AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

I would also make it clear he just decided he wanted your seat and that was that. Good luck !!

Agree, he stated he wanted your desk.

Good email.

Thanks everyone, much appreciated.

I have included Colleague 1's comments about wanting my seat, added in that HoD suggested the chat with C1 and about changing everyone around.

I am still of the opinion that you should call it out as the sexist bullying it is. You have much more leverage to negotiate an exit on your terms without having to pay back training costs if the situation can't be resolved amicably which is looking unlikely. I do understand why you don't want to go down that route though.

Should I mark the email as private and confidential?

No - unless you know other people have access to his emails.

I am thinking of adding the line "I am also concerned that seating the only female in the team on her own and away from male colleagues will send a very negative message to the rest of the company and to any external visitors"

Or if someone could word it better?

That's a really good email - very professional. Let's hope your HoD can manage to be the same.....

I don't think I'd add that last sentence - I think you've made your case without it.

I am certain that isolating the only female member of the team from male colleagues sends a negative message to the rest of the company and to external visitors.

I'd save that for if you need to argue your case further. Otherwise, it may back fire. "Ohhh look she's calling us sexist! How dare she?!" Save it for later, IYSWIM.

You could take the sexist element out and say:

I am certain that isolating a single member of the team from colleagues sends a negative message to the rest of the company and to external visitors.

I've decided not to add that line, felt like overkill.

Email has been sent but HoD isn't in until tomorrow. So now just have to sit through this awful atmosphere. Kind of glad I am in the spare office.

I genuinely don't know what his game is. He knows I'm not the type to roll over and not confront/escalate this. We've known each other for 10 years and worked closely together for 4. We've all socialised together and he has seen me call people out on shitty behaviour.

The weirdest thing is he's being making motions about leaving for the past 6-12 months! So I don't understand his motives at all. If he doesn't like working with me and he already wants to leave anyway, why wouldn't he just leave? Why would anyone start this kind of drama just for the hell of it?

I wouldn't waste time wondering why the bloke is behaving like a twat - in my experience, loads of men need no excuse. They treat women as second class because they can.

Cross posted while I was still typing!

Agree with Queen- there's nothing rational behind it . Some men bully and intimidate women because they know they can get away with it.

Had earlier post withdrawn with names! Final email sent was:

Good morning HoD,

Many thanks for taking your time to advise me yesterday, on the situation that arose with Colleague 1 and Colleague 2 when I returned from my annual leave.

As discussed, the behaviour that is being directed at me is at the very least, unprofessional and at the worst workplace bullying/harassment. As you are aware, I was subjected to similar humiliating treatment some months ago when my desk items were moved into the spare office without my consent, by the same team members (one now departed).

As you suggested, I took the opportunity to have a quiet word with Colleague 1 this morning, to try and resolve the issue informally. Unfortunately, the chat did not go as I had hoped. Colleague 1 did not acknowledge or inform me of any “issue” that may have arisen between us, either professionally or personally. He merely stated that he “wanted my desk” and the incident was a “company reshuffle” which you have stated you did not authorise or indeed, have any knowledge of.

This behaviour is also contradictory to a “reshuffle” as office pods have seating for four members of staff, meaning we could all be seated at one pod should that be desired. Seating me away from the team and alone on a pod is, I can only assume, a deliberate attempt to exclude and isolate me.

I am extremely disappointed with this situation and the current hostile atmosphere within a team I had previously gotten along and worked well with.

I am now left with no choice but to refer this to you, as my line manager and our head of department.

I understand that formally escalating this matter will likely change the dynamics of the team and so I am grateful for your ongoing support in this matter and any future incidents that may occur.

Please feel free to discuss this with me, should you feel the need.

Kind regards,

Happy

Thanks for everyone's comments, it's very helpful! Probably could have chnaged the email a bit more to include your comments Inertia but have already sent it.

My first post with the email had names in it and I have asked Mumsnet to please remove the post. If you have used the names in any follow up posts please could you ask MN to remove them aswell?

Normally I wouldn't bother but with the recent articles in press that were garnered from this site, I don't want to be outed.

It was my mistake for not proof reading the flipping email in the first place but would be grateful if you would help remove the names from the thread.

Thanks!

Have requested deletions for my 2 posts that contain the names.

Thanks timefortea

Will keep you abreast of any mmore developments. Although I think this is just going to get worse for me now I've escalated it.

Going to have to practise my not bothered, I can't hear you face and my airy, professional voice.

Well just think after your course is finished this is excellent fodder for the 'have you had issues with colleagues and how did you handle it' question in job interviews.

What pathetic specimens these bullies are that they have to gang up on you.

I've just read the whole thread in one go - your HOD is absolutely bloody spineless!

Imperial I am slightly irritated at his stance. Especially the moving everyone about as it just so embarrassing. And strikes me as a group of squabbling children being separated rather than one (poss two) colleague behaving inappropriately and being told to bloody well move back and stop being an arse!

It's almost like because HoD doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1, we all have to move and be treated like children.