Evenings are hell. Help

[cjt110]

-not AIBU but posting here for traffic so please be kind-

DS is 2.5y old. He's very strong minded and independent. He usually goes to bed at 7pm and we eat tea at around 6pm. If he sits at the table and eats with us, I never get through a meal without stopping to help him or encourage him, or spoon feed him. He loses interest very quickly and will want to leave then table. We encourage him to eat more, one more spoon etc and end up saying to him if he doesnt eat anymore it must be bedtime. He will get upset when we tell him to go to bed insisting it is teatime. We say OK fine, lets eat tea, then the cycle starts again. He eats plenty. The day before last he had 2 slices of toast for breakfast, 2 small pears as a snack, 2 boiled eggs at lunch followed by 2 bananas. A biscuit mid afternoon then we served goulash and mash for tea. He ate 3/4s of it. I must admit, I'm less strict - if he's eaten some/most of it, I would be happy to give him a pudding and make no fuss of it but worry this is showing him if he doesnt eat i all, he still gets something nice afterwards. DH is focussing on what the HV said to do which is if we know he eats something, then not to give in to cries of toast or yoghurt.

I was brought up that at least if I had tried something and didnt like it, that was OK but I must try something. DH was basically made to eat whatever was put in front of him. Perhaps thats the reason for our approaches differing?

Last night we all ended up cross and upset over the whole thing and it's becoming a daily occurrence.

Is there anyone able to offer advice on what to do/try? I would be very grateful. Thank you.

I agree with your idea for something lighter in the evening. We do a 'snacky tea' where DD gets a selection. Its normally a sandwich/sausage roll/pizza wedges, various bits of fruit and veg (grapes, cucumber, tomatoes, pepper, celery, Satsuma, olives that kind of thing). They like picky stuff and anything not chosen can just be left over for the next day.

A six inch plate almost full sounds way too much. YY to a (considerably) smaller portion and eaten earlier.

You said on page one that he has a child's character plate. It may also be worth giving him a small plain plate so that he can see how much food there is on it. A child sometimes can't distinguish between the picture on the plate and the food on it, and it can look like there's more than there is.

I use a the list of foods below to ensure my CMPA DC gets enough calcium. Hummus and veggie sticks are a favourite especially when they are tired.
Fortified foods such as plant milk and other fortified dairy alternatives, calcium-set tofu and fortified bread provide the largest sources
Green leafy vegetables, including spring greens, cabbage, swede, rocket, watercress, kale, broccoli and parsley
Oranges
Kidney beans and black eyed-beans
Mixed nuts and seeds
Chickpeas and tahini
Almonds
www.vegansociety.com/resources/nutrition-and-health/vitamins-minerals-and-nutrients/calcium is a useful resource, though we are not vegetarian or vegan. Sardines on toast are full of calcium if your DC will eat them.

Penfold Thanks for the link. All of the things you list, except oranges he wouldnt eat (Not including the fortified stuff)

Your DS is eating a lot of food so what's the problem? My DS is 2.2years and eats half of that on a good day. He has his main meal at lunch time and a lighter meal at 5ish (3., 45pm at nursery!). IMO 6pm is way too late for him. He's getting tired and fractious. And threatening bedtime as a punishment is a really bad idea.

Cutesbabasmummy I don't know what is normal... If you've read the full thread you'll see I am asking advice as I don't have any other children to compare him to and asking for advice thats helpful.

cjt110 I don't have any other children either bit I do see what my friends kids eat and your little one is eating a lot and a good variety too! I have a very picky eater and what worked with him was to take the conflict out of the situation. You should definitely go with an earlier time than 5 for the evening. I was never made to finish everything as a child and I don't make my son do it either. I hope you have happier evening gs ahead.

We dont have many friends - let alone friend with kids - hence why we don't know what toddelrs eat Cutesbabasmummy Bit sad really.

I must say, my Mum comments that he's a good eater (both in volume and variety) so I should listen to that

Eye Around midday

Have you tried him with the milk ladder yet? He's old to still have CMPA - most outgrow it by the time they're two. DS had it and was able to eat dairy at 16 months.

Aside from that, I agree with previous posters about having dinner earlier, not forcing him to clear his plate, not associating dessert as a reward for finishing everything and not associating bedtime as a punishment for not eating.

Starling Yes. Weve managed to get upto step 5 of 12. He was diagnosed at 11m and we were told not to try until he was 18m. We tried not long after tha and failed within the first 2 hours. We then waited and have slowly gotten up to being able to tolerate mash with milk and butter in.

-UPDATE-

Tonight has gone like a dream. I got home and DS was sparko fast asleep. He woke after an hour and a half asking for his tea. He ate 3/4s of it. He didn't want to sit at the table so we had it as a picnic. He merrily sat next to us when we had our tea eating some yoghurt and drinking juice. We've played and it's been a nice night. No one cross, no raised words.

Perhaps a nap is the key?

He is 2!

Only 2! Just give him something light and easy to eat. He can eat more for breakfast and lunch.

When he's older you can have more civilised meals. (Mine are 7&5 and much nicer than they were toddlers).

Believeitornot see my above update!

Dinner at 6 is too late for 2 year old with 7pm bedtime, give him his dinner at 4.30-5, then his beloved toast / pudding at 6 when u eat, that way he is getting into the habit of sitting down with his family to eat and having a snack that you know he will like.

My two kids had a feeding routine like this:

Breakfast 8am
Snack 10am
Lunch 12
Dinner 4.30
Snack - usually toast or pudding eaten with us 5.30-6pm
Bottle / cup milk 7pm

This is how most childcare settings time out their meal plans for under 5's

I did but you thought it was the nap which helped? I would go for picnic type meals every time.

Ellie, that's exactly my toddler's timetable! Except he also has milk at 6.30 as he always wakes by 6.

It's stupidity to force a child to eat. It's a direct route to eating problems/obesity as an adult - you are essentially training him to eat despite being full.

What percentile is he on? Is he dangerously off the bottom of the percentile chart? If not, why are you choosing to turn what should be a nice positive family time into a nightmare?

You should be teaching him to listen to his hunger levels! To know to stop when full. It's great to keep it healthy and vary meals.

You need to have a couple of days where you pass no comment about the food/eating at all - with the exception of asking him to try one mouthful to know the taste.

It's natural for toddlers to be hungry some weeks and not hungry other weeks.

I have 4 healthy slim children who eat a non ending variety of savoury meals. They are the opposite of fussy. I have never been desperate for them to eat. As long as they have one mouthful, it's fine. I don't offer alternatives or regular puddings. We chat about the days events at meal times.

Sometimes they eat less, sometimes more. It's fine.

Stop being obsessed about how much he eats and finishing meals

The book Help, My Child Won't Eat! by Carlos Gonzales should be helpful

starling yes! My first dd was a 6am riser, so I used to give a cup of milk to take her to 8am, luckily my 2nd gives me a little grace and has opted for a 7am wake up, much kinder - still exhausting

Falafelings a mum has asked for help because she has no experience of the problem, no other child to compare to and is looking for guidance. Nowhere did she say she was forcing her child to eat. I am not sure opening a reply with the words "it's stupidity" is helpful In any way.

Thank you to all of those who offered gentle words and guidance. I would never force my child to eat. If you had read the full thread you would see that I am asking for advice and guidance - not criticism of what I am doing Falafelings