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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want To Take My Beaver Scouts To Camp

34 replies

lakesstu · 18/03/2017 16:18

I currently help to run a Beaver Scout colony. To be completely honest, I am also a parent of 4 and work full time.

Our Beavers have the chance to go camping with lots of others this summer. Just the one night from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon. I am despirate to take them.

DP tells me that I am being selfish. They feel that I should only be concerned with my own children, not anybody elses. I spend almost every minute that I am not at work caring for my children while DP slobs on the sofa. Apparently (in their words), they should 'find somebody else to do that wierdo Scouts crap'.

I will have one of my kids with me on camp, but DP tells me they will go away with their mates that weekend if I push the issue, so there would be nobody to look after the others. Cant take the others with me as the eldest 2 would hate it and the youngest is too young (and would also hate it). Middle child will love it, and will be going anyway.

My Dad would look after a couple, but all three might be too much as he is very old and on his own. In law's are not very helpful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/03/2017 16:31

No. Your dh sounds like a complete tosser though.

TheSnowFairy · 18/03/2017 16:32

Your DP is an utter arse.

Any friends your DC could stay with for the night?

GeillisTheWitch · 18/03/2017 16:34

Your "D"P is a right charmer isn't he? Hmm Won't look after his own kids for one night, what exactly is he good for?

DailyFaily · 18/03/2017 16:36

So you should only be concerned with your children but it's okay for him to arrange to bugger off for the weekend leaving his children with the sole purpose of spiting you? He's being massively unreasonable and in your shoes I'd be tempted to arrange to go without telling him until you're just about to leave and it's too late for him to scarper.

ThornyBird · 18/03/2017 16:40

I think your do is being a twat. Sorry.

Dh and I both volunteer with Cubs (him) and Brownies (me). It does occasionally cause a logistical nightmare but things rarely clash. As we are both parents of our 4dc, it wouldn't occur to either of us not to look after our own children single handedly for a night or 2.

Original poster
lakesstu · 18/03/2017 16:41

Thanks for the responses. I was probably a bit harsh on DP because I am angry. Generally, we are not a bad team, but the fact that I work and some of our children have SN means that DP can be quite controlling if I let them. I think they find things tough to cope with (but then so do I).

OP posts:
Janey50 · 18/03/2017 16:42

Weirdo Scouts crap? Your DP sounds a right charmer.

BackforGood · 18/03/2017 16:45

Wow.
Just wow.

His good points are.....................?

Original poster
lakesstu · 18/03/2017 16:46

Janet, yeah, it's something they seem really suspicious of, especially anything to do with the church that sponsors us (although I am not religious myself, I respect the views of those that are).

I think they may have had a bad experience when they were younger.

OP posts:
Original poster
lakesstu · 18/03/2017 16:49

Janet? Sorry, meant to say Janey. Blimmin predictive text!!!

OP posts:
GlitterGlue · 18/03/2017 16:52

Your oh is a dick. It's one bloody night.

littleoldladywho · 18/03/2017 16:54

Just to give you some perspective, I have four kids living here at the mo (three are mine and one is with us long term residential as she can't live with her mum due to addiction and MH issues). Two of the four have SN (cerebral palsy, ADHD with ASD traits). I have been a leader for six or seven years, and have taken the groups away a lot. Like, a lot. I couldn't tell you how many weekends, as well as a 14 day international trip where I took one of mine in the group and left him with the rest. Oh, I had to use two weeks of my vacation time for that trip, too. (I work full time).

Yes, sometimes there are clashes, sometimes it is a pain in the neck - with four kids there are a lot of moving parts to organise. But, y'know, dh is their parent and is more than capable of, well, parenting.

Fortunately, I'm not married to a selfish twat.

I'd be losing the husband and keeping the Beavers. You can run your camp weekends when it's his weekend to have them all.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 18/03/2017 16:58

So let me get this straight. You work full time and so your wife is on her own with four dc all day, several with SN.

You feel she 'slobs on the sofa' all evening (I expect she's wiped out tbh) and she's now upset because you are leaving her alone with three of them for a whole weekend while you go on a jolly?

Scouts can be all encompassing. It's at least one evening a week, and then meetings, get togethers, training, first aid courses and weekends away.

It's very admirable that you volunteer but is it really the best thing for your high needs family?

I'd be interested to know how often your wife gets to go out in the evenings, let alone away for the weekend.

littleoldladywho · 18/03/2017 17:01

Incidentally, just in case it veers off into the assumption that your partner is male and you are female, which isn't a given by your careful use of pronouns - it makes not a jot of difference. If you are in a long term relationship and your partner is a twat about parenting 'their' children (assuming this is the case), then you are still in a relationship with someone who doesn't appear to understand the term 'parent'. I wouldn't be happy with that.

wannabestressfree · 18/03/2017 17:02

Who does that remind you of Kerry?

I would hardly call scouts/ beavers a jolly. It's really hard work and a real commitment. I commend you for giving something back.

littleoldladywho · 18/03/2017 17:04

Look at - my assumption was the other parent was also working ft... But you are possibly right. In which case, you will need to be ensuring that you, op, are pulling your weight in parenting your own kids. Because that's the crux, here, really.
I have quite possibly made the assumption that the person posting on mumsnet (as a parenting site) was actually parenting. Which might not be the case. Hmmmm?

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 18/03/2017 17:04

My dad was (still is) a Scout leader.

He prioritised it over us kids for our entire lives. Missed birthdays, holidays, meant my mum couldn't easily plan stuff in case it clashed. He didn't meet my DD until she was a few weeks old as his weekends were taken up with scout stuff. It's a huge burden on the rest of the family.

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 18/03/2017 17:05

Who does that remind me of? What does that mean?

RueDeWakening · 18/03/2017 17:06

YADNBU! Enjoy the Beaver sleepover.

DH took our Beaver on a sleepover in January, and stayed as a parent helper. I stayed at home with the other two. And next weekend, I'm taking our Brownie on Brownie holiday for 2 nights, leaving him at home with the boys. Swings and roundabouts - does your DH ever look after the children if you don't force the issue?

RueDeWakening · 18/03/2017 17:08

Sorry, that ^^ should say DP, not DH!

Crispbutty · 18/03/2017 17:17

"- does your DH ever look after the children if you don't force the issue?"

It's a DW and by the sounds of it she looks after them all day every day while op is at work.

Op, in normal circumstances I would say yanbu but with 4 children to look after, I do think it's a bit unfair to be prioritising other children's activities when you and your wife have a lot on your plate at home with your own kids.

Original poster
lakesstu · 18/03/2017 17:17

We both work. I drop the children off at school on my way to work and pick them up afterwards before putting in the extra time at my job in the evenings once they are in bed. Thankfully my employment yet is quite flexible.

Kerry, maybe you are right. I live what I am able to occasionally volunteer, but maybe I should give it up.

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 18/03/2017 17:19

Sounds like your "d"P is going out of his way to be the most obnoxious twat possible. Basically he can't be bothered to look after three of his children for one night of the year and what's to some how make it your fault.

IamFriedSpam · 18/03/2017 17:22

the fact that I work and some of our children have SN means that DP can be quite controlling if I let them

I'm a bit Hmm about this though. Why do you assume your DP is controlling rather than just knackered? I think in most situations one night away shouldn't be a big deal but ir depends if your constantly off leaving DP to cope with the kids.

Original poster
lakesstu · 18/03/2017 17:45

Spam, never. As I say, my evenings are spent with the children and then another hour or two of work once they are in bed. Apart from an hour once or twice per month when I help at Beavers.

OP posts: