I have a friend I've known 5 years. He's loyal, never gossips, is honest and genuine.
There's only one problem.
While him and his boyfriend have a joint income of 65k a year and I'm a single mum on minimum wage, his idea of us meeting up is him coming to mine once a month in the morning eating lunch, drinks, snacks, dinner and snacks in the evening while I run around tidying up after him and serving his every need.
He came today and I made omelettes and soup, washed up his cups and plates, made dinner and washed them up, then made drinks. The made his bed up. In the morning I make breakfast and a drink again/wash up after him/tidy the bathroom.
Even though I've completely stopped doing anything expensive food wise and he has to make do with cereal, baked potatoes etc the cost comes to about £10 all in and for me, that's actually quite a lot.
He has never invited me to his, never suggested meeting up outside of my house and whenever I suggest it he says he doesn't have much money. I have never invited him to mine, he invites himself.
I feel bad but I dread him coming over as I used to be a waitress and I honestly feel like I've done a 12 hour shift by the time he's left! He never contributes a penny. Never once offered to pay for a take away so I don't have to cook or brought something along like a bottle of wine or a dessert to help/contribute. He basically comes and I'm a waitress for 12 hours while he's here. By the time he's left I feel exhausted as I also have two children to look after.
The final nail in the coffin was he came today and decided to stay overnight and he asked me to bring the footstool to the right so he could put his feet on it!!!! I'd just spent an hour washing all the dishes and making dinner, he could have got up and moved it himself. I don't expect him to help but he could make his own drink!
Despite this he genuinely cares for me, is never jealous of me, we talk about everything and anything and deep down he's not a bad person, just badly brought up by a mum who saw to his every need. I actually think he's selfish to the extent that he cannot see the needs of anyone but himself.
He has no other friends as everyone gets fed up in the end and ends contact.
I absolutely want to stay friends. But I'm done trying to get him to have more social understanding. If I do ask him to bring something along 'why don't we have pizza night, you bring the dessert I will cook pizza' sort of thing, he never brings anything remotely decent or 'forgets' it or decides he doesn't want dessert so that doesn't help.
So while I will continue to see him. AIBU to put a stop to these visits altogether and arrange meet ups only at pubs/restaurants? Where I won't be paying for him and waiting on him hand and foot.