Evenings are hell. Help

[cjt110]

-not AIBU but posting here for traffic so please be kind-

DS is 2.5y old. He's very strong minded and independent. He usually goes to bed at 7pm and we eat tea at around 6pm. If he sits at the table and eats with us, I never get through a meal without stopping to help him or encourage him, or spoon feed him. He loses interest very quickly and will want to leave then table. We encourage him to eat more, one more spoon etc and end up saying to him if he doesnt eat anymore it must be bedtime. He will get upset when we tell him to go to bed insisting it is teatime. We say OK fine, lets eat tea, then the cycle starts again. He eats plenty. The day before last he had 2 slices of toast for breakfast, 2 small pears as a snack, 2 boiled eggs at lunch followed by 2 bananas. A biscuit mid afternoon then we served goulash and mash for tea. He ate 3/4s of it. I must admit, I'm less strict - if he's eaten some/most of it, I would be happy to give him a pudding and make no fuss of it but worry this is showing him if he doesnt eat i all, he still gets something nice afterwards. DH is focussing on what the HV said to do which is if we know he eats something, then not to give in to cries of toast or yoghurt.

I was brought up that at least if I had tried something and didnt like it, that was OK but I must try something. DH was basically made to eat whatever was put in front of him. Perhaps thats the reason for our approaches differing?

Last night we all ended up cross and upset over the whole thing and it's becoming a daily occurrence.

Is there anyone able to offer advice on what to do/try? I would be very grateful. Thank you.

What nutbrownhare said - read Help, My Child Won't Eat! by Carlos Gonzales. It stopped me stressing and saved my sanity.

You are so lucky OP. My DS has an ASD diagnosis. When he was 2.5 he ate mainly beige and white foods - plain bread, toast, plain cream crackers, dry breakfast cereals etc. On a good day I might get a yogurt or some strawberries into him.

He's 11 now and has expanded his diet to include fruit and one pasta dish - has to be the same brand of sauce or he won't eat it. He won't eat if there is more than one type of food on the plate. He won't eat sitting at the table with other people. I will probably never get to enjoy a family meal with my child.

Despite all that he is ridiculously healthy and always has been.

If your 2.5 year old can sit at the table and eat goulash that makes you a parenting guru in my eyes!

Small children are like animals, they don't know what greed is, and they will eat when hungry.

Personally, I would just chill. If he doesn't eat dinner, then he'll be ravenous for supper/breakfast.

A toddler won't refuse food if he's hungry.

From your post he seems to eat loads.

I'll say it - well done OP for listening, changing something, and it working. Long may it continue!
I think you and your DH need to be singing from the same hymn sheet going forwards. I grew up with eating issues, sounds like loads of us did, the challenge I guess is to work out a way of not recreating them that works for your family.
Sounds like you have a plan - I'd personal try to cut the carbs down and increase protein and healthy fats but maybe one thing at a time, eh?

smallchanceofrain Thank you. I can assure you I'm not!

Thank you ElizaDontlittle Today he's eaten nothing really for breakfast. A huge banana at about 10 am. Lunchtime he had an egg, 2 tablespoons of beans, some slices of cold (cooked) sausage and a cream cracker. He had another banana in the afternoon and a biscuit. He didn't eat tea and had yoghurt instead. I offered cereal. He had a mouthful but that was it. Laid down on the sofa and was asleep almost immediately 😊 It has been nice not the only stress over it

DD is 10 - and a better eater than she was. When DD was tiny, a work colleague said that kids are fine "apart from mealtimes and bedtimes".

I was a fussy child, and a lot of childhood memories were spoilt by crap eating on my part.

I resolved not to make my DD life like that, although my siblings are quite strict with theirs.

In the end, no-one forgets to learn how to eat. The queen is unlikely to ask me to tea any time soon, so it doesn't matter that I don't eat salmon, or goats cheese etc.

I suppose, and this is tricky, I am saying just chill out a bit, offer meals, take the plates away when eating finishes, and get on with other bits of life.

Try not to 'compare'.

Tonight he ate almost all of his full portion of cottage pie and some peas. We ate at 5pm and it was so much easier. No stress at all.

Op glad things are going better for you. Things are still not good in the fox household! I need to follow my own advice more! Oh well tomorrow is another day.

That sounds great OP, sometimes we are just too close to a problem to see the obvious thing to do! Well done for moving mealtime and not worrying about the portion size so much.

cjt that's great! All you needed was a little tweak to your routine, it's all a learning process this parenting lark