AIBU to be angry at colleagues?

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

For background, I work in an extremely male dominated industry and I am the only female on the team.

In the office we sit in 'pods' of four. On pod A, there is myself and two male colleagues. On pod B there was two male colleagues, however one has just left the company.

I have just come back from 3 days annual leave to find that the colleague who sat next to me (Colleague 1) has moved all his things onto my desk and Colleague 2 who was sat on pod B is now sat at Colleague 1's desk. My things have been moved to pod B, where Colleague 2 used to sit. So now, I am sat in the middle of the office, on a pod by myself. If I had chosen to move, it wouldn't be a problem but it feels like I have been pushed out of the rest of the team and almost 'relegated' if you will.

I asked them to move my desk back and then left to get a coffee. I came back and Colleague 1 smirked and said I should sit down at my 'new' desk. I gathered my things and came to sit in the spare office, as I felt angry and embarrassed and didn't want to lose my temper.

The head of department came into the spare office and asked me what was up. I explained what had happened and he said he was now in no-win situation. I asked why, when it was quite simple to ask everyone to move back. He then told me they had done it without his permission and he 'wasn't getting involved'.

I then said, well I am now asking you to get involved please, you're the head of department. To which he repsonded that it wasn't my decision, it was his and he wanted me to 'give it a go'. He said it would be a good thing for me and Colleague 1 to sit apart as we have been butting heads slightly lately. I said yes, but because of Colleague 1's behaviour, things like this!

I said if that was his opinion then I accept that but I didn't understand why I was the one being punished. He said I was being daft and he wanted me to give it a go but understood if I wanted to work from the spare office.

I'm extremly annoyed because he told me himself they did it without his permission and I feel that now he is attempting to make out like it is his decision because he doesn't want to reprimand Colleague 1. It is easier to make out like I am being a silly girl over a desk.

This is an open plan office, by the way. So two other departments know about it!

I feel extremely embarrased and upset about it now and I can't think straight, so need you lot to tell me if I am being silly or if I am justified in feeling that this behaviour is unprofessional and disrespectful.

I think Inertia made some good points. You need to make it clear that you consider their treatment of you sexist bullying/harassment. I would say that I will be seeking advice as per the Equality Act as this constitutes both direct harassment on the grounds of sex and creating a hostile environment for you as a woman, which also applies to the company if they let it happen. They won't really be able to ignore that.

Good luck OP. Stay calm, stick to facts. Make clear that this is not a one off, and that you made it clear before going on leave that your stuff was not to be touched.

What Inertia said.

If you do not feel ready, go home and decide what to do when you have had time to think about it.

I'd ask you HoD what the formal escalation path is to handle a grievance. When he asks what is it about, calmly say that you have concerns about the behaviour of Team members being targeted at you personally, as it is currently disruptive and distracting you from your role objectives.

You have not been able to resolve it informally, you want your complaint to be objectively assessed and resolved as quickly as possible.

You would definitely have a case for constructive dismissal here due to sexist behaviour in the workplace. Depending on how it goes, I'd spend the evening getting all your eggs into one basket and get yourself a free 30 mins with an employment lawyer as they are making it very uncomfortable for you to continue working.

What a bunch of compete knob ends. Why are men such utter dicks sometimes? I am ex construction and 14 years of this bollocks is why I left. I thought it had improved somewhat.

If you are going to complain on the basis of gender, then use the word Harrassment - as gender is a protected characteristic.

If not use the word bullying.

A solicitor will not advise you to go down the route of constructive dismissal, on the basis of what the OP describes. No way.

I'd save your money and sort it out internally with your manager.

Sex is the protected characteristic, not "gender".

I'd send an email to your line manager thanking him for giving you the spare office as compensation for the boorish behaviour of the other staff. Copy in the director and state that normally you would go through the grievance procedure but as he wants to keep things quiet you will, on this occasion, accept the office.

Then I'd invest in a coffee machine, fresh flowers, fridge, foot spa - whatever takes your fancy.

Move your stuff back and get there early tomorrow to sit there.

This would have wound me right up, esp the lack of support.

Feel for you - your colleague was spineless to do this whilst you were away and now your Head is being spineless in refusing to pull up Colleague 1 & 2 but telling you to 'give it a go'. I'd be SO tempted to make him get behind his (ridiculous) words and ask "Give what a go? What is the strategy? What is the objective and what is the timescale for achieving it?? What is Plan B if you fail?"

Is there anything to be gained from speaking to the colleague on your pod who (if I've got it right) didn't move at all or are they part of the little gang?

Do you have a mentor you can talk it through with (male or female) - someone not involved but knows the company and can give you a natural reaction and may be some advice e.g. That is not acceptable, this is just what happens here, this is what I would do, etc?

Like Sashh's suggestion!

I'm late to the party but I would say that the HoD left you with time to "get on with it" so you can just go back and say

"I've had the opportunity of spending a day in isolation and as the day progressed I didn't end up regarding it as an amusing prank and neither has the shift in workspace caused an improvement in work . Being able to only partially hear conversations means that I'm left with the impression I'm being spoken about rather than spoken to (specific example when Director came down talking about workstations)."

"Considering I'm the only woman who works in this section/this floor/these pods I can only be left with the impression that this is gender based sexual harassment and I'm not very impressed."

See what happens.

Good luck.

I'd put pictures and plants up in the spare office and my name on the door and tell everyone that the boss promoted you. If he's as spineless as he seems, he won't even contradict you.

Sex is the protected characteristic in this case. They are bullying the OP because she is a woman.

I would avoid mentioning anything about how you feel, or the impression you were left with. Deal in facts. This is an example of sex discrimination in the workplace which your manager has colluded with (and the second time you have been subjected to workplace bullying), and you are attempting to give the manager the opportunity to resolve the situation informally.

Just to add to the consensus - you work with a bunch of twats. What an awful thing to do. What has happened tonight with the HoD?

Whatever the outcome today, I would start documenting their behaviour towards you. It sounds like classic sexual discrimination; they're treating you differently (poorly) because you're a woman.

If you do end up doing an email confirming everything I would suggest you put something like "I wish to ensure that only I and my HOD have keys to my office as i have previously been locked in there by people thinking it's funny. " it raises the point of ongoing bullying while presenting its self as a practice measure.

Sure some clever HR people can word it better and say if it's a good idea or not.

Good luck.

What's happened OP? Have you spoken to your boss? Are you OK?

Good luck!

It sounds awful, sounds like bullying. Can you just sit wherever while you look for a new job? I know it doesn't feel fair, but might be the quickest way to get out of a stressful situation and save your energy.....

@Happygoluckygirl Hope you're alright. This situation sounds intolerable, truly. They sound like total brats, but the silver lining is that they are clearly very threatened by you so you must be exceptionally fab. Not excusing them whatsoever but I wonder if you come across as being so utterly competent and clearly head and shoulders above the rest of them that your HoD doesn't feel you need his support really. Just a thought.

How did the chat go?

Ps I say this due to experience at a company I worked at in the past. Sometimes a company's culture can be screwed and whilst we don't want to be screwed and have to get a new job it can be the quickest way to be happy again as life is short and a good nights sleep is good.