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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

930 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 20/03/2017 10:38

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

OP posts:
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MrsC45 · 21/03/2017 19:17

Great idea fairann! What twats they are, yanbu and could easily take this up with HR (or an employmentioned lawyer) but I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing you stressed out, try and own it and enjoy the extra space away from the said twats! Good luck x

gingeristhenewblack43 · 21/03/2017 19:18

Can't offer any advice about the desk situation that hasn't already been said. But next time you see him with your mug I would say something like 'Oh dear, I hope you don't catch my coldsore' or similar. Good luck OP.

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 21/03/2017 19:19

You've handled it really well so far.

What a hideous situation. If a bloke was in this situation and stood up for himself everyone would say he was assertive. Woman in the same situation would be called a hysterical bitch.

Working in an office can be so wearing...

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 21/03/2017 19:21

Grin at PyongyangKipperbang

I would walk over and take my mug out of his hand as he is drinking. Arrogant twat.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/03/2017 19:26

In all seriousness re the mug.

Next time he is using it just look shocked and say "oh! err...." SmirkyMcSmugcunt will say "problem!?" or something equally irritating at which point you try to stifle a laugh, smirk and say "No, no problem!"

It will fucking bug the SHIT out of him wondering what is wrong with the mug or his drink.... :o

WankStainWasher · 21/03/2017 19:32

Your new mug Grin

AIBU to be angry at colleagues?
Shammz · 21/03/2017 19:36

This is probably another form of gender discrimination, which happpens a lot without it being reported, so actually the stats are probably higher in reality. Your team are clearly picking on you cos you're female and the fact that the jerk just smirked shows that they are trying to bully you indirectly and directly. For the HoD to say "I'm not getting involved" is insane - he's there to manage colleague relationships, promote a better working environment and ensure thehe everyone meets their targets.

I think it's definately something you should complain to HR about in writing because it's not just about a desk, it's about the way you're being treated by your all make colleagues and stress that you feel disadvantaged as you returned from annual leave to find a decision of office moving had been made without your consent AND the HoD said they did it without permission!

Whatever happens, whether something is done about it or not, you have to raise this discrimination issue in writing. Seems to me the starting point of more bullying behaviour in the future. Confused

Mustang27 · 21/03/2017 19:38

Sorry place marking as I'd love to see this resolved in your favour op.....as it should have been from the very beginning.

Norland · 21/03/2017 19:41

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself

So you have 2 x pods capable of seating 4 people at each pod?

Pod A had 3 x people
Pod B had 2 x people
Total staff = 5
1 x person left leaving total staff = 4?

Each pod can seat 4. Why didn't everybody in the team all sit in 1 pod?

I've read all your posts; don't know if it's sexist behaviour - but given you're the sole female it could be deemed to be - but irrespective of sex, it's bullying.

annielouise · 21/03/2017 19:42

What a spineless shit your manager is! Quite clearly scared of C1. Pursue it. You'll be annoyed with yourself in years to come if you don't. Whatever senior management's feelings about you they must be professional. What a bunch of fucking arseholes. If it's not resolved to your satisfaction is there any way you can ask them to consult an HR department for mediation or something? That might bring home to them how unprofessional they are.

PlumsGalore · 21/03/2017 19:48

This makes my blood boil, sending support op you are doing a sterling job x

38cody · 21/03/2017 19:48

I agree you are being bullied op.
I'm so sorry - it's horrible. I've been there.
Your line manager is a spineless wanker- if you go over his head then you'll be labelled a fussy over-reactive hormonal woman. Grrrr.

It's s tricky one - leave a fine layer of splitte in you mug - preferably from your dog - and enjoy watching him drink from it. You could even say "Did that coffee taste good?" Smirk knowingly - admit nothing!
Be the better woman, and look for a new job.

Do email every incident to yourself so it's recorded, however trivial.
Do you have a decent union?

RiversrunWoodville · 21/03/2017 19:48

Hopefully hod has made good use of his day off by growing a pair and will actually come in tomorrow and manage the situation

IhatchedaSnorlax · 21/03/2017 19:50

Apologies as I haven't read the full thread so maybe this has been discussed already, but can you raise a grievance with HR?

They'd have to do a formal investigation so would have to take it seriously.

I agree not to back down as they're bullies. Good luck.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 19:52

On the subject of the mug pinching, I did invest in a hugely passive aggressive mug a few weeks before christmas. Maybe not so much passive aggressive as out right telling them to literally fuck off.

Mug 'went missing' after less than a week, never to be seen again.

HoD is back in tomorrow but thing C1 is actually out for the morning. Maybe thst HoD speaks to me about it after having heart palpitations from my email.

AIBU to be angry at colleagues?
OP posts:
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 19:54

Okay think and it may be that Confused

OP posts:
ProphetOfDoom · 21/03/2017 20:00

Tell him you hope he cleaned your mug properly and there's no residue from your estrogen medication.

annielouise · 21/03/2017 20:01

HoD will want you to drop it as it shows him in a bad light. He should have nipped this in the bud and done his job. Tell him you won't drop it as it's bullying/harassment and you want it going through the process. That, or he tells C1 to move and apologise and not to do it again. He should have done that in the first place.

annielouise · 21/03/2017 20:03

By not doing his job he's facilitating the bullies and I'd say with fake concern I hope you don't get into trouble over this but I cannot be pushed around. Once he knows he will be dragged into this he might think twice (I won't hold my breath though). You went to him to resolve this. He didn't. He failed you.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 20:07

To be completely honest, I am a little miffed at HoD anyway.

At our first chat he told me they did it while he was out and when he came back he asked them if they were sure they knew what they were doing, Happy won't be happy (haha) about this etc.

He knew what my reaction would be and so he should have told them to move it back straight after he did it!

OP posts:
BettyJudy · 21/03/2017 20:08

100% rooting for you OP. Keen to hear his response to that great email x

MrsWombat · 21/03/2017 20:11

Confide in C3 that you sterilise your mooncup in that mug.

Procrastinator1 · 21/03/2017 20:11

Bea

Procrastinator1 · 21/03/2017 20:11

Bea

Procrastinator1 · 21/03/2017 20:11

Bea

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