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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report a mum for smoking a joint on the school run? WWYD?

139 replies

MAS7 · 17/03/2017 20:58

This morning I dropped my DS at school, on the way back I was walking behind a mum whose daughter is in my sons class, she was smoking and pushing her DS (about 18 months) in his buggy. I thought it was just a cigarette (still wrong IMO) but she stopped at the bus stop and as I caught her up I stopped to say hello. It was obvious from the smell she was actually smoking a cannabis joint with her 18 month old sat there in his buggy.

She is really a nice person and does seem very nice with her kids, I know she has problems as she has told me before about a restraining order on her kids dad. I just couldn't help be worried about what her day at home would be like with her DS if she is already smoking cannabis at 9am. Am I making too much of a thing about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
MAS7 · 17/03/2017 21:29

Thecakes I see your point. In some way it would feel less worrying if she could have waited until she got home. Actually setting off to school with a joint ready to smoke on the way home is scary, high tolerance or not.

OP posts:
Rosetree123 · 17/03/2017 21:32

If she smokes it often then she will definitely still be able to function, I know as I used to smoke it alot and still be able to do everything I usually would. I don't agree with her doing it on the school run, I agree that she should at least wait until she is not with her kids, I would never ever smoke it in front of my kids.

notquiteruralbliss · 17/03/2017 21:32

Yes. Why would you do that? Maybe she prefers to smoke outdoors.

1horatio · 17/03/2017 21:33

I personally think smoking a joint is very comparable to having a pint.

I don't drink (well, maybe twice a year or something?) and I don't smoke.

But I don't think drinking a pint is a safeguarding issue. And, I'm assuming she's used to it and therefore has a rather high tolerance that joint is very comparable to a pint...

As long as there are no other issues? (do her children seem well-fed, clothed, happy, well-adjusted?) I wouldn't report it, no.

Original poster
MAS7 · 17/03/2017 21:33

Trainspotting, having smelt the mum and kids I don't think she cares one but what her house smells like.

OP posts:
sharktoothcushion · 17/03/2017 21:33

This smacks of some kind of addiction, I smoke and I am addicted to nicotine, I really need a cigarette when I wake up, but don't smoke in front of my child (I tell him I am taking the bins out, if I need one when he is awake)

If a parent can't get through the school run without having illegal drugs (and who is to say that's her first joint of the day) then that's a serious problem. Especially when she has an 18 month I her care.

I would definitely speak to the school about this.

SmileEachDay · 17/03/2017 21:34

If that was reported to me (I'm safeguarding lead) I would act on it.

Initial chat with mum, explaining that we'd had a report and that I was worried.
The outcome of that conversation would determine next steps, but at the least I'd log it with the local children's services ( in the full knowledge that it wouldn't trigger their threshold, but that the log would then be there if there were future concerns)
If it sounded like a family in need of immediate support, I'd be pushing for that to happen.

No telling off, no judgement.

Mazzystarlett · 17/03/2017 21:35

Speak to the safeguarding lead at the school because they will know what to do.

Leggit · 17/03/2017 21:37

People are so naive. Cannabis is as common theses days as cigarettes and alcohol. I'm not for a minute suggesting I am ok with people smoking it, because I'm not. I completely anti drugs, but the idea that any action would be taken here is bizarre. Many many kids love be within families where drug use is known, cannabis wouldn't even put them on a radar.

OP what would you want to happen if you reported this person?

Papafran · 17/03/2017 21:38

There are limits , no such thing as "just a joint" and feel free to ask some of my lovely experiences with cannabis users in mental health units should you think it is a safe drug

What rubbish. Alcohol is far more addictive and dangerous than cannabis. It happens to be illegal due to an arbitrary decision that some mind-altering substances should be illegal and others should not.

Report if you like, but only if you would also report a parent for drinking a few glasses of wine while looking after their children. There really is no difference other than that the government says one is fine and the other is not. Health-wise, alcohol is more dangerous and causes far more social problems.

Additionally, how would you feel if you discovered she was suffering from a painful condition and took cannabis to help with the symptoms? This is legal is the US for example.

hercomersthenighttime · 17/03/2017 21:38

If same mum was drinking on way to school would people not consider that a safeguarding issue?

I would tell the school. They will have a safeguarding person you can speak to privately. It will help them in a 'bigger picture' scenario should the kid start having difficulties at school. They won't likely follow that particular incident up and you'll never see any direct result of reporting but it might help that kid in the future.

As a child of a drug using household I wish people had got involved to help me out.

user1482079332 · 17/03/2017 21:39

Smoking cannabis isn't that big of a deal but smoking in front of your child first thing in the morning is, it would be like wheeling them into school whilst swigging out of a bottle of wine

Trainspotting1984 · 17/03/2017 21:40

Tbf though having a pint or a few glasses of wine on the school run would be a safeguarding issue wouldn't it?

sharktoothcushion · 17/03/2017 21:41

Jesus I used to smoke cannabis until I was 24, my OH did it upmintil about a year ago. But he would NEVER do it in our house or in the care if our child.

I drink a lot of wine, I can probably tolerate about 2 bottles before I start to feel stupidly drunk, should I drink it in the way to work, school? NO!

I smoke almost 20 a day and I wouldn't even dream of lighting up in front of my child, let alone smoking am illegal drug in front of him.

JaneEyre70 · 17/03/2017 21:41

I think you have a duty to report it on, either by phoning the local social services helpdesk or by talking to the safeguarding person at the school. I actually think using illegal drugs in public when you are responsible for a child is pretty horrifying.

seafoodeatit · 17/03/2017 21:42

YANBU, I too would consider this a safeguarding issue.

If she was drinking wine on the school run I would discuss this with the school too, neither is normal in the morning and one is illegal, personal opinions on why it's not legal are irrelevant.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 17/03/2017 21:42

I wouldn't say anything unless you have other concerns. You say she's a nice person who is nice with her kids so think hard about whether or not you want to cause problems for her.

Iamastonished · 17/03/2017 21:42

"Smoking a joint is fairly normal"

Um, not in my world. The only people I know of who smoke weed are some teenagers that DD tells me about. Dealing weed is becoming such a problem in the nearest market town that they have increased the police presence there recently.

Regardless of how people view the benefits or drawbacks of smoking it, it is an illegal drug, and if I saw a parent smoking it at 9 am in charge of a small child, yes I would judge.

SmileEachDay · 17/03/2017 21:43

This is legal is the US for example.

It's a non psychoactive form of cannabis that is legal for medical use.

FruitCider · 17/03/2017 21:44

People are so naive.

Being as 2 professionals in substance Misuse and a safeguarding lead have all commented stating it is a safeguarding lead, perhaps it is not us who is naive?

Original poster
MAS7 · 17/03/2017 21:45

Oh gosh what a mix of opinions. I agree it is a common drug that probably affects some people much less than others. What worries me most is that she felt the need to smoke it at that time right next to her son, the smell made me feel ill so what does it do to her 18 month old and why doesn't she care?

I suspect she already has some SS involvement so if I did report it I'd be hoping she would get some more help and support but realistically I don't think she would. Her kids do seem loved and happy but not the cleanest. Suppose loved and happy are the most important though and she seems to have that right.

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 17/03/2017 21:46

It is a safeguarding issue. A friend of mine lost her dear child in a car accident when she was being driven home from a party by another parent who also died - the PM showed a high level of cannabis in the parent's blood.

You should not be caring for children or driving when under the influence of cannabis.

Speak to the school, then leave them to take it wherever it needs to go to safeguard those children.

As my friend found out, you cannot always trust other parents to care properly for your child at a party or a play date. So this woman's habit could affect others than her own children.

MuncheysMummy · 17/03/2017 21:47

Definately report her to SS as others have said if it's got to the point where she's smoking it on the school run 🏃 then she's obviously a pretty heavy user and like it or not it's an illegal drug that impairs a users reactions and makes you sleepy and lethargic. If she's so sloppy as to be doing this I can't imagine she's a paragon of virtue in all other areas relating to child rearing and running a house!

Sugarlightly · 17/03/2017 21:47

Well surely if this mum has built up a tolerance level to cannabis that's so she can have a joint in the AM and not be disinhibited by it in any way, there would be concerns about the amount she was smoking at home with her children?

Sugarlightly · 17/03/2017 21:48

Even IF the drug itself is harmless anyway, illegal activities around drug dealing aren't exactly harmless to children