To feed the vegan child cheese

[cheesyinkent]

NC for this to not out myself. DS 8 has a friend coming round for tea next week. The mother has stressed very heavily that he is vegan, can't touch any dairy or meat as it will make him very unwell. However ds says his favourite food is normal cheese and cheesy pizza. Apparently he has it all the time when away from his DM.

Who do I follow? I've looked in asda and could only find one vegan cheese, it didn't look like the pizza kind - more a spreadable cream cheese thing.

My DS has a bad allergy to egg and milk.

We make him pizzas using aforementioned cheese from Holland and Barrett (we use the white cheddar Cheezly, even the other DCs who are not allergic like it in their sandwiches, dunno why, it's rank) and pizza bases.

At the age of 8 he might very well have said to his mates "I love cheese" "I love pizza" meaning his own special versions.

I have always worried that stupid people might not realise that he is eating a special version of the food and be saying "she says he's allergic but look at him tucking into xxxx." Looks like I was right!

If this is a lifestyle choice and not an allergy, I think 8 is old enough to decide for himself

It's not a lifestyle choice. The Mum said it makes him ill.

I have an 8yo DS who's more than capable of choosing for himself, problem is he'd also choose the dairy stuff, even though he also knows it could make him poorly (lacto). Even though he knows he has the different milk and yoghurts at home etc he'd still argue the toss with someone and insist he's allowed milk at home for instance. He is. Just the lactofree one.

Scary isn't it BalloonSlayer? 🙈

I had a friend who's DC had a dairy allergy. Eating dairy lands said DC in hospital.

I honestly think the Mum here just said vegan to make it easier for OP to make sure there's definitely no milk or dairy in it. As I often do when out with the kids because I know there's not going to be any dairy in whatever snack I get DS. It's even in some crisps.

I've RTFT and am staggered at all the different opinions when in actual fact it's very simple. His mother has stated that he is vegan, that dairy products make him ill, and that he can't eat them. Why is there a debate? DS2 had a severe CMPA until he was 2 and the twats who decided to overrule my instructions on what he could eat made me want to lose my shit because their point making made my son ill.

OP, bottom line, you don't have the right to overrule his mum, whether you agree with her or not.

If you don't want to feed this child as his mother has specified then you should withdraw the dinner invitation and not have him over at all.

Sorry I haven't had time to read the full thread but please don't give him cheese! My DD had a dairy allergy that she's now outgrown and I used to describe it as vegan as somehow it's easier for some to understand. For example some people used to say she could have butter because that's not milk etc

Anyhow, Tesco do a very nice dairy free cheese called Violife if you want to do pizza. It's surprisingly nice!

< Fistbumps AwaywiththePixies >

Our local Spar sells a Happy Shopper cheap 'n' nasty style pack of chocolate chip cookies without egg or dairy. They were bloody handy for DS and I sent several packs with him on a school trip. I expect the teachers were about it not realising they were OK for him due to being so cheap and nasty. (Doesn't have them any more as he did have a reaction one day, there must have been a trace crept in )

I also know a child with a moderately serious milk intolerance, improving as she gets older. She can have a bit of milk, but more than a bit and she'll be ill. The Mum always says "no dairy" but will let her have a bit because she can police it, and knows how much is too much. If she goes to a friend's house, who knows how much she would have? Again, people might say "but I saw her eating xx" or the child herself might declare "Oooh I LOVE Dairy Milk! it's my favourite!" - yeah she means the two squares she is ever allowed at any one time.

Saor yes. My DD was orem and suffered acid reflux badly for years. She didn't grow out of it as expected.
Her old school was told when she started, that she's fine, just don't give her overly acidic stuff because of the reflux.
One lunchtime about a year or two in she was given: Lunch: Gammon and Pineapple with chips etc. Pudding: Rhubarb and Orange crumble with custard.

She got sent home early and I spent that evening awake with her whilst she repeatedly soaked her bed and herself in projectile vomit, poor soul (wasn't a bug she was as fit as a fiddle otherwise - it was simply the food she had ate). But it's okay though because some well meaning numpty who gave her that knowing her dietery requirements obviously thought I was a neurotic mother and clearly knew better than me.

She was packed lunches after that.

I genuinely cannot believe the number of people who have said something along the lines of "poor child" or "if it's only for ethical reasons the child can choose" etc. I feel sorry for all of the children who have their meat eater parents' extreme views forced on them. No child would willingly participate in the slaughter of animals if they knew what really happened to obtain their chicken nuggets.

This isn't about ethics though is it? It's about a mum simply explaining vegan as a way of making sure that her DS doesn't get given dairy accidently. Because it makes him ill.

BalloonSlayer yep. DS's favourite chocolate Is Boost Bites. He's allowed that very occasionally. Again only a handful. His normal chocolate as a treat is Asdas dairy free orange chocolate buttons. 35p and they're really nice! Even DD asks for a packet when I get them!

He'd still tell you his favourite chocolate is Boost Bites though!

People should just realise not everyone eats as they do.

Shouldn't the mother realise that to though rather than imposing her restrictive diet on him she should start showing a little flexibility rather than doggedly insisting they continue to stick to her wishes? The OP certainly shouldn't give him something she's been told he can't have, but it would be nice if the mother decided it herself.

I don't think conflating it with an allergy is helpful either, if it's not. I don't know why people would rush to lump a child in with a condition which he doesn't have.

It always amazes me that on MN a lot of posters are so quick to label behaviour 'controlling' until it comes to children who are supposed to remain little obedient automatons who must always comply with their mother's wishes even when those wishes might be rigid, unnecessary and have a negative effect on the child.

I'm sure their are children who grow up happily eating vegan and remain life long vegans because they continue to want to make the same choices as their parents. But equally I'm sure there are many who will view it as a form of control which sends them heading for the Stately Homes thread. If this little boy really is secretly scoffing pizza and can't tell his Mum I suspect he's firmly in the latter camp.

AwaywiththePixies27 it's awful isn't it? The people making a point or being lax don't have to see the suffering involved. My dad gave DS2 some pizza and I had to take him to hospital, struggling for breath! To say I went batshit is an understatement.
I'm sorry your daughter was put through that.

I'd be surprised any 8-year-old would be "secretly scoffing pizza" without an adult being aware

suburban why? I doubt the school has the time or resources to have him constantly monitored at school to make sure he's not scarfing bits of his friends lunches and sticking to a strictly vegan diet. At 8 he will probably be going into situations where non-vegan food is available like parties. And according to a lot of posters on this thread there are plenty of people out there who don't listen anyway. His mother may well know too, and just be trying to stop it.

I dont agree with the restrictive diet comments. To me, restrictive diets means, for example, a friend of mine said her DSS got offended recently when he inhaled one too many cakes. She politely pointed out he didn't 'need' three muffins for pudding and didn't he think that was a bit much? To me, that's restricting a child, and rightly so in those cases!

A Mum saying please don't feed my DC dairy = it makes him ill. That's not restricting his diet in the literal sense of the word. To me anyway.

Lots of people wouldn't think to check diary isn't in some crisps for example. I certainly never thought of it until an aunt told me to check it out!

suburbanrhonda My DS once sneaked cake and custard from the counter at school. The dinner staff hadn't even noticed until they went to take him his fruit salad and he was halfway through it!!

He was 6 then. I'm sure an 8yo can be just as crafty!!

bill

It may be different at other schools but in ours the children make their choice of school lunch in advance. This means we can offer more choice and we waste less so we can spend money on better ingredients. So you can't have a meal you haven't chosen. We have three staff in the lunch hall and sharing food is not allowed because of allergies and so on. Of course a child may sneak a small amount of food to another without being seen but the idea they could scoff pizza belonging to another child without anyone noticing is a bit unlikely.

At parties I expect this mum would have pre-warned the hosts or brought her own food, as I often did with my vegetarian children when they were little. Again, the idea anyone wouldn't notice a vegan child scoffing pizza his mum had expressly asked him not to be given seems unlikely.

I'm not saying it would never happen. DS was given a scotch egg at a party because the host didn't realise they had meat in . But I can't see there being frequent opportunities for the OP's child to be secretly eating non-vegan food at the age of 8.

Just out of interest, for those who are vegan for ethical reasons, what does that achieve that being a vegetarian doesn't? I can understand why you wouldn't want animals to die for food, but producing eggs/milk etc doesn't harm the animal.

Genuine question - I don't know the first thing about veganism

You don't know it's not about ethics. I've been lactose intolerant for around 10 years, I am also a vegan for ethical and environmental reasons. They're not mutually exclusive.

Icancelled - well we have to keep the hens and the dairy industry and all the animal pollution etc is caused. I am not vegan. in fact I am virtualyl paleo which in my case means masses of veg just like my vegan son but I also have fish and meat and eggs but I respect his choice. In fact ilke most differnces between people in the UK when you get down to it we all have more in common than we are different and tolerance and acceptance is a good way for us all to be. It would be a boring planet if we all ate or were the same.

People should not assume all vegan children have vegan parents. I have 2 vegan children and I'm not vegan.

ICancelledTheCheque, I was a lifelong vegetarian before my daughter had to become vegan due to her severe allergies, and I had to give up dairy and eggs in order to continue breastfeeding her. I hadn't previously given two thoughts about the dairy industry. Having since hung out on vegan recipe forums I have learnt a few truths about the dairy industry and it sickens me so much (especially as I'm now a mother) that I won't be going back to dairy at all.

Some of the reasons we eat vegan;

Prevent the cruelty and exploitation of animals.

Lowers the carbon footprint.

Production of meat necessitates the growing of more crops to feed them, use of massive amounts of water, pollution caused by transport.

The amount of grain needed to feed animals has caused mass deforestation, which leads to extinction of Species and loss of habitats.

Also contributes to malnutrition as impoverished communities are forced to grow cash rich crops rather than food crops.

Production of dairy products leads to the death of thousands of surplus to requirements male calves and chickens and the premature slaughter of female cows when their milk production falls away

Thanks both for the explanation

HereWeGoRound That video is grim!

It is. I posted it after watching just the first few seconds and then watched the rest. Sickening! It's true though, and I don't think anyone in the dairy industry can deny it.