To not understand "gender grief"

[PetalMettle]

E.g. Being "devastated" that you're expecting one gender over another? Maybe it's because I had a long wait for what looks like my one and only child or because I've seen people who desperately want children unable to have them, but I actually get quite annoyed that people say they have such strong preferences.
However this does seem to be quite common and universally acknowledged as a thing which the mother should be sympathised with and cosseted for.
Am I weird for feeling like it's very self indulgent unless there's a reason like an inherited disease one gender doesn't get?

Yes nooka I agree.

Holdbacktherain Do remember though that people that feel this way don't choose to. I don't think anyone would suggest that it is the same experience as losing a child etc as you describe.

more the way that people assign imaginary future roles to unborn children. This is probably exacerbated by scans showing sex before the baby arrives,

This is exactly what I think. People place so much importance on it, and can imagine their little girl or boy because they know so early on what they are having.

I'm disappointed (grieving?) because I came on here hoping someone would be explaining what gender actually means.

(as opposed to sex - not being sarcy - I know vaguely but find it hard to put into succinct words)

I don't think there is any real grief. Just people being too dickish to get on with life when they don't get what they've decided they want. It's a bit pathetic to be fair.

I'm disappointed (grieving?) because I came on here hoping someone would be explaining what gender actually means.

In this case it simply means sex.

My point was not that they were the same, but that just because one is obviously worse doesn't mean the other isn't upsetting. It isn't top trumps.

Is this because people have a preconceived idea of what a girl or boy will be like?

I am currently pregnant with our second and last child. We have a boy. When we found out this child was a boy I wasn't disappointed that we were having a boy. What I was disappointed about was the fact that the thought of ever having a girl was now off the table and I'd never have a daughter.

Athe the same time I was delighted my son would have a brother and that we would have another boy. I never once felt sad about what we were having so all the people who say "just be happy it's a healthy baby" it doesn't really have an effect as of course I'm happy. Im just sad for the things I now know I'll never have.

The thought of having a daughter and letting her down in the same way terrifies me; the thought of the emotions it would stir up terrifies me. I feel like I'd have a much better gauge on what's right or wrong with a boy.

Same as clash - terrible relationship with mum and very worried that it'd somehow cast a pall over a relationship with a daughter. But I'm now pregnant with my first, sex not yet known, and after years of therapy ready to engage with and get to know a child of either sex. And paradoxically it's helpful to me not to assume that boy = easy, girl = difficult.

PupPup that's interesting. I had friends who also described it as coming to terms with not having B but excited for having A type thing.

Gender disappointment is real. My sister will not see or speak to me because I have a daughter and she doesn't. :(

BabychamSocialist why is your friend with all the daughters worrying about his name being passed on? Surely he realises that these days not all girls marry and that those who do won't all change their names. Ridiculous reason to be disappointed!