AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

If you back down now they will treat you as they see fit for the rest of the time you work here. Safe in the knowledge there will be no fallout for them.

If you don't back down they will either still treat you the same and you will have to escalate or they will back down to your face.

I don't think you should allow this to be swept under the rug and I think you shod email your HoD again stating you disagree with his shifting everyone around due to one persons bullying.

This person should be dealt with and if he has to be warned that is his fault for being a sexist bully.

Absolute nonsense from your HOD - there's no legal requirement to include information like that in a reference. In fact unless you're in a regulated industry or it's written into your contract you don't have to give a reference at all. But if you do, it can be as little as job title, salary and start date.

Your HOD is the problem here. Disgraceful management.

First get legal advice. I know a good employment lawyer and can PM you.

Second, slightly contingent on what a lawyer says, let them start the formal process. Why the fuck not? Your HoD is useless and your colleague is a bully.

I think you now need this in Employment Issues topic.

What your HoD has done is put the onus on you to manage the situation which is brutally unfair. Don't be swayed by the thought that C1's career might be damaged. That is not your fault. He chooses to behave the way he does. How many times have you read on here that it's not for you to take responsibility for another adult's behaviour?

I think your responses to your crappy manager are spot on. Yes, let it go 'upstairs' - he won't come out of this looking good. It is sexist bullying behaviour - I take it you know of no one else in your company that this has happened to?

Best of luck and stay strong.

I would definitely go for the informal method. I don't think you have lost as you have made it clear that you won't be walked over and your colleagues are unlikely to try something like this ever again. I'm sure that the HOD will tell him that he has only just missed disciplinary proceedings.

Your HOD is now trying to bully you himself !!!

Yes indeed MiniCooperLover!

Personally? I would have one last go at talking to colleague 1. Tell him if the dispute goes ahead it goes on his record and his future references

Do not do this, you could then be accused of bullying him.

As your company policy according to your hod appears to be 'ask employees what to do' I would echo that you need professional help. Either Acas or a pps kind offer of an employment lawyer

what is HoD afraid of? This is so simple to sort, HoD needs to tell Coll 1 to go back to his own desk and apologise, and make it clear that any other forms of harassment or attempts to exclude will be treated formally and will go on his record.

He is effectively challenging HoDs authority as well as trying to exclude you. And the HoD is afraid of any consequences so it trying to get you to drop it. Have you called ACAS? www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1864

I have read everything and agree you are being bullied, and now HoD is trying to bully you into doing it the easy way (for him) and backing down. If I were you, I'd go for it being passed further up, to be dealt with by company policy. C1 getting xyz on his record is not your problem. Don't let them make it your problem! If he didn't want to risk these consequences, he shouldn't have bullied you in the first place. And contact ACAS asap to establish exactly what you should do next.

Your HoD is inept and seems to be panicking that he may be exposed for not dealing with the situation properly / well. At this point there isn't a lot of choice I think, the email has been sent so it is now "in the system" and company policy should be followed. Your HoD really shouldn't be speaking to you in this way either.
Stay calm, keep lots of notes.
As a side point, is there another company or office you can be transferred to in order to complete your training (apologies if that has been covered earlier in the thread)? It seems to me that Colleague 1 (and possibly 2 and HoD) are trying to obstruct your progress. Yo need to be aware of all your options. Good luck.

I echo getting advice from your union or ACAS, and then aiming for option 2.

what is HoD afraid of? This is so simple to sort, HoD needs to tell Coll 1 to go back to his own desk and apologise, and make it clear that any other forms of harassment or attempts to exclude will be treated formally and will go on his record.

He is effectively challenging HoDs authority as well as trying to exclude you. And the HoD is afraid of any consequences so it trying to get you to drop it. Have you called ACAS? www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1864

Absolutely agree with this

Well, if colleague 1 will swap back today, you can send a follow up email saying colleague 1 has swapped back so you don't feel a need to take the matter any further this time.

If he won't swap then that's his lookout.

Totally agree that HoD is trying to get out of the fact that he hasn't handled this well and is trying to avoid being reprimanded himself. You do not need to ask him to handle this informally - you already tried that route and it didn't help. It needs escalating if only so that someone in the company finally puts together a proper policy on grievance and managers get some training in handling HR issues.

I would repeat my earlier post some pages back about offering HOD an easy way out - whether that is a transfer / a [written] confirmation that your fees will paid / resignation with excellent references / whatever.

For whatever reason, he really doesn't want this to go upstairs , and he is equally pathetic leery of dealing with C1. So if you can give him a way out that suits you, he might just grab it with both hands.

Your manager is quite the damp squib in dealing with this isn't he? I don't think you had gone 'nuclear' on it. Going 'nuclear' would involve external bodies, unions and solicitors and such to get the matter sorted. You're giving your manager ample opportunity to resolve the matter in house and without escalation.
I'm fairly sure that there are more options than the two he has put to you. He could deal with your concerns as you have outlined them to him and not feel the need to pass the buck upstairs. He could step up to the plate and actually deal with Colleague 1 by having a word with him, telling him that the way he has treated you is bordering on bullying and that if he doesn't tow the line, he will be formally disciplined. Usually in matters such as these, the perpetrator gets a '3 strikes' type rule applied to them - verbal warning, written warning and then it gets big time serious.
All that you're looking for is the situation and seating arrangements to go back to the way they were before you took your allocated leave. Your manager has to step up and sort it out. Should be possible to do without referring the matter upstairs.

If that doesn't work, then do as someone suggested up thread that you arrive in early one morning, move all of the belongings of Colleague 1 to another desk and say "Sorry, tried the other arrangement. It wasn't working so we're going back to the way things were" and keep working.

TeenandTween yes! It really is that simple!

I definitely wouldn't do option 1.

If you can't bring yourself to do Option 2 (and you totally could!!)

I'd speak in person to HoD to say it's option 3 or option 1. Option 3 = serious informal bollocking and you moving back to your original desk and sitting with colleague 2 or 3 (or you claiming th office you are in now as "your office" with a fucking name plaque.

Your HoD is trying to make this all your fault now, isn't he? I would go for option 2, personally. Because this is just a new form of bullying.

The HOD's response is just another form of sexist behaviour. OP, as a woman, is expected to "be nice", "keep quiet", be the "peace keeper". Make no mistake, none of this would have happened if she were a man. Stick with option 2 OP. Don't let them brush it under the carpet because otherwise I can guarantee you'll be back in the same position, complaining against some other knobby behaviour in a couple of months.

Another point to mention-and sorry if another expert has already raised this-as you have made a complaint about sex discrimination/harassment, any further detrimental treatment suffered by you will be classed as victimisation. This is treated EXTREMELY seriously by Employment Tribunals and is actually quite difficult for employers to defend. It also attracts higher compensation. I agree with a PP, you should seek legal advice. ACAS have their uses but are not legal experts.

In no way are you being silly. They really are being disrespectful and unprofessional, but I have to agree with BackforGood there: you have a space on your own and maybe you should enjoy that, a kind of when-life-gives-you-lemons-make-lemonade thing. I would, however, document everything that is happening and try to find out if there's someone who can back you up on this, because, sadly reporting it all to HR could backfire and make you look like a troublemaker who's making a fuss over such a simple thing. And people like that colleague of yours have a way of make their "victims" out to be the monsters. I would keep my head down for a while and document eveything that happens from now on. Just make a move when you're sure there's someone you can trust and will back you up.

I disagree with the majority of posters (it seems!) as I really don't think it will do your career any favours if you insist that disciplinary proceedings start. It's easy for posters on here to make suggestions that will up the drama but they're not the ones who will need to live with the consequences. I wonder if they would be so blase about it if they were the ones in your shoes. You can tell your HOD that you will choose the informal route if he tells your colleague to get off your desk.

Have you read 'Snakes in Suits'?