to ask if it's better to find out gender in pregnancy or wait until birth?

[Hoptastic53]

I'm 18 weeks pregnant so technically I could find out now. We have three girls already, the youngest is 2. I found out with all three at 16 weeks but had been set on waiting until the birth for a surprise with this one but now I'm wavering. I'd like to be able to tell the girls, particularly the youngest, if it's a brother or sister and have them help me be prepared but part of me thinks a total surprise would be cool too. It's very likely my last DC so the last time I'll get to make this decision.

DH is desperate for a boy, I'm happy either way. If you've done both, what did you prefer - finding out during pregnancy or at the birth?

[Italiangreyhound]

Hoptastic53 no judgement from me, as I said before I wanted a girl, I got a girl!

But if your dh is going to be disappointed at the arrival of another daughter then I really would find out in advance and let him make his peace with it.

We only got to have one biological child. I had over six years of fertility treatment including with donor eggs, after dd was born, which cost thousands but I never got pregnant again.

I know I am one of the lucky ones because we had our brilliant, amazing dd and 9 years later she was joined by the cutest three year old boy by adoption.

Really you cannot chose what you get, and some do not get one at all. Please help your dh to see this before your child is born, so he can enjoy the birth. Girl or boy, each one is unique; ideally, each one should be welcomed in with delight if possible.

Good luck.

[Hoptastic53]

I guess I just kind of dread hearing him say 'it's a girl!' and him unable to mask the disappointment

[OvariesForgotHerPassword]

It's totally personal preference.

We intended to find out but baby was an awkward bugger. Ended up having a surprise. Having DH say "it's a girl, we've got a daughter" is one of my favourite ever memories so we'll never find out beforehand in future pregnancies, but I know some people really benefit from knowing beforehand :)

[BarbaraofSeville]

I don't know anyone who's had three of one sex and then the opposite

That's how me and my siblings arrived. Three girls then one boy.

I don't know if it's genuinley 50/50 boy or girl each time or if conditions at conception or within couples strongly influence either sex, but you wouldn't be able to tell unless you statistically analysed thousands/millions of families to see how often the different combinations worked out.

[Youremywifenow]

I found out with the first (boy) and not for the second (girl) because I was having a planned section and wanted some element of surprise.

DH wanted to know so he stayed in the room after I'd had the scan and she told him. He is a good secret keeper.

He was going to get me a sex reveal cake but I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and wouldn't have been able to eat it so that would have just been an act of cruelty. By that point, I was happy to wait.

[kel1493]

I always said I'd never ever find out until the birth. I don't understand why people want to. For me, I think it's so much nicer to wait and have the midwife/ doctor/ whoever, hand you your baby/ hold your baby up/ place the baby on your chest, and say "congratulations it's a boy / girl". You get told that and your baby is right there in the room with you. Rather than get told at the scan and all you get is a photo to take home.
It was our 1st baby and I was adamant I wouldn't find out. Our first scan was late so we could have found out then. Dh really wanted to know but I didn't, so insisted on no. At the second scan, same again, dh really wanted to know but I refused, so we didn't find out. (It didn't help we had several friends who were also pregnant all of who found out at the scan).
We had to have a growth scan at 37 weeks as baby measured small. The first thing I said was we don't know the sex and don't want to.
Dh was disappointed through the whole pregnancy. I just said to him,, when the baby is born and were told you'll be glad we waited. He said no I won't blah blah blah. After the birth, we were told we had a boy (dh hoped for a boy). He was sat giving him a cuddle, and said "you were right, in so glad we waited, it's much nicer finding out like that".
So I asked him about waiting next time (we are defo having another), and next time we are both agreed on waiting.
Even if one partner really wants a particular sex (I really wanted a girl), you can't change it if it's not, so what good will knowing sooner do?
(I suffered a bit of gender disappointment as I didn't get my girl, but I firmly believe that if it'd found out at the scan, it would have been harder for me to deal with. Yes I was a bit disappointed when lo was born, but he was there in my arms, which made it so much easier to deal with.

Don't get me wrong a lot of people I know say they couldn't wait, which is their personal choice. But for me, I'd wait every time.

[princessconsuelabananahammock1]

I know one family who has 4 boys and just had a girl, and also another family with 3 boys and pregnant with a girl. I know yours is the other way but definitely can be! I would find out personally, done both ways and I think it was so much better knowing as our little boy was all excited about having a brother coming instead of just a baby? It's down to personal preference entirely and there is no right or wrong.....but I am desperate to know what your having haha x

[Miniwookie]

Don't spoil the surprise! I found out with my last as my DD really wanted a sister after two brothers so I wanted to be able to tell her. I did regret it. Obviously the birth was still special, but I preferred the surprise. BTW my DH has 3 older sisters

[Hoptastic53]

If you go private it's called a gender scan, which is why I used that term.
I'm still very much undecided. I feel like I haven't accepted that I'm pregnant yet and that knowing what I'm having would help me to do so but also this will be my last chance for surprise so I don't want to spoil that. Though I'm pretty certain it will be a girl. I don't know anyone who's had three of one sex and then the opposite. DH will be disappointed if it's a girl whenever he knows which will annoy me whenever it happens because I just think we should be bloody grateful for four healthy children.

[ollieplimsoles]

As usual a couple of douchbags posters who I'm sure just couldn't wait to point out the linguistic issue of the words gender/sex.

We had a surprise when dd was born. My family wanted me to have a girl, mil wanted me to have a boy I just felt like there were very few surprises about being pregnant and this was one we could hold on to! It was lovely finding out when dh announced it to me when she was safely here.

[smilingsarahb]

Neither is better or worse. It's a surprise at one stage or another. I found not knowing helped in labour others find knowing helps them bond. The thing that put me off knowing was having met a good few girls that were supposed to be boys and I only wanted to know if they were 100% sure.

[Sierra259]

We waited with both of ours. The first time I really wanted a surprise and DH wasn't bothered either way. With DC2 it was the other way round! For me, the surprise made the whole pregnancy more exciting, but I completely understand why people choose to find out.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

There's pros and cons to both senarios.
You find out you can get everything ready for you new little bundle. Sounds perfect, but supposing they got the gender wrong, because all though not very common it does happen. When I was in hospital with pre-eclampsia a women on the ward was booked in for a c/section. She was told she was Having a boy and came back with a girl.
I didn't ask as I wanted a surprise.

[noeffingidea]

turquoise I think some people like to prepare on an emotional level, thats all.
Some people do have strong preferences or even concerns about the baby's sex.

[turquoise88]

Why do people say they wanted to know because it gave them more time to prepare? You don't get more time. A pregnancy is the same length of time, regardless. It's such a bizarre statement.

The fact of the matter is, you can get by with a neutral going home outfit until the baby arrives, after which case people then buy you gender-specific clothing and toys etc. TIt's not like your baby is in gender neutral clothing for the first six months! The majority of babies also don't sleep in their own room until 6 months, so again, you can save gender-specific bedding etc until after they are born anyway.

It just comes down to whether people can be patient enough to wait the full nine months, or, in some cases I guess, people make decisions about housing (needing more bedrooms etc) in plenty of time.

[Gizmo79]

I found out at 20 weeks, sonographer got it wrong.
Wouldn't change it for the world though as was overjoyed he ended up being there and healthy.
6 weeks old now:)

[Parker231]

We didn't find out - it didn't enter our heads to ask. We didn't mind what type we got (ended up with twins b/g) and didn't do the pink for a girl/boy for a boy so no gender clothes etc purchases. One of my sisters didn't find out and the other did but kept the news to themselves.

[SanitysSake]

I personally needed to find out, as I suspected I might have bonding issues.

It personally helped me to visualise and come to terms with the fact I was becoming a mum.

[Topseyt]

I preferred to know.

With DD1 I couldn't know because our then local hospital had a policy not to tell in case they were sued for getting it wrong.

With DD2 and DD3 we lived in a different area and there was no such policy, thankfully. So I found out at the 20 week scans.

[Sienna9522]

My DD is 12 days old. I couldn't wait to find out. I was driving myself crazy doing old wives tales and the nub theory etc. in an attempt to find out if she was a boy or a girl. It was all I could think about since finding out I was pregnant. Quite unhealthy actually. I had a private gender scan at 16 weeks. I really, really wanted a girl though and I think if I'd found out I was having a boy, 6 months would've been a good period of time to come to terms with it and bond.

[Pinkheart5915]

It's very much a personal thing.

I couldn't wait until birth to find out I just wanted to know, the child was in my body so I think I had a right to know and dh was excited to know as well. My first baby was stillborn so when I had dd & ds I was just happy to be pregnant again and honestly didn't mind boy or girl but I wanted to know if I had a son or daughter it made me feel closer to them ( yes I know how daft that sounds)

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

There is no right or wrong on this, if you want to find out then do otherwise don't.

I only have 1 dc and I had a private scan to find out i was having a girl, for me I wanted to know if I had a boy or girl in my body I couldn't of waited any longer but I've never been very patient.

[AnyFarrahFowler]

We had a surprise with DS - it was fantastic having my DH tell me "it's a boy!" after a difficult labour. I was just over the moon to be having a baby, and felt very connected to my baby whilst pregnant. I never felt I needed to "prepare" myself - I knew I was having a baby!
I'm 6 weeks pregnant now with DC2 and we haven't decided yet if we're finding out or not. If we do it won't be because we want to know what clothes to buy! It'll be because we've discussed it and decided to experience both knowing and not knowing.

[Babbaganush]

I waited with both of mine.
When I had dd the mother in the next bed had just delivered boy / girl twins and had been told she was expecting 2 boys. She was very happy but very shocked! When I had ds I wavered about finding out but kept thinking of that shocked mum, I decided I would rather wait until I could see for myself!!!

[TisConfusion]

I didn't find out either time, I honestly didn't mind what sex my children were. I just felt extremely lucky that I could have children. It was really nice though to find out at the births, OH told me with DC1 and I told him with DC2.
I didn't feel sad that I couldn't buy things in pink or blue, it's just stuff.
I understand if you'd want to find out as your DH is desperate for a son but equally, if you don't find out I'm sure he'll be happy either way when the baby is born.