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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

930 replies

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 20/03/2017 10:38

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
NightWanderer · 21/03/2017 05:35

What a crap situation Sad

I actually think it's encouraging that they are seeing C1 as the problem, not you. Definitely keep a record of everything. I think you need to ask HoD to have a word with C1 that he has overstepped the mark and it needs to stop now rather than you chatting to him. He needs to tell him that there's no more using your mug, touching your stuff or winding you up otherwise he's going to get an official warning for bullying. I don't think it's a good idea for you to approach him.

tribpot · 21/03/2017 06:10

I actually think it's encouraging that they are seeing C1 as the problem

That's what HoD is telling OP, but since he point blank refuses to confront C1, we've no idea what he might be saying to him about OP in private.

It sounds like his plan to host a joint meeting is to make general statements about 'this situation has got out of hand' without making any reference as to who is actually to blame. C1 will be able to convince himself the reason he's lost the desk is because OP made such a fuss about it, but at least she hasn't got it either.

PuppyMonkey · 21/03/2017 07:52

I know you did dum - I've been following the full thread since yesterday morning gawd help me - I must get a life Grin

ExitPursuedByUser54321 · 21/03/2017 07:59

Maybe in the meeting you will have a better opportunity to air your grievances.

Good luck.

supercue · 21/03/2017 08:30

Why didn't you move your stuff back to your desk when they'd all left?

Oblomov17 · 21/03/2017 08:33

I can't believe the 'chattete' you've just had with your HoD!!

tribpot · 21/03/2017 08:39

supercue - because OP gets in after the tossers in the morning, so they would have just moved her stuff again.

Procrastinator1 · 21/03/2017 09:18

Hope everything goes well this morning OP.

I suppose good advice would be to behave as if everything is going to be examined by a court of tribunal, and to document, document, document as said by lots of posters. Of course feeling you have to do this does not make for a very happy work place. If you can exchange training contracts then do if convenient for you. It seems that this firm deserves to be deprived of your talents and skills. It really might be worth seeing if the RICS or whoever do offer any mentoring/support for trainees especially for women. It really is shit that young women still have to suffer this sort of thing and it has made me really quite angry.

TeachingPostQuery · 21/03/2017 09:46

Best of luck for today OP. I agree your manager isn't being super proactive, but at least he's stopped telling you to take the joke. I hope you get somewhere with your colleague today. When you've spoken to him, email HoD to update him "as per our conversation last night..." etc. And if you don't get a resolution you're happy with, take it further.

Groovee · 21/03/2017 09:50

Hope Fuckwit 1 realises he has consequences to his actions.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 10:16

Well, no. Colleague 1 didn't admit he had been an arse or even explain what his problem was! Conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you have a minute please?

Colleague 1: How was your trip?
Me: Lets discuss this seating thing first. Is there something I should know about?
Colleague 1: Ermm, no?
Me: So there's nothing you would like to discuss with me? You're behaving like you're pissed off with me.
Colleague 1: ...nope. It was a reshuffle. I wanted that desk.
Me: In that case, I have to say that you have acted unprofessionally and very inappropriately.
C1: Okay. Well what do you want?
Me: I want my desk back.
C1: Ummm nah.
Me: Okay then
C1: Sooo, are we sorted?
Me: No but you can leave.

Me: Are you sure you want to do this?
C1: Yep. so this is how it's going to be?
Me: Yes.

Him and Colleague 2 went out for a fag immediately afterwards, probably to bitch about me.

What I have noticed is that Colleague 3 (who hasn't moved from his original desk and which I have no argument with) hasn't tried to speak to me, at all. It's like he's avoiding me completely. Which makes me think this is a group thing. It's almost like secondary school. Once the big bully has fallen out with you, everyone follows suit!

OP posts:
ClopySow · 21/03/2017 10:24

What an arse.

So what's your next move?

MrsELM21 · 21/03/2017 10:26

Oh goodness, what a ridiculous childish bully C1 is, what are you going to do now?

TeachingPostQuery · 21/03/2017 10:39

Ugh, he's the worst. Email HoD to let him know (and have a paper trail). He needs to step up now.

Colleague 3 may well be just keeping his head down rather than siding with Colleague 1. Maybe.

venusinscorpio · 21/03/2017 10:40

Agree you need to email the HoD. Referring to the fact that you did what you had discussed with him as next steps, and referring it to him to resolve.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 10:41

Currently in the middle of composing an email to HoD. I will post here for you all to red pen, prior to sending.

OP posts:
Timeforteaplease · 21/03/2017 10:48

What a complete and utter shite.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 21/03/2017 10:52

Obviously, names have been changed!

OP posts:
GirlElephant · 21/03/2017 10:54

Good email

TeachingPostQuery · 21/03/2017 10:55

Good email OP. Best of luck.

tribpot · 21/03/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

This message contains identifying information. Talk Guidelines.

CookieLady · 21/03/2017 10:57

Good email. Good luck.

hambo · 21/03/2017 10:58

Good luck

TheAntiBoop · 21/03/2017 10:58

I think you should include a line that when you asked him why his reply was that he just wanted that desk.

To me he is definitely pissing on his territory there and telling you who is boss

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