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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report a mum for smoking a joint on the school run? WWYD?

139 replies

MAS7 · 17/03/2017 20:58

This morning I dropped my DS at school, on the way back I was walking behind a mum whose daughter is in my sons class, she was smoking and pushing her DS (about 18 months) in his buggy. I thought it was just a cigarette (still wrong IMO) but she stopped at the bus stop and as I caught her up I stopped to say hello. It was obvious from the smell she was actually smoking a cannabis joint with her 18 month old sat there in his buggy.

She is really a nice person and does seem very nice with her kids, I know she has problems as she has told me before about a restraining order on her kids dad. I just couldn't help be worried about what her day at home would be like with her DS if she is already smoking cannabis at 9am. Am I making too much of a thing about it?

OP posts:
Papafran · 17/03/2017 21:48

It's a non psychoactive form of cannabis that is legal for medical use

Firstly, it does have some psychoactive effect, just not as many as the normal kind. Secondly, people who want to use cannabis for pain management in the UK have to use the regular kind as there is no medical marijuana here.

There will be other mums on the school run doped up to the eyeballs on various prescription meds. It's just that someone has decided that some types are okay and some are not. I know someone who takes codeine with alcohol to 'chill out'.

Papafran · 17/03/2017 21:49

Even IF the drug itself is harmless anyway, illegal activities around drug dealing aren't exactly harmless to children

True, which is why it should be legalised.

helpimitchy · 17/03/2017 21:49

I would hope that these people who think it's no big deal, aren't driving vehicles after having one.

And please don't compare it to taking an antidepressant. They don't have the same effect at all.

Babyblues14 · 17/03/2017 21:50

How can people say its not an issue? If your babysitter took your child out in their pram and smoked a joint right near them would you do nothing?? She may have a tolerance to the effects of cannabis but Im sure her child doesnt. I would contact the school and if nothing was done and it continues I would contact child services.

theyoniwayisnorthwards · 17/03/2017 21:51

I have no problem with weed but this is about context. A parent in sole charge of a young child smoking a joint at 9am is objectively concerning. It's not about how stoned it makes her, it's about putting the parents needs above the needs of a young child. She won't have her children removed from her care for something like this, and she definitely won't be arrested but social services will respond and look at how the family are coping generally. Something like this is usually an indication that the parents are struggling in some way and usually would trigger support being put in, maybe a supervision order if chronic neglect is found. Report it safeguarding at the school, you don't have to provide evidence. If the school have no other concerns then they are unlikely to take immediate action but will monitor the wellbeing of this parent's children more closely. There could be ongoing concerns you aren't aware of in which case your disclosure will help professionals build a more cohesive picture of the children's experiences. I work with social workers (am not one) and have seen schools provide valuable evidence reported to them by other parents on numerous occasions.

sharktoothcushion · 17/03/2017 21:51

Agree with all the sensible posters saying report! I am a a "controlled" alcoholic if you like, where I use alcohol as a medicine to sleep most nights when I am stressed.

But even I would judge a parent who needed a drug to get through the day, especially as early as the school run, that could be cannabis, alcohol, prescription drugs etc!

Even to me in my fragile state (I a man getting help btw!) the alarm sirens are going.

It's not a debate about wether a certain drug is safer than another, its more the fact why is that person needing a drug at 8:30 am, they need support about why THEY feel it's nessary.

Reporting them will either bring them the support they need (they may not think they need it at the time) or further evidence their incapacity, you really don't know what's going in in people's life. A joint at school run, might be Herron for lunch and crack for supper..

SmileEachDay · 17/03/2017 21:53

Papa the fact that other mums might also be doped up on other substances is not the point.

Safeguarding children and families is about noticing if something isn't quite right and intervening in a way that makes things better.

If you read how I would intervene, it's hardly an all guns blazing approach - you might be right. It might be fine. But if it's not? Then not opening that communication has left children at risk. That's not ok.

Oblomov17 · 17/03/2017 21:54

Ha ha. Reporting her. What do you think will happen? She will deny it. SS will be able to prove nothing.

Screwinthetuna · 17/03/2017 21:56

Not great is it but I don't think I'd report her unless I had other reason to be concerned.
I know marijuana is illegal and alcohol isn't, but I get drunk off half a glass of wine and therefore would never drink around my kids or if I was the only adult when they were in bed, yet some parents have a glass of wine at lunch and think nothing of then doing the school run.
Many parents also take prescription meds and carry on life as usual. My DH is on an extremely strong pain killer daily and has built up a high tolerance, but half of one of his pills would floor me. If she's able to do the school run while smoking it and not acting and looking outwardly high (like I would be after a spliff) then she clearly has built up a tolerance to it. I wouldn't want to risk her children being put in foster care for that...

zzzzz · 17/03/2017 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sharktoothcushion · 17/03/2017 21:58

report her SS would be able to do nothing

What if this parent is known as a drug taker and SS are already involved, she could be subjected to a drug test.

I honestly can't fucking believe people are sticking up for a parent who is taking drugs at 8:30 in the morning and saying it ok...

GahBuggerit · 17/03/2017 21:58

im pretty fine with people smoking weed (much prefer someone stoned and chillec than pissed and a dick) but in the day? the morning?!

Euripidesralph · 17/03/2017 21:59

Papafran. ..firstly I didn't compare it with alcohol in the slightest that's a silly and disingenuous statement....I agree alcohol is far more dangerous ....have you detoxes people from alcohol? Or dealt with the fits? Or had to breathalyse then and drug test them to ensure they don't accidently slow their heart rate so much by combining meds and alcohol that they don't wake up in the morning ? ....well I have ....so think on by using rhetoric and hyperbole to attempt to dismiss my statements

(I've made it very clear I'very been a substance misuse professional for well over 18 years .....and I admit I find your statements which have no fact in them offensive )

It isn't an arbitrary decision....every country in the last 1000 years that allowed cannabis to be used has recriminalised it at some point

Of course it isn't the worst drug out there ( would you like my stories of IV heroine users instead to validate my statement)

Medicinal cannabis has reduced THC and higher CBD's which is safer....not safe

No doctor would agree it should be smoked around Children. ...ever

Please do your research before calling my statements rubbish .....or possibly spend a long time working in every part of substance misuse and see not only the physical effects of drugs on people but the devastating effect of psychological addiction and the destruction of identity. ...

SuperBeagle · 17/03/2017 22:01

Not your business, and the Police would do nothing about it.

Onthecouchagain · 17/03/2017 22:01

Tricky one, but I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt and assume it was medicinal.

Babyblues14 · 17/03/2017 22:02

Wish people would stop going on about the mothers tolerance to it. An 18 month old baby does not have a bloody tolerance to weedAngry

TreehouseRose · 17/03/2017 22:02

Early morning, school run and baby toddler in tow is not the same as adults only, in private at home in the evening. It's inappropriate behaviour. I would report for sure. Smoking spliffs is not a usual thing to do in public anyway, let alone school run.

TreehouseRose · 17/03/2017 22:04

On the couch - medicinal? With what reasoning? Equally or more likely she's not coping with something and is using weed as a means of blocking it out.

SuperBeagle · 17/03/2017 22:05

Wish people would stop going on about the mothers tolerance to it. An 18 month old baby does not have a bloody tolerance to weed

They don't have a tolerance to cigarette smoke either, but that's legal.

TheCakes · 17/03/2017 22:06

A spliff on the school run suggests to me that either the mum's not coping very well or she has her priorities wrong. Both are cause for concern and additional support for her children.

Astro55 · 17/03/2017 22:07

think hard about whether or not you want to cause problems for her.

She's doing well on her own! It's not OP's choices it's the mothers

TheNameIsBarbara · 17/03/2017 22:08

I am surprised the posters who are rationalising this.

Each to their own but generally parents who are cannabis dependent aren't always making the best decisions for their children. Would you really expect these parents to be as attentive and responsive as parents not under the influence, because I certainly wouldn't be.

It may not have as much as an outward effect as alcohol, but I would have concerns.

BBCNewsRave · 17/03/2017 22:08

People seem to be a bit confused about what "a joint" consists of, and what effect it has... Confused

Yes, there are hardcore stoners who smoke a great big thing that would knock out an elephant. Alternatively there are smokers as I previously was, who smoke a hand-rolled cigarette with a bit of cannabis sprinkled in it (which it sounds like might be the case here if OP thought it was a cigarette). At this level, you can defenitely smell it but frankly if you'd been spiked with it somehow you'd not know. You'd just feel a bit more relaxed and as if everything was a little more pleasant. It's not comparable to having a drink/several drinks, the effect is less, it just sort of takes the edge off life a bit. I used to smoke it in much the same way as just having a fag - barely smoked normal ciggies at all.

That said, I would never have smoked in front of a child, and don't smoke at all now... but if there was the opportunity to slip off for a quiet fag, I would have had a tiny joint in much the same way. BUT, there is a level of awareness that others won't view it in the same way, so wouldn't have dreamt of doing it on the school run. It's that sort of unawareness of what's appropriate that would bother me, as well as the idea that if she's doing that, what is going on behind closed doors? IDK, it sounds like you have other concerns and yet this is the one that might get taken seriously by agencies.

dogletsrock · 17/03/2017 22:09

It is a safeguarding issue and you should talk to the school. They would be able to talk to the mum in a way that wouldn't let her know how they got the information. Quite often really small bits of information create a much bigger picture. I think people often think that it becomes we are going to take your children away but it is a much longer process and everyone is much more interested in supporting the family. The safeguarding lead at school will have had a lot of training and they can make a judgment on what to do next. I

sharktoothcushion · 17/03/2017 22:10

I am disappointed in MNs tonight, really I am. (Not that my opinion matters but still!)

I find such educated, inspirational, compassionate women and men on this sight, iwe are a diverse bunch but let's do a comparison, we jump down MILS throats for feeding 4 month old grand child rusk.

BIT FUCKING DRUG TAKING AT 8:30 in the morning with two small children. FINE.

I might end up in the flouncers corner, never thought I would do a dramatic flounce, but fuck me, the opinions I read in this thread, I am really surprised! And I am not easily offended!