To think DP should stay home today?

[newnamechange84]

So, I've been ill since Thursday morning - yesterday I woke up in agony, body aching and in pain, very swollen tonsils and headache - I thought either viral or flu. Couldn't, and still can't, stand up on my own. So as not to drop feed this has probably been exacerbated by the fact I have a physically degenerative condition which has flared up. My DP went to work at 8.30 yesterday and by the time my dad had popped in, at 12.30, my three children, youngest 3, had been left to sort themselves out. DP arrived home at 5pm and my parents took kids up they're house. OOH GP came very late and confirmed flu/virus. I've woken up this morning still unable to do anything, I've been in bed since 10 on Friday night - normally I'll carry on through anything but this has really hit me for six. DP has his kids every Sunday - this means that as I can't be on my own I've got to go to my mums all day, he's often not home till after 10pm. I'm not exaggerating, I'm in absolute agony and can't even get to the toilet on my own. I know it sounds selfish but AIBU to think that DP should be staying home with me today? Or should I 'man up' a bit?

All he had to do was text his Ex and say he had to go home early for an emergency. I know the ex would probably kick off, but if it's a once off, surely it would be ok.

What the actual fuck?

I hope you feel better tomorrow OP

All he had to do was text his Ex and say he had to go home early for an emergency

This.
Once. Not every week.
How have we gone from an ill OP wanting her DP to help her out, to the OP forcing her DP into uni to exploit him financially? Have I drank more wine than I thought?

My DP wasn't coerced into going to uni! He made that decision before I even met him. No dependants grants, wtc or DLA for kids as they weren't eligible for it and were without diagnosis yet for one! Oh and my house is owned not rented... so definitely no HB EVER... Thanks for the supportive posts since that vile, uninformed one! I think you need to reacquaint yourself with the whole benefits system lovely!

Your name is really rather apt Fairy, what a load of entirely made up (from what I can see) poisonous bullcrap.

You are clearly not well

Yes you can't be prioritised over the children. If its Flu you really need to sleep as much as you can.

His kids though should simply have to collect there stuff up and come to yours for the day.

There are issues..He might of decided to go to Uni before you met but how was he going to fund this? Get yourself well. then look at what the issues are.

Thanks starlight. I think looking at the issues will be a good start. He'd budgeted down to the last penny and still couldn't really afford it which is where I stepped in.

Jesus wept. Why are you prioritising him going to uni over having more money for your kids? I'm sorry but this beggars belief.

I think then you now need to pull away from stepping in. He is putting his kids first, so you should do the same with yours. Which means no more of this 'he doesn't contribute because he can't afford it' business, because that means your kids are missing out on stuff - you said this earlier. So you must have a talk with him and say that you understand his desire to prioritise his kids, and therefore he should understand your desire to do the same - so he will have to pay his way and not expect you (and by implication your kids) to subsidise him.

I expect people will say 'you shouldn't look at it like that if you're all one family', but the OP's partner isn't treating her kids like his family, is he?

Well said Buttery. And please don't fall for any manipulative efforts on his part. Your kids should be your number one priority, just like his kids are for him.

FairytalesAreBullshit:

You really do talk some rubbish! Speculative, quite nasty rubbish.

OP wanted her parents to look after her kids.
OP wanted her DP to not look after his kids.
OP wanted DP to wait on her hand and foot.

She was being unreasonable. The other half wasn't supposed to have any kids yesterday and be at her beck and call. She didn't want her three there, his two there or all five together.

That's ridiculous. Most parents don't get that when they're ill, yet they don't bat a bloody eyelid.

Sorry you feel so ill

Yabu to want dp to not see his kids and look after you

They are 8&11 so quite capable of coming to yours and spending time with dad but being left alone if you need help to toilet etc

He needs to start paying towards the house and bills

How long have you been together? Assuming less then 2/3yrs

seriously am I actually reading this right? I'm sorry but you cannot expect him to not see his children just to look after you when you don't even have your own kids at home. The issue with his ex is annoying and needs tackled but what do you expect him to do? He can't leave them there on their own, also if he only sees them one day a week and maybe a day during the week, why shouldn't the ex be entitled to a late night back? I'm sure she doesn't get them any other time. Stop being selfish and thinking you need treating like royalty, I'm sorry you feel ill and I'm sorry you have an extra condition that doesn't help, but you need to understand you have no kids with you and he has his, enjoy the quiet in bed and try to sleep it off.

Trifle - you obviously aren't aware of what I am. My posts aren't offensive, they just don't kiss the backside of the OP all the time, which is allowed. You post something, you get the responses you ask for. Like on this post, the consensus is the OP is being unreasonable wanting no children and her DP's attention to herself. He has responsibilities and thankfully he maintained them.

It's talked about on the play ground, how parents do all they can to up their money since benefits cuts. Going to Uni is seen as a way of getting extra money.

If DP was already at Uni before meeting you, maybe a coincidence. But it sounds like any money received in child support is needed by the DC, he should be congratulated for supporting his DC. Today it was reported that unpaid child support goes into the billions.

You let him move into the house, you must have been aware at the time he couldn't contribute. You don't agree in the child support paid to his ex, but that is a matter between him and his ex. It shows he takes his responsibilities seriously which should be endearing.

He's trying to better himself at University to get a better paid job.

In the few years he can't contribute, consider the years when he's working and will be able to contribute.

If you're not happy that he didn't make you his priority when you got ill, kick him out. He'll be able to get his own accommodation and hopefully have more contact with his DC's which it sounds like they need.

The issues only appeared to stack up when you were ill. Like him not contributing to the bills meant by default, you ask, you get.

If it was the other way round and a Mum was posting that her ex had bailed on the children and paid little in child support people would be jumping up and down about that.

You are lucky to have a family that can take your children and support you. There's people out there who have to fend for themselves without this. So you are really lucky.

So if you are that annoyed at what he currently doesn't contribute, get rid. I doubt he's going to lesser those child support payments on your say so.