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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should stay home today?

115 replies

newnamechange84 · 19/03/2017 09:06

So, I've been ill since Thursday morning - yesterday I woke up in agony, body aching and in pain, very swollen tonsils and headache - I thought either viral or flu. Couldn't, and still can't, stand up on my own. So as not to drop feed this has probably been exacerbated by the fact I have a physically degenerative condition which has flared up. My DP went to work at 8.30 yesterday and by the time my dad had popped in, at 12.30, my three children, youngest 3, had been left to sort themselves out. DP arrived home at 5pm and my parents took kids up they're house. OOH GP came very late and confirmed flu/virus. I've woken up this morning still unable to do anything, I've been in bed since 10 on Friday night - normally I'll carry on through anything but this has really hit me for six. DP has his kids every Sunday - this means that as I can't be on my own I've got to go to my mums all day, he's often not home till after 10pm. I'm not exaggerating, I'm in absolute agony and can't even get to the toilet on my own. I know it sounds selfish but AIBU to think that DP should be staying home with me today? Or should I 'man up' a bit?

OP posts:
Original poster
newnamechange84 · 19/03/2017 09:56

Thanks for replies, accept that IABU. He wouldn't be having my children, my parents would be keeping them.

OP posts:
SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 10:00

So you want him home just to care for you? Can he not do that and bring his kids with him?

I appreciate you are ill it sounds like an awful virus.
Get well soon Flowers

Emphasise · 19/03/2017 10:05

So your parents have your DC and he has his? You want him to put staying home with you ahead of his regular contact with his DC? You're not well, but surely you don't really think that's reasonable.

If it's too much for your parents, he could take all the DC.

namechangeneighbour · 19/03/2017 10:08

I'm confused, why can't he do both???

Chippednailvarnishing · 19/03/2017 10:08

Why can't he look after all of his own children?

IamFriedSpam · 19/03/2017 10:09

I think you should be in bed and he should be responsible for all the children. I wouldn't say it was fair to expect him to cancel contact with his kids. The house can stay messy for another day or he can tidy it once the kids have left. If he's at your house with his kids surely he can get you a drink if you need it etc?

RandomMess · 19/03/2017 10:10

He brings his kids to your house and all be it they have a quiet day at your house then he's there to look after you too Confused

AndKnowItsSeven · 19/03/2017 10:13

I don't think the op children are her dp's children. Don't understand why he can't look after his own kids though. Surely you just stay in bed and he brings you food etc.

BakeOffBiscuits · 19/03/2017 10:16

He has all the kids at your house.

You stay in bed.

He looks after you and the kids.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 19/03/2017 10:21

I'm a bit confused as well. If he's out with his kids, and yours are at your parents, why don't you just stay at home and take care of yourself?

I've just gotten over this flu (with a secondary chest infection), and could hardly walk from the lounge to the bathroom without collapsing. My DTDs also had the flu (of course they recover a hell of a lot faster than we do lol). I had to take care of myself and the DC, had nobody to help. And I did it. I sympathise with you, but a day completely on my own without DC or anyone else around sounds like heaven to me Confused. or perhaps I'm missing the point of the thread

NapQueen · 19/03/2017 10:21

If he lives with you and your kids, irrespective of the fact they arent biologically his, you are a family, and he should be stepping up where required.

witsender · 19/03/2017 10:26

Are your kids also his kids?

HopeInaTube · 19/03/2017 10:26

I think he should rearrange contact and stay home to look after you OP. I'm sure his dcs will understand, after all that's just life sometimes and if he's usually good at seeing them every week surely a one off cancellation won't cause massive upset. Next week OP will likely be better and then perhaps do something extra special to make up for this week?

For those saying that OPs dp should just have all 5 dcs there I don't think that's advisable given how nasty the virus OP has clearly is-why expose all the dcs to that if you dont have to

AndKnowItsSeven · 19/03/2017 10:27

But the op is in bed the kids wouldn't be exposed to anything.

HopeInaTube · 19/03/2017 10:29

I wouldnt risk it still, it sounds like a nasty virus and these things tend to be good at spreading quickly! Hard to contain and other dcs/OP do may even be brewing the same.
I just don't think that as a rare one off it would necessarily cause any great emotional harm to the Dps dcs as sometimes in life there is disapointment, and they could all do something extra special next time ?

VelvetSpoon · 19/03/2017 10:30

So your parents will be looking after your DC, and your DH will have his DC?

So the only issue is there will be no one to look after you?

Sorry, YABU. Just stay in bed. As an adult you don't get to have people running round looking after you. Trust me, it's a lot harder if you're a single parent with no family of your own.

And without wishing to belittle your symptoms, you are still able to post on this thread. Last time I had flu I could barely keep my eyes open, and it was a struggle to pick the phone up to call work and say I wasn't coming in, let alone type (several) messages.

HermioneJeanGranger · 19/03/2017 10:30

He shouldn't be cancelling contact when you're ill - especially when you don't have any DC to look after (as they'll be with your parents).

I know it sucks being ill, but his kids need to come first.

I hope you feel better soon Flowers

WateryTart · 19/03/2017 10:32

I know it sucks being ill, but his kids need to come first.

No they don't, not always. Sometimes awful things happen and DCs have to take second place, that's life.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 19/03/2017 10:36

No they don't, not always. Sometimes awful things happen and DCs have to take second place, that's life

Yes, but this isn't one of those times Hmm

WateryTart · 19/03/2017 10:41

Yes, it is one of those times. They are a family and the grandparents have done their bit. It's his turn.

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 10:43

I would not class the OP having a virus as an awful thing. Yes ut not pleasent being ill but shes not exactky unable to function is she.

WateryTart · 19/03/2017 10:44

She says she's unable to look after the DCs, so he needs to.

Emphasise · 19/03/2017 10:45

He could take his turn and still have his kids though Watery.

Could you imagine the post from theEx whose weekend plans have just turned upside down because of this. Or the post about the upset children who've been deserted because their Dad's new partner can't look after herself for a bit?

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 10:46

And?

She wants him to not see his children and to just look aftef her as her DC are with her parents. This is still not an awful thing though watery.

Trifleorbust · 19/03/2017 10:46

He should have all the kids.

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