AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

RTFT, there is no HR! OP has emailed the head of department and is awaiting the outcome of this.

Anyone else getting increasingly enraged by the number of people not reading the full thread and telling the OP to talk to HR?

Clearly yes

It's bullying and serial discrimination. Your manager should be managing this jot condoning it. Log a complaint with HR.

Just cancel the cheque, ProseccoBitch

I just don't understand why OP hasn't cancelled the cheque.

NOT condoning!

I would reclaim the desk and announce if they want to sit together then they can all move into the empty pod. I would
also say, while you are at it, for
the guy to stop using your cup ... tell him it is your cup and you don't want him using it - if he is short of a cup direct him to where there are plenty of spares. It may still result in you working on your own but you will be rid of them all and regained your desk and have given a show of strength. Presumably they will replace the person who has left at some point and you will hopefully have a nice new person to sit with - hopefully someone less petty minded. I am sorry this is happening by what sound like schoolboy bullies. Be firm and fair but stand your ground. You can do this .. often when challenged with reasonable behaviour bullies have no option but to back down.

Yep. But once a thread goes beyond 100 messages then forget it. People seem to think it's vitally important that they post their snippet of advice, without pausing to think about the likelihood of things having moved on, or additional information having been disclosed, when the thread has over 500 posts on it!

I appreciate people don't always have time to read every single post - and they want to be helpful. All easily sorted by changing your settings to highlight the OP's post so you can skim a thread and check if they have updated before you post.

Anyway - good luck today OP. Don't take any shit and please ignore the previous advice from people to get upset or cry. If you do this then it's easy to dismiss you as a 'hysterical female'. Be calm, collected and firm.

Do your desk drawers lock? Get in early, reclaim your mug and when you aren't using it then keep it locked in your drawers.

Please document all this and speak to HR.

FFS.

Law of diminishing returns, nothing you've done so far is making any difference.

2 days of zero productivity over man-child deciding to claim a desk.

I'd just quietly let it fizzle out, and bury yourself in you role, OP. Lose the battle to win the war. It could end up spiralling into a disciplinary at this rate and that's not something to get embroiled in.

And you don't need an HR department to know that

Cancel the cheque! And yes, I agree - in a long thread I am coming to late, I read through the OP's posts (easily distinguishable due to handy highlighting feature).

I also wonder if C1 is going to take this to the extreme of just flat out refusing to move, knowing that HoD will ultimately have to back down as he can't go to his boss saying "C1 won't move desk when I tell him".

OP, you mentioned C1 had been looking for another job, I think. I wonder if he's failed to get a job (possibly lost out to a woman, imagine that if you will) and so is now bucking for promotion at the current place by acting like a big dog. He already has the beta males under his command, so you and your desk are both obstacles to him being seen as the natural successor to the HoD.

Just read the full thread and am so angry for you OP! I really hope it gets sorted and something gets done about their twattish behaviour! Well done for staying so calm and professional. They're clearly threatened by you and they certainly should be! You're worth ten of them!

While there isnt an HR department (yes, I have RTFT) this doesnt absolve them from normal HR responsibilities. This can work to the OP's advantage. They are likely to be less comfortable/familiar with formal grievance type procedures.

I would still recommend contacting ACAS on their helpline: 0300 123 1100. I am a fully qualified professional. Just having contacted them and told my line manager made him realise that he had stepped into a situation which he couldnt simply set his own rules for.

I think OP has done enough already and it is best not to anything further. Any more action by OP could backfire.
The HOD will probably move everyone as a result of this incident and although it doesn't fully sort out the problem I think it gets across the message that OP won't be pushed around. C1 and C2 will probably think twice about engaging in this sort of childish behaviour in the future and if they do, OP will be able to add it onto the documented list of complaints.

I do hope that you manage to resolve this horrible situation. Keep us posted. This is a long thread so it's not altogether surprising that some readers haven't got the time to read it in its entirety.

for you happy.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a man-hater but it's a shame that MN doesn't have a smiley for a 'metaphorical kick in the bollocks' which is clearly what this idiot needs. How about it boffins?

You Totally need to speak to HR!!!

As for the mug, buy yourself a shiny new one and make a brew then walk casually past him as he is drinking from your old one. Let your mouth fall open in horror, gasp and say " oh no, I totally forgot to throw that mug away after I used it to collect a urine sample. I hope you washed it. I will let you know if what I have is contagious shall I ?"

FFS FP239 read the full bloody thread, there IS NO HR DEPT.

Gnome this is good advice

For everyone, there is no HR but there is the company secretary who acts on HR issues. OP says that this man is very sexist and will just refer straight to the director anyway ( also sexist and with a history of counting OP as a difficult woman) -- hope I've got that right OP.

But Gnome has a point, they will be terrified of any official procedure since they won't be used to dealing with them and the director will certainly not want to be dirtying his hands/ putting up with the hassle and paperwork. You could email "whilst I will sit where my HoD asks me to...." which will be organised by the HoD ( today?) "I will not be expecting any more issues with crapforbrains1 or this will trigger and official grievance." (find out how to do this with ACAS).

My feeling is that Headwithoutspine of department will be more anxious to avoid this than feeding his bromance with crapforbrains 1.

PS squishy hugs sound lovely

Is there any potential that c1 fancies you? It's such weird petty teenage behaviour. Just because you say you used to be decent friends. I used to have a guy in high school who was downright awful to me, we bumped into each other in a bar a few years later and he came clean that his awful behaviour was because he liked me. I'm still bloody confused at his reasoning. Just wondering if it's crossed your mind.

Shatner I think FP was joking. Ffs indeed.

Sorry Room
OP has been subjected to years of low level bullying and this is the latest escalation. It will not go away if she leaves it, it will just get worse.
She has two years to go and needs to stop this rot. So far she has spoken to her boss, very calmly, moved to a seat of her choice and sent one professional email stating what has happened. I think she is fully justified follow through now.

Dulci Oops, you're right, I missed seeing the smiley. Apologies to FP

Happy - reading your thread with interest and hoping for a good outcome for you.

Just to give some input I am also a female working in a very similar male dominated industry. Company set up is also similar in that there is no HR department and CS deals with HR as a sideline to usual job.

I know it is unusual in this day in age but some companies still function in a very old fashioned way and where I work directors would not be worried about this situation because most people never actually act on grievances. They are very much of the opinion that you get a bad egg out no matter the consequences because they are detrimental to the company. We have had a few people over the years shouting "employment law" etc but only 1 person has ever actually gone to a tribunal.

I can totally sympathize with the OP because if she is truly stuck there due to her training etc I believe the company will do nothing to help her knowing full well that she can shout as loud as she wants but at the end of the day they have the upper hand. This is how my company functions.

Yes, i know it's hard to believe but some places are still in the dark ages when it comes to employment law!