AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

Your issue isn't C1, it's the HoD. It seems like his management of the team has been poor for some time. The last chat you had with the HoD was appalling. I would definitely advise against sending an email saying he can deal with it informally as he has so far shown that he can't deal with it at all. Keep your options open for now. If this escalates then you don't want your hands tied.

C1 realises that he's been a twat and has made a fool of himself and is potentially going to get in a lot of trouble over this. If it were true about the noise then they need to split up C1 and C2, not put them together. Be careful of him. He's a wounded animal and very dangerous. It's a bad idea for you to have any more chats with him by yourself. Keep focussing on the HoD and getting him to deal with the issue. That's his job.

Has the HoD shuffled the desks up yet? If not, why not? Is there any way to have them in a line rather than in pods? It's needs to be sorted as soon as possible.

Daisy

Cock 1 could not be more full of shit if he was an actual septic tank. It may not feel like it but this is good news op.he clearly is not able to play the subtle game that could be very effective in making you look bad. It is however very important you take notes in every conversation and send an email summarising them afterwards.

You now need to email your HoD and dispute the allegations and say that C1 is bullying you.
That you want to know the names and details of the accusations. Because you believe them to be false, and state that there is clearly no option except to deal with this formally. (Mostly copied from another poster)

Verbally I'd really really want to ask incompetent HoD what he calls this behaviour from cock 1 if your polite email is 'going nuclear' . Outer space galaxy explosions? Surely someone here can help with a much better analogy .

Okay, having time to reflect I now think that what was said in the meeting has made it completely worse.

Either a) he has now made up lies to try and justify his behaviour. Attempting to say his actions were as a result of other departments complaining specifically about me, ergo blaming me for his actions. Lying maliciously is also another form of harassment/bullying.

B) If this complaints thing is true then he has also not acted appropriately by not disclosing these complaints to our HoD for him to deal with, he has kept them to himself and allowed me to continue on knowing I am preventing other staff members from working properly.

I personally don't believe that this noise thing is true because it doesn't fit. When he was baiting me before I left on holiday, he was saying things like "yeah, I like the look of your desk", "I'm having your desk", "it will suit me better" etc. It was NOT about a reshuffle, no one else moving was mentioned.

He also failed to bring this to my attention and explain this at our first informal chat yesterday.

If this was about noise control then how was moving me to an adjacent pod and not telling me I needed to keep my voice down, going to reduce noise levels?

One of my colleagues saw me upset in my car after the meeting and came over. She is very similar to me in that she is the only female on her team and deemed to be "loud" / "gobby". I asked her in confidentiality if any of her team had complained about me. She was very shocked as she said the people that got complained about the most were Colleague 2 and Colleague 4 (who left two weeks ago). She said there had been no complaints about our noise (jokey or otherwise) since Colleague 4 left 2 weeks ago. She also said she doesn't understand why this has happened now as I haven't been in for the past week or so.

I think I am going to ring ACAS and take their advice as my HoD really tried to say that C1 had apologised and that it was almost resolved and I am giving too much thought to 'a hypothetical situation' re. the alleged complaints.

In my view, it is not a hypothetical situation it is the reason C1 has given for his bullying actions and I feel this reason (true or not) should be discussed and considered, especially given the gravity of his reason.

I feel I am now being gas-lighted by C1 as he's trying to say his behaviour was as a result of me.

I had suggested that two team members sit on each pod, with C1 and C2 staying where they were and me and C3 moving to the second pod. HoD said that was a very mature and sensible suggestion and told C1 in the meeting that that is what was going to happen.

C1 then said he would be vacating my desk and going sitting in the spare office until indefinitely. When HoD said there was no need as a reasonable solution had been agreed with me, he insisted he would be moving into the office. If that is not a crystal clear indication that his problem lies with me, I don't know what is.

This is playing absolute havoc with my anxiety! [Sad]

Apologies for any typos - on my phone

It sounds like your HoD is gaslighting you as well, if he's trying to tell you that you are still over-reacting after C1 refused your reasonable solution!

C1 sounds even more twattish than before - he also sounds like he's panicking. Good.

Sorry this is still happening - it really sounds like he's trying to force you out altogether.

Definitely phone ACAS & see what they say. I'm another who believes that your rebuffs of him could be behind all of this.

Good luck.

What? So hes gets the office after his appalling behaviour? I think you need to point out to HoD that C1 is again undermining you, he has not apologised, and his solution not only benefits only himself but goes against the Directors previously stated wishes. Seriously, I manage people, if he lets him get away with this it will escalate. In some other form. He needs to make him back down, and sit where he was told to. Its not his front living room, its an office that belongs to the company.

Its not actually about the desk move any more. Calling ACAS is a good idea.

HoD that C1 is again undermining the him*

Completely lost now.

In the meeting where C1 stormed out, HoD stated that 'he had apologised'? When, exactly? In between the blatant lies and the storming out??

You've now suggested moving desk, and indeed giving your desk to C1, the chief ringleader? Why?

C1, despite having won the desk because you gave it up, then raises the stakes again by saying he's going to take a turn sulking in the office - and you think that's to do with you? That was obviously to try and regain some power with the HoD. You're sitting where he put you. The only difference between your solution and his is where C3 is sitting. So his reaction has nothing to do with that, as it appears on the face of it he has 'won'.

These so-called complaints really, really don't need to be investigated. The behaviour of C1 needs to be investigated and addressed. Not least because investigating your apparent loudness just gives them a stick to beat you with. The other HoD who complained about the coughing is clearly also a loon and controls his team by being ludicrously strict about noise.

I think it is also pertinent that the only woman on the other team is also referred to as 'loud'. Clearly they want to make sure the women on these teams are as meek as possible. What a dreadful place.

I would send another email to document what was said in that meeting.

At the end of the day, if there have been comments about your noise level which I very much doubt then these should have been raised with you.

A long time ago, something vaguely similar happened to me with a very difficult boss. In the meeting with HR, he said that I should leave as 'I was unhappy'. I pointed out to him that my partner had been very ill and I couldn't remember him asking me if I was okay/could he do anything to help? I laugh about it now because it made him look like an utter fool. The Head of HR hung her head in despair. I ended up leaving with a really good compromise agreement.

Lawyer. Up.
Don't engage further til you've had legal advice. Join union if you're not already. Gird your loins. Even if YOU want to get through the next few months with your head down it doesn't sound as though this guy is going to let that happen.

trib I'm trying to navigate what appears to be shark infested waters as best I can. I didn't want the Directors to have any opportunity to claim I am being ridiculous over a desk. By offering a solution I am comfortable with that doesn't include me going back to my old desk, limits their ability to say I am being unreasonable over what is just a desk, why does it matter where people sit, etc.

You've made a very good point re. him sitting in the office though. If all this moving about is to limit noise and if I am the main cause of that noise then what could possibly be gained from him sitting in the office? He has blantantly contradicted himself and made it obvious that he wants the control over who sits where. He wasnt happy I had suggested a reasonable solution and so had to change the goal posts again.

Wow. Can we all agree that C1 is an utter bag of bollocks?? He is a horrendous shit.

Never, ever, underestimate the male ego.

I learnt this the hard way many years ago.

Good luck OP.

C1 is acting very erratic. HoD still determined to sweep under the carpet. I'd get it all documented by email/paper and also ring ACAS and tell HoD that is what you're going to do as C1's behaviour is very odd and unjustified. Even if you accept the current "solution" something will come up again in the future so it must be fully documented. I can't believe the cheek of C1 saying he's now going in the office! And your HoD didn't turn round and say no, you're not, I'm in charge and you'll do what I say! Feckthemagicdragon is right.

Exactly what are the repercussions for C1 undermining his boss (HoD), arbitrarily moving you (never mind all the winding up before the event), lying about you, storming out of a meeting with his boss, arbitrarily now taking over the office etc? Nothing by the sounds of it. HoD is toothless! Would you be accorded the same if you had acted like this? I think not.

Keep turning the screws on HoD (i.e. by saying you're going to document it/ring ACAS for advice). He's the key to solving this. He needs to get his head out his arse and see what's happening and act. When is he going to wake up and realise this? He's C1's pet fucking monkey!

I don't think HoD is the key at all. I think escalating this bag of bollocks above HoD is the way to go, because HoD is mind blowingly pathetic.

I am extremely nervous now because of how badly that meeting went. I am not in the office tomorrow (uni) so god knows what they are going to discuss/ come up with.

I'm going to write up notes tomorrow and send them to HoD and then call ACAS for advice.

I'm not part of a union and I don't know if I would be eligible to join one with an ongoing dispute?

Are employment lawyers expensive? I am on a very low wage for my job because the company also pay my uni fees so pay me at the very least 6k less than colleagues.

Do you have legal cover on your car or home insurance?

Another one saying check your home insurance. Legal protection is a common extension on it and if you have it, you'll have access to a free 24/7 advice helpline where you can speak to someone about this. If it does end up going down the legal route and your policy covers employment disputes, then you should be in with a good chance of getting this covered if you do need to try and thrash out a compromise agreement - or go to a tribunal.

I don't own my house, I rent. I have contents cover though? Although don't think that would help. I also transferred over to the company car scheme last year

Will just have to see what ACAS say and look into unions etc.

Have a look at your contents policy documents - you can still get legal cover on contents only. You need to find a document called the 'schedule' as this will tell you exactly what you are covered for.

If you are a member of Students Union there may be cover provided by that?

NUS , I mean