To report a mum for smoking a joint on the school run? WWYD?

[MAS7]

This morning I dropped my DS at school, on the way back I was walking behind a mum whose daughter is in my sons class, she was smoking and pushing her DS (about 18 months) in his buggy. I thought it was just a cigarette (still wrong IMO) but she stopped at the bus stop and as I caught her up I stopped to say hello. It was obvious from the smell she was actually smoking a cannabis joint with her 18 month old sat there in his buggy.

She is really a nice person and does seem very nice with her kids, I know she has problems as she has told me before about a restraining order on her kids dad. I just couldn't help be worried about what her day at home would be like with her DS if she is already smoking cannabis at 9am. Am I making too much of a thing about it?

Is there evidence? Proof? After the referral, presumably she will deny it, saying it was just a standard roll up, if she has any sense!

Why does OP have to talk to her? is she a counsellor? She doesn't have any moral responsibility other than to pass her concerns on to the school.

Perhaps this woman needs a friend, perhaps this woman has a very complicated life and is already in the care of numerous, bodies, the op doesn't need to immerse her self in this woman's life, she should be able to pass on her concerns to the school anomalously

I struggle to see what just talking to her would achieve? The OP is not in a position to provide the family with support, signpost services they could access of monitor the childrens's wellbeing. Professionals are much better placed to do that. If it's a one off nothing will come of it and if it isn't then the school will already know these kids could be at risk.

Euripides - Of course your statement ""every country in the last 1000 years that allowed cannabis to be used has recriminalised it at some point" is wrong. It's still decriminalised in Portugal, Holland, Switzerland, and many US states.

Your demand that we should wait a 1000 years to see if it gets recriminalised is frankly laughable.

If you don't want to be proven wrong, don't make claims that are so easy to proven wrong.

She is probably okish after smoking a spliff. You do build up tolerance. I doubt she is completely straight though. She will see it as 'relaxed' but her reactions will be slower and she will much less engaged with her toddler.
The fact she thinks its fine to walk down the street, on the school run, with a baby in a buggy whilst smoking a spliff shows massively poor judgement and decision making.
Its a pretty extreme act. Smoking weed is fairly mainstream now days but NOT in this context. I live in a fairly rough (although its changing) area and this would definitely provoke comment from the other mums.
It sounds like she is in trouble tbh.

She needs reminding that if she doesn't fix up she could lose her kids. This really is the sort of situation where a friend needs to give her a kick up the arse.

I am also disappointed in MNHQ, there seems to be a lot of pro cannabis propaganda which misses the point of this thread completely.

Really- what about the parents sipping pimms and eating strawberries on their picnic blankets at sports day.?

Again, context. Social drinking in the afternoon doesn't indicate the same lack of inhibition which can be a sign of dependency or lack of self control.

I agree with speaking to the safeguarding lead at school, they will know the best way to handle it.

I used cannabis habitually (and by that I mean all day, every day, how other people would smoke cigarettes) until DD was 4 and, despite my tolerance being extremely high, no way was I the best parent I could be. The fact that this mums' DC are not clean is a further sign she is either not coping or has let weed become more important than their wellbeing and either way its concerning enough that you need to tell someone OP.

I wouldn't have thanked anyone who had reported me at the time but, from the perspective I have now that I'm clean, it would have been the right thing to do and might have made me sort myself out sooner. I had a minor relapse recently and, although I wasn't smoking until DD was safely in bed for the night, I was noticeably less on the ball as a parent first thing in a morning and towards her bedtime when that first joint was calling me.

I've stopped again now and won't be going there again, people think it's not addictive but my response to it proves otherwise. I thought maybe I could smoke 'socially' and keep a lid on it having been clean for almost 4 years but it was scary how quickly it took hold again, it really is all or nothing for me.

What I'm trying to say is that weed isn't harmless and particularly not if someone is using at 9am, that's addiction and it destroys families whatever the substance.

"Why does OP have to talk to her? is she a counsellor?"

Oh, I don't know. Maybe see if this is a regular occurrence. Or see if she is self-medicating for a problem that can be helped by a sympathetic friend. Or see if gets a wake-up call from being told by someone she knows that it is not a good idea to smoke joints starting early in the morning.

That is what people normally do before they call the police on each other. At least in my world, anyway.

A dm does the sauntering past with a joint here too, every thursday-bit of background- the only day she sees her dt's as her(past) and the ex dp's heroin addiction the gp's have custody. Im not that arsed but she walks down a big secluded lane to get here, light up then, not 3 houses away from the school.

Had an issue with this at my dd's party, 20 miles from home while driving

mine too cote

Cote so what, she isn't her friend, it's someone she has seen and is rightly concerned about her and her children. Of course in a "nice nicey" world we would all befriend someone who needed our help.

But that's not reality, if I befriended every local drug taker on my way to school/work I would be gaining about 10 friends a day,,,

It's not up to the OP to reach out to this women, her moral duty is to explain what she has seen to the people in authority, and let them judge the situation.

I have said I previous posts, who knows if it's her first joint of they day? Does she hpdo other drugs? Having a joint so early in the morning has got to be a symptom of needing help or a reckless life style..

Nobody is suggesting police, this is a safeguarding issue. School are best placed to handle it and they will contact SS if they feel there's concerns. We (and the OP) are all just guessing what's going on here, the school will have far more insight.

Yes I would report her.

It doesn't matter if she has a tolerance or is using it as pain medication.

The point for me is that the mother thinks it's acceptable to smoke cannabis in front of her child and expose that child to the second smoke and effects of a illegal drug.

Why on earth this mother thinks this is ok is beyond me. She needs support to at the very least educate herself to creating a safe environment for her children and to making more sensible choices on when to have her 'me'.

If she's this brazen in public and who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Surely it will be your word against hers?

Really? Me talk to her? I dread to think how that conversation would go outside the school gates. Don't imagine she'd take too kindly to being questioned on it by me, I only know her to make polite small talk.

Stoopido I have no interest in 'getting her done' for smoking this particular joint. I am concerned it might be a tip of the iceberg type situation and there may be bigger more serious concerns.

I highly doubt she is just to open up to that sort of questioning on the school run.

Chances are OP will be told to fuck off and mind her own business.

"she isn't her friend"

Is that what you get from her OP? Maybe read it again:

"I caught her up I stopped to say hello... She is really a nice person and does seem very nice with her kids, I know she has problems as she has told me before about a restraining order on her kids dad."

If this woman told OP about her problems with her Ex and OP knows that "she is really a nice person", I am guessing that they are not exactly strangers.

OP of course you don't have to talk to her. Unless you are very close or you are a family services professional there's no point in you doing so anyway IMO. You also don't have to prove it and it doesn't matter if it's your word against hers. Either it will be another piece in a concerning pattern of behaviour or it won't be. It's for the school to worry about that, not you.

Report it. Although if she is not dealing, and is looking after her DCs well, no one will care about this.

Definite one for school safeguarding lead - if weed is being smoked around the kids Ds then chances are they may already have noticed but imo you have moral duty to do something

A lot of things can be said at the school gates, to a lot of parents. Any way OP has commented saying she doesn't feel comfortable taking to the parent.

And I don't blame her, who would want to confront a drug user and ask if they had a problem? Unless you knew them intimately or was a specialist where would you even start!

I would probably call the health visitors but if not then SS. I wouldn't report to the school I don't think.

I would speak to her.