a member? But that was 30 years ago :(

I would email your HoD with a summary of the meeting in order to document the accusations about you by C1. Maybe ask what next steps are now with regard to seating, since C1 is proposing changes (both his initial taking of your desk and his new commandeering of the office) which do not address the accusations he made and that his accusations are either slanderous (if untrue) or (if true) his handling of them was egregious to the extent it has been detrimental to your team and your HoD's ability to perform effectively.

You are being completely hung out to dry by your ineffective HoD here, part of what you need to do, I think, is make sure things are documented in a way that allows you to draw on it later without them being able to pretend you just made it up.

Yes document everything by sending 'just to document our meeting' type emails every time. Essential to do this. Also (call me paranoid if you like) print them off and take the paperwork home with you every time. And print off copies of all previous correspondence and take it home. And call ACAS.

Nothing scares a company into proper action like the words "I'm taking legal advice". Seriously, they're not handling things very well at all are they? Those words will prompt the Company Secretary to call their employment lawyers who will spell it out for them and tell them how to behave.

You can always bcc the emails to your personal email address.

Maybe also mention that you do not want C1 handling your personal possessions in case he takes it upon himself to move you again when you are out. Talk to your uni tutor or lecturers about what's happening if you can, they might be able to give you moral support if nothing else. They might have links with the local surveying community. Speak to ACAS. Some solicitors give an initial free interview and some might do no win no fee agreements if you get to dismissal. Check insurance etc.

You can join a union whenever you like. They may not be able to help with this incident but will help with any that arise in future.

If your hod backs c1 and agrees you have been loud to make you go away he will need to refer to the witnesses that complained. Dates, times, emails etc. You should be told who these are and given the opportunity to interview them.
I suspect this evidence won't exist.

Hod may have been in contact with his boss by email which is why they came down. If the worst happens and you end up in tribunal then you can request disclosure/copies of emails between them relating to this.

C1 is full of shit though.

Oh and also - ask for a copy of all the relevant procedures. Disciplinary, complaints, grievance etc.

You need to talk to someone professionally about this and you need to do so right now. You need to not make any move without it being agreed as the right move to make from a legal standpoint. You have the most to lose here and if there is going to be fallout from it which ends up with you terminating your employment with them, the rest of your career is riding on you protecting yourself as best you possibly can.

The other thing you need to do is get this thread pulled ASAP as it is way too identifying.

I agree Imscarlet, legal advice at this stage is critical. The OP is operating in a hostile environment.

Actions and words that may seem reasonable to people on here may put the OP on very shaky ground in terms of evidence that those clowns could pull together and use against her. There's no telling the depths they wouldn't be prepared to stoop, even if she is in the right.

And then there's the fact it could end up in the Press....

Here in Brazil, if you take legal action against a company you always win, but marketwise it turns against you, that is, if potential employers find out that you have sued your former employer, they don't give you a job.
Happy, I haven't read all the posts, but is quitting an option?

I think the company must think a lot of the OP. They have invested thousands of pounds in her doing a degree and accommodated that. I can't believe that they are trying to get rid of her part way, that makes no sense whatsoever.

These are the actions of one (maybe C2 too) man who is being petty and spiteful and the situation has escalated due to a HoD who is spineless.

I think the OP needs to take a deep breath here and think about what she wants out of this situation and how she feels it can be resolved. If the OP is happy with the new new desk arrangements then keep pushing for that to happen. It's up to the HoD to negotiate with C1 not the OP. If he's choosing to tantrum or move into the spare office, don't get involved.

I wonder if there needs to be a clear the air meeting for the whole department and try and get this sorted before things escalate further. That would be in everyone's best interest. Just everyone take a deep breath and try to resolve things calmly.

This is a 'possible route' suggestion, you would have to think about it and think about your situation.

If your GP were to sign you off work for four weeks with stress (s)he would then provide you with a 'fit note' when you returned, it states you are fit to work but also any thing the employer needs to do to enable you to return to work.

When you talk to ACAS ask them about the situation with your employer paying your uni fees - something about that isn't right, they are not paying your fees if you are being paid less because they are taking the money off you. Consider paying them yourself if you are eligible for a student loan, you will be better off financially. By any chance do the men go to uni? If so then you are owed that 6K because they are being paid more than you.

The HOD seems to be fixated on the desk but that really is not the issue any more and I think the HOD needs to have that pointed out to him clearly as he obviously just does not get it!

It is more about how C1 has treated the OP, how he has spoken to her, lied about her and made her feel uncomfortable. Also how he has got others in his "pod gang" feel awkward so they have changed how they are with her. He has also undermined the HOD by acting on the "complaints" of the other team and moving the desks.

The HOD needs to find out exactly who is supposed to have complained and speak with them. If it shows that it is all bullshite then again this shows C1 to be a liar and he should be dealt with accordingly. C1 also needs to explain his thought process as to why moving OP to another seating area would help with the noise levels.

I think a bit of perspective is needed. All this talk of lawyering up and constructive dismissal is getting a bit silly.

It's important to remember that until the op came back from holiday bar an event that she can't quite recall (where she had her things moved to the office and may have been shut in) she was not unhappy and did not feel bullied. She has also said she "is no angel" or words to the effect which imply that she may be part of the problem or at least have been a willing participant in the banter. Of course she may not be but the simple fact is we just don't know.

What we're now looking at is a squabble over a desk that had got way out of hand and a crap manager. Neither of those is actionable.

I think some of those feeding the drama have very little idea of the realities of proving claims of sex discrimination; the reality of taking a claim for bullying or harassment before an employment tribunal or court and no idea at all about how hard constructive dismissal is to prove. The reality is that doing any of those things or taking the steps to do them is bloody hard and egging the op on because the drama is exciting from the other side of your screen is not kind or fair.

C1 sounds very controlling. Good fun until he doesn't get his own way. Navigating shark infested waters describes it well.

I think the company must think a lot of the OP. They have invested thousands of pounds in her doing a degree

Unfortunately that's a sunk cost fallacy. Whatever they invested in her back then doesn't necessarily immunise her from the dickish behaviour of a spineless HoD and twattish C1. It can easily get kicked into the long grass that she used to be perceived as a rising star. A fall from grace is a strong reality if the OP doesn't get her ducks in a row. Ha! I've been in corporate life too long with my buzzword bollox.

I still think you should not do anything today. C1 has escalated this himself by his behaviour yesterday, so I would just lie low and see what HoD does. If he does not do anything in the next couple of days, I would send a summary email as suggested or talk to HoD, but this may work out without any more involvement from you.

What we're now looking at is a squabble over a desk that had got way out of hand and a crap manager. Neither of those is actionable.

That's the trouble with these sorts of threads. It just becomes people's entertainment. It's easy to throw ideas around about CD and resignation etc etc. It won't stack up when all facts, including unknown ones, are put under scrutiny.

When you talk to ACAS ask them about the situation with your employer paying your uni fees

ACAS's remit doesnt include giving advice about company benefits, remunerations etc

It would be something they would point the OP towards ... yup ...

[altogether now....]

The HR Department !!

What we're now looking at is a squabble over a desk that had got way out of hand and a crap manager. Neither of those is actionable.

Agreed, the talk of legal advice over a desk is baffling

I'm going to write up notes tomorrow and send them to HoD and then call ACAS for advice.

Lots of suggestions flying around, but this seems a sensible course of action. Perhaps the sooner the better with the notes and perhaps get advice here again before sending.

I get the impression you were well served by your previous e-mail. It has not acheived the outcome you wanted yet, but it sounds like C1 is now behaving very irrationally, whereas you look as if you are taking a measured approach.

Keep everything rational, keep everything documented. And hopefully ACAS will advise you, even if they don't get fully involved.

That's the trouble with these sorts of threads. It just becomes people's entertainment. It's easy to throw ideas around about CD and resignation etc etc. It won't stack up when all facts, including unknown ones, are put under scrutiny.

I totally agree. Many posters are just trying to increase the drama for their own enjoyment and probably wouldn't dream of taking their own advice.

Although contacting ACAS for advice is not necessarily a bad idea (better than taking advice for some of the posters on this thread), I wouldn't do anything else at the moment apart from take notes (unless advised by ACAS obviously). If you do, it won't look good and will probably backfire.
Whilst the HoD has been useless up to now, he is probably not at all happy with C1s actions so wait and see what happens.

Totally agree. OP is already wasting time and energy while her colleagues are probably not even thinking about it. Men don't care. Truthfully, nobody cares.

This:
If you are a member of Students Union there may be cover provided by that?

As a student you should have lots of support available to you, please do look into all the options at Uni. You are not being supported at work. This would also be a good time to look at your employment contract and see what their end of the bargain is, and what escape clause there is.

You are not in the wrong!