To think no, I wasn't in a strop, I was just sick of being insulted.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

My brother and his wife had a baby a few days ago. It's my parents' first grandchild, my first time as an Auntie. First chance I've had to get to see my new nephew was today so I got the train up (live 200 or so miles away)

My mum and I do not get on, I tend to keep my distance, so I wasn't really thrilled to see her car parked outside their house when I got there. In fact my brother's wife's parents were there aswell, as were her siblings, and my stepdad, it was an unofficial wet-the-baby's head thing that I had known nothing about. Anyway I was really excited to meet my new nephew- my brother's was holding him and he was awake so she asked me if I'd like a cuddle. As she went to pass him to me my mum says in front of everybody 'oh for God's sake be careful, don't know if this is a good idea, you've always been cack-handed (??) and clumsy, don't drop him!!' Then proceeded to make comments such as 'Does it feel weird to you holding a little baby, you probably don't feel anything do you, never expressed any interest in babies have you' and when he made a tiny grizzle said 'oh you better give him back, he's probably sensed you don't like babies!'.

I sort of laughed it off. Really awkwardly. But she wouldn't stop. i'd bought him a little baby romper suit thing but got that wrong aswell because I'd bought the 3-6 months and not the 0-3 (didn't I know he was a newborn??) when my brother asked if I'd like to hold him again she piped up that I was probably only just 'recovering' from having to hold an actual live baby the first time.

She always makes me feel like shit anyway and I can't do anything right I ended up leaving early and drinking a couple of gin and tonic at the station and mooching about as I had an advance ticket that I couldn't use for a couple of hours. My mum said I was 'stropping' off as I couldn't take a joke. Wanted a nice pic of me holding the baby but I just look awkward and nervous.

FWIW I do like babies. DP and I have discussed having our own in the next couple of years. He knows what my mum is like and tried to persuade me not to go up there without him for support but he was working today and I got too excited and I thought my mum would be nice for once since it was a happy event. Stupid of me. I should have stood up for myself and I'm kicking myself now but I didn't want to cause a scene. She has MAJOR form for making me feel like shit but can't she just leave me be just once? Unless I can see my brother and his wife and the baby away from her I don't think I'll bother going up there for a while.

Thinking about it she's probably driving them nuts to by being 'on hand'. She only lives down the road and doesn't work so is apparently there every single day.

[Rainbunny]

The best response to your DM is to have as little contact (zero contact would be my approach given what you've described) as possible with her in the future. When you have DC I'd keep them well away from her as well, they do not need a GM who acts spitefully and belittles their DM in their lives! it sounds like you have a lovely supportive DH btw :)

[DoloresTheRunawayTrain]

She wanted to cause a scene and you resisted her attempts. The rest of the room were probably thinking she was the one creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.

[honeyroar]

Why does it matter why she lives 200 miles away? The mother could be a clue!

I think you did very well keeping your tongue. Everyone else will have thought she was being weird. Just keep looking at that little baby face and let her chatter wash over you, or say, "this baby will have earache from all your wittering mum!"

I'd tell your brother can he give you 20 mins on your own next time, before she comes and that you felt overpowered.

[HarrietKettleWasHere]

Thank so much everyone, I do feel a bit better. And vindicated that I know I did the right thing with the babygro. (Which is a lovely soft Peter Rabbit one that I picked out as it's SIL's favourite children's book!)

Awwwlook spot on- he is the golden boy. Always has been! I am the black sheep and the butt of jokes, mainly.

I did send a text to SIL say it was lovely to meet the baby and sorry I'd rushed off. SIL says she's shattered from entertaining people all day so she was probably grateful!

[DJBaggySmalls]

Those comments were nasty. Does anyone support you or stand up for you? Well done for not making a scene. You come out of it better than she did.

[DimplesToadfoot]

I was so relieved I had been bought 3 - 6 months, I had bought new born and 0 -3 months, so when I had my dd the midwifes had to cut the toes off the baby grows to make them fit .. without those gifts my dd would have been naked until I got to the shops lol

arrange to see your nephew when your mum wont be there .. for what its worth I told my mum to shut up 10 years ago ish, she hasn't spoken to me since, its been bliss :-)

[MrsRhubarb]

She sounds like a total cow.

If it's any consolation, I saved the nice thank you cards for people that bought bigger sized clothes. We had kitted ourselves out with newborn/0-3 anyway and they grow out of them so fast, it was nice to have something a few months later from someone to put on them. Doesn't your mum know babies will grown into 3-6?

If I was your brother or his wife I would be seething about her dragging her personal conflict into my sister coming to meet my new baby.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

You did exactly the right thing to leave early rather than have a (very justified) go at your mum in front of a baby and new parents! Well done on holding your tongue. Your mum sounds like a piece of work, you wouldn't BU to have as little to do with her as possible. Hope you get many more chances to see your nephew without her around.

[IamFriedSpam]

YANBU. They'll have more 0-3 month old clothes that the poor child will ever have the chance to wear. 3-6 months is perfect! Your mum would drive me mad, I bet she was making everyone else feel uncomfortable too! I'm not surprised you try and avoid her

[Friolero]

She sounds awful, I'm sorry she ruined your first chance to meet your nephew.

[happypoobum]

Oh Harriet I know it probably doesn't help but I think we have the same mother

I had years and years of this type of low level bitchy abuse, coupled with outright on my face nasty abuse, from as long as I can remember.

It's so hard but you are NOT over reacting and you are NOT to blame. She is a total cow, and probably has NPD or similar. Keep your distance from her. I am NC with my mother and it's the best present I ever gave myself.

If you do have DC yourself, keep her and her toxicity as far away from them as you can.

[diddl]

Does your brother know how things are with you & your mum?

Hopefully he'll be happy for you to visit without her there.

Sounds as if she likes to show off by belittling others-horrible.

[ChasedByBees]

She sounds awful. I would have some stock phrases, just things like, 'mum I don't appreciate those comments. Please stop.'

If she continues she'll look pretty bad in front of others if you have company and if you're on your own, you can tell her to fuck off.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Toffee A. She's an adult.
B. Her mum.
Email your SIL, tell her you loved seeing them and can't wait till you can have some time together. She will know what you mean.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I would have told her to shut her big trap. And continued hugging your lovely nephew. If you do have kids, don't let them have anything to do with that poisonous wretch.

[TheMysteriousJackelope]

As everyone else posted 3 - 6 month sized clothes is a good choice of gift. One of my friends even gave us 18 - 24 month clothes which were a big help as by the time my DC were that age I seriously was not interested in dragging them around clothes shopping.

I hope you live 200 miles away from your mother. She sounds a piece of work. I wouldn't be encouraging her to visit much when you have your own child.

[Falafelings]

Poor SIL I bet she is exhausted!! So many people so soon after the birth.

Your mum sounds a right bitch. The opposite of maternal and supportive. That wasn't a normal way to speak to an adult child.

[Witchend]

I got so much in 0-3months for dc1, that I ended up going round shops and swapping to 3-6months or even 6-12months.
I always buy at least 3-6 months.

[MadameCholetsDirtySecret]

You were more gracious than me. I would have smiled and said in my sweetest voice "fuck off".

[Aeroflotgirl]

That size romper is perfect, they grow soon enough

[LateDad]

Just one piece of advice: If you do decide to have a real strop then make it a good big one -- really bring the house down. Make it so big that the family says "Remember that time when HarrietKettleWasHere really kicked off?" That way no one, not even your mum, will be able to confuse "hurt and angry" with "being in a strop."

[paxillin]

Is your mother likely going to be there all the time? If not, I'd try and visit when she's not. 3-6 month is brilliant. Even better will be 9-12 when everybody got a bit bored with the baby but he still grows as fast as ever, only much messier .

[BoneyBackJefferson]

toffeeboffin
How come you live 200 miles away?!

I would have thought that the required information was in the OP's first post.

[ILikeBeansWithKetchup]

I'm confused toffee - I live several thousand miles from my DM and 400 from my DF. My DH lives about 200 from his DM.

This is generally called 'social mobility' and 'migration'.

How odd that this was your only query.

[ILikeBeansWithKetchup]

And also, in my case, your DM fucking off back to her home country unannounced in 1993.