AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

Why are you even entertaining the idea that he might be telling the truth? The whole thing is so riddled with lies that I see a great future for this guy at Breitbart.

1. If complaints had been made, they were not for him to action.
2. If complaints had been made and he had chosen to action them, why did he not tell HoD when HoD questioned what they were doing when they moved your stuff around in your absence?
3. As 2 but why did he not tell you upon your return, or when you spoke to him in private yesterday?

Answer - because what he has said is bullshit. For further evidence: the fact that he stormed out. Why would he be so angry if he was in the right?

Fortunately HoD backed you up but in future please do remember not to engage with ludicrous falsehoods. There was absolutely no need to ask him to list who and what and when. That was all just a distraction to get you defensive, upset and more likely to fly off the handle, thus proving his point (which you didn't do). The detail of his lie is not relevant. Reject the premise.

The real question is WTF HoD is going to do now. Is he really going to allow this douchebag to get away with actual insubordination?

"I am in complete shock and so humiliated at the thought of other staff members gossiping about me to each other and to members of my team and he didn't refer it to HoD or brought it up directly with me to tell me my conduct was inappropriate and allow me to address and correct it."
I T . N E V E R . H A P P E N E D . Seriously, he's lying. Think back to the conversation where you asked if there was a problem and he smirked and told you he just wanted your desk. And - and, you informed you HoD by email that C1 had "Colleague 1 did not acknowledge or inform me of any “issue” that may have arisen between us, either professionally or personally. He merely stated that he “wanted my desk” and the incident was a “company reshuffle” which you have stated you did not authorise or indeed, have any knowledge of." You are totally covered. And he is totally lying.

He's lying. If he was so concerned about professionalism that he moved the team about in response to complaints, then why would he act like a spoiled toddler and storm out of a meeting with his boss - which is the ultimate in unprofessional behaviour? Or is it only 'unprofessional behaviour' when it's you?

C1 is starting to feel backed into a corner and has lashed out by lying. He's so arrogant he thinks he can influence HoD. If there had been complaints they would have been made to HoD not C1. Even if there had been complaints C1 should not have taken it upon himself to make a change of seating! HoD should have stopped it while it was happening or just after. Both are in hot water and starting to feel it. I think you can win this. HoD between a rock and a hard place - but he put himself there - he chooses to do the right thing professionally and do what he should have done from the start and put C1 in his place or he continues to be a chicken in which case you report all of this. Put the pressure on HoD. He needs to man up. Personally I'd tell him straight this is not going to go well for him or C1. If he's got half a brain cell he'll see it.

He's lying and trying to cover his ass.

You know better. He made that clear when you talked to him the first time about the move, all the smirking, etc.

Your HofD knows better. He made that clear when he contradicted Col1.

HofD needs to have your back, pull Col1 up for (a) taking your desk and being a nasty bully, (b) lying, and (c) storming out when HofD told him he was to stay.

Don't put it past C1 to find another buddy in the other department about noise coming from you, but they'll be lies too. These are serious offences in the work place. Really serious. He must be shitting himself but he's so arrogant he won't back down unless made. I'd take great pleasure in breaking him. Arsehole.

He has turned into a poo flinging chimp. There is no truth to his allegations. If there had been, given your recent problems with him, do you honestly think he would have kept them to himself?

He will try to drag C2 and C3 into this but they will probably turn out to be strangely unaware of anyone having said anything (to anybody ever about anything even the weather!). Serious arse covering will be the order of the day.

I really hope this becomes one of those threads that goes on for a while but ends up with justice prevailing.

Tell HoD can you see what I'm dealing with now? You think I'm over-reacting but there is no limit to what he will do. If he can blatantly lie in front of you, showing you great disrespect, what do you think he's capable of when it's just me and him? Don't you see HoD this is why I've escalated it and want it sorted formally. You sort it or it has to be done properly.

He has turned into a poo flinging chimp.

This is definitely my quote of the day.

I wouldn't be accepting a reshuffle. That'll be HoD trying to cosy up to C1 so he doesn't lose face. You were all fine the way you were.

I really hope this becomes one of those threads that goes on for a while but ends up with justice prevailing.

For the sake of the OP i hope it is resolved quickly in her best interests

annielouise good point, well brought up. Proof positive that Cock 1 is behaving appallingly unprofessionally and it's not just banter and you being sensitive.

Thanks Arken. Loads of good points made - we all saw through C1's lies straight away, but he got Happy worrying.

Yes good point - if the shit really hits the fan a good way out could be a compromise agreement. You could ask that they pay for your studies to finish at no cost to you and give you a reference and in return you won't pursuit a claim against them for sexual discrimination / bullying / harassment / constructive dismissal etc

Yes. I made the same point earlier. Pursuing formal route may give you leverage for an exit on your terms. I think this situation has gone too far for it to be resolved easily.

A compromise agreement was what I suggested too, except I couldn't remember the proper term

That said, it sounds as though the tide may be turning...! Really hope so, OP.

Sounds like C1 is digging a hole for himself.

I suggest that regardless of what might happen next, you minute the meeting and copy to the HoD and maybe C1 as well. Unless they challenge it, it will be your recollections that are on record and it will be a useful aide memoir for you too.

You could say that you are surprised that this is the first you have heard of these allegations against you and that your hod was unaware of therm as you would expect any such issues to be raised with your HoD who would address them with you. C1 is not your line manager. In other words C1 is talking bollocks but you are not directly accusing him of lying. Keep the tone calm, professional and as far as possible objective and detached.

I think by his behaviour in this meeting C1 may have shot himself in the foot.He has shown himself up in front of his boss and has now added making unsubstantiated allegations to his list of bullying techniques.

He's lying Op. Stand your ground. Good luck.

Re your update at Wed 22-Mar-17 13:19:15

Email him copying in who you think should know (his line manger) asking him to put the options in writing so you can consider them.

Re update at Wed 22-Mar-17 17:33:14 Where is his paper trail? No paper trail it didn't happen.

What an arse! Hopefully he's gone roo far even for your spineless HoD now. It might be worth reiterating how, as per your earlier email, that C1 had told you directly that he had only moved because he wanted your desk and had denied that there was any issue and how shocked you were at his allegations and of course if any could be proven to have any truth you would be keen to work on improving but until then

As OP mentioned Cock 1 throwing paper I wouldn't be surprised if someone else had told him to keep the noise down and now he's lying about it being OP. But he's def making up bullshit. After all, he said that he just wanted her desk, not that there had been complaints.

"I'm sure HOD, as with any good manager, you are horrified by these allegations....... I'm sure if true you would have been aware of any deficiencies in your team, and if appropriate to me, would have made me aware of them, given me new targets and supported my improvement to meet them..........I can't believe C1 is criticising your team management now............

But if that was the case, moving you wouldn't address the issue.
Complete and utter baloney.

He has shown himself up to the HoD by the storming out. HoD sounds like a wet rag, but hopefully he cops on a bit.

Hopefully when the bigwigs 'upstairs' do an After Action Review on this entire debacle, they'll come to the conclusion that

They need an HR Department !!