to ask if it's better to find out gender in pregnancy or wait until birth?

[Hoptastic53]

I'm 18 weeks pregnant so technically I could find out now. We have three girls already, the youngest is 2. I found out with all three at 16 weeks but had been set on waiting until the birth for a surprise with this one but now I'm wavering. I'd like to be able to tell the girls, particularly the youngest, if it's a brother or sister and have them help me be prepared but part of me thinks a total surprise would be cool too. It's very likely my last DC so the last time I'll get to make this decision.

DH is desperate for a boy, I'm happy either way. If you've done both, what did you prefer - finding out during pregnancy or at the birth?

Neither is better or worse. It's a surprise at one stage or another. I found not knowing helped in labour others find knowing helps them bond. The thing that put me off knowing was having met a good few girls that were supposed to be boys and I only wanted to know if they were 100% sure.

As usual a couple of douchbags posters who I'm sure just couldn't wait to point out the linguistic issue of the words gender/sex.

We had a surprise when dd was born. My family wanted me to have a girl, mil wanted me to have a boy I just felt like there were very few surprises about being pregnant and this was one we could hold on to! It was lovely finding out when dh announced it to me when she was safely here.

If you go private it's called a gender scan, which is why I used that term.
I'm still very much undecided. I feel like I haven't accepted that I'm pregnant yet and that knowing what I'm having would help me to do so but also this will be my last chance for surprise so I don't want to spoil that. Though I'm pretty certain it will be a girl. I don't know anyone who's had three of one sex and then the opposite. DH will be disappointed if it's a girl whenever he knows which will annoy me whenever it happens because I just think we should be bloody grateful for four healthy children.

Don't spoil the surprise! I found out with my last as my DD really wanted a sister after two brothers so I wanted to be able to tell her. I did regret it. Obviously the birth was still special, but I preferred the surprise. BTW my DH has 3 older sisters

I know one family who has 4 boys and just had a girl, and also another family with 3 boys and pregnant with a girl. I know yours is the other way but definitely can be! I would find out personally, done both ways and I think it was so much better knowing as our little boy was all excited about having a brother coming instead of just a baby? It's down to personal preference entirely and there is no right or wrong.....but I am desperate to know what your having haha x

I always said I'd never ever find out until the birth. I don't understand why people want to. For me, I think it's so much nicer to wait and have the midwife/ doctor/ whoever, hand you your baby/ hold your baby up/ place the baby on your chest, and say "congratulations it's a boy / girl". You get told that and your baby is right there in the room with you. Rather than get told at the scan and all you get is a photo to take home.
It was our 1st baby and I was adamant I wouldn't find out. Our first scan was late so we could have found out then. Dh really wanted to know but I didn't, so insisted on no. At the second scan, same again, dh really wanted to know but I refused, so we didn't find out. (It didn't help we had several friends who were also pregnant all of who found out at the scan).
We had to have a growth scan at 37 weeks as baby measured small. The first thing I said was we don't know the sex and don't want to.
Dh was disappointed through the whole pregnancy. I just said to him,, when the baby is born and were told you'll be glad we waited. He said no I won't blah blah blah. After the birth, we were told we had a boy (dh hoped for a boy). He was sat giving him a cuddle, and said "you were right, in so glad we waited, it's much nicer finding out like that".
So I asked him about waiting next time (we are defo having another), and next time we are both agreed on waiting.
Even if one partner really wants a particular sex (I really wanted a girl), you can't change it if it's not, so what good will knowing sooner do?
(I suffered a bit of gender disappointment as I didn't get my girl, but I firmly believe that if it'd found out at the scan, it would have been harder for me to deal with. Yes I was a bit disappointed when lo was born, but he was there in my arms, which made it so much easier to deal with.

Don't get me wrong a lot of people I know say they couldn't wait, which is their personal choice. But for me, I'd wait every time.

I found out with the first (boy) and not for the second (girl) because I was having a planned section and wanted some element of surprise.

DH wanted to know so he stayed in the room after I'd had the scan and she told him. He is a good secret keeper.

He was going to get me a sex reveal cake but I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and wouldn't have been able to eat it so that would have just been an act of cruelty. By that point, I was happy to wait.

I don't know anyone who's had three of one sex and then the opposite

That's how me and my siblings arrived. Three girls then one boy.

I don't know if it's genuinley 50/50 boy or girl each time or if conditions at conception or within couples strongly influence either sex, but you wouldn't be able to tell unless you statistically analysed thousands/millions of families to see how often the different combinations worked out.

It's totally personal preference.

We intended to find out but baby was an awkward bugger. Ended up having a surprise. Having DH say "it's a girl, we've got a daughter" is one of my favourite ever memories so we'll never find out beforehand in future pregnancies, but I know some people really benefit from knowing beforehand :)

I guess I just kind of dread hearing him say 'it's a girl!' and him unable to mask the disappointment

Hoptastic53 no judgement from me, as I said before I wanted a girl, I got a girl!

But if your dh is going to be disappointed at the arrival of another daughter then I really would find out in advance and let him make his peace with it.

We only got to have one biological child. I had over six years of fertility treatment including with donor eggs, after dd was born, which cost thousands but I never got pregnant again.

I know I am one of the lucky ones because we had our brilliant, amazing dd and 9 years later she was joined by the cutest three year old boy by adoption.

Really you cannot chose what you get, and some do not get one at all. Please help your dh to see this before your child is born, so he can enjoy the birth. Girl or boy, each one is unique; ideally, each one should be welcomed in with delight if possible.

Good luck.