To visit an adult baby nursery

[FlappinSwazy]

AIBUE to visit an adult baby nursery to attempt to heal from some very early years childhood sexual abuse.

I have found one, and been offered a place to go visit, which does not provide any sexual / kink / fetish element (nothing wrong with that just not what I am looking for) alongside the adult "babying". It is run by a psychotherapist and appears to be run with clean, honest boundaries to transform early years traumatic memories.

I am so fed up of being unwell. I am pretty desperate and will literally try anything right now. I feel like I am falling apart and other services are not working, or terminating early, or not suitable.

Oops, I have a lovely friend with very similar early childhood experiences who is 6 months into a ft trauma survivors program. She uses meditation and yoga routinely when she is not currently on a specialist program. I think it was being suggested as an interim measure until an appropriate trauma counselling option or program is found. Which is eminently sensible. And is recommended by the people who run trauma counselling programs...
It's actually a very effective way to control panic and anxiety attacks/ flashbacks. No idea why you are being so negative...

Easy way out....

Maybe you didnt mean to be so rude offensive and flippent.

The op is working hard and is trying over come her truma... and hell yea she wants it done as quickly and "easy" dont you think shes worked hard enough?

You said yoga, i dont think yoga will help with your truma... but i do think it can help with imner peace and exercise is good for you. So may be worth taking up again just for that, maybe use it as an escape from dealthing with councling etc?

I missed the easy way out comment.

Yeah, no this is not the easy way out. This is wrapped with shame and guilt and fear. There is no easy way out from complex trauma. I have spent years literally trying to keep my head above water and going to all these different services. For ages they thought I had social anxiety so I was on a completely different track of treatment.

I honestly cannot begin to describe the impact it has on my life right now (now is a particularly bad time with it all and yes, there are better months). I am tired and exhausted and will literally try anything, research anything, ask opinions about anything. Im 30 and I do not want to spend the rest of my child bearing years feeling like this (I also want a baby but I can barely look after myself right now and I don't want one until I am feeling much better, more stable and have a decent support network in place in terms of services).

Somatic healing can be very powerful and yoga can be a gateway into it, as it gets you back in touch with the body.

For people who have suffered early physical and sexual abuse, there is a tendency to disassociate from physical sensation and metaphorically leave the body. Gentle breathing and yoga asanas can help bring you back into the body - it is as much a mind practice as it is a bodily one.

There are a ton of yoga tutorials on YouTube, you don't even have to pay for a class - Yoga with Adrienne is a great resource. I find it really helps my depression, it's not a specific therapy for PTSD but I do think it's a valuable tool in regaining mental health.

I would also look into dance and voice therapies along with art if I were you - good luck sweetheart.

"there is a tendency to disassociate from physical sensation and metaphorically leave the body"

I am spending about 40% of the time dissociated (with amnesia) right now... This is where most of the desparation has come from. Thankfully I don't self harm or attempt suicide when dissociated, but it's awful to not know what you have been up to, where you have been, who you have been with. It's such an awful thing to experience.

I don't think yoga and meditation will "heal" me but I think they could be helpful so I am going to give both a try again in a routined way - thank you for suggesting the youtuber.

Attachment disorder in children is addressed with Theraplay which involves, among other things, being wrapped, rocked, fed, and touched in an age appropriate but intimate way. This sounds like Theraplay for adults, which is not a ridiculous idea.

If you check into the qualifications and experience of this therapist, do your research, then I think it has potential. It is a really important part of infancy which may need rewiring.

I really can't comment about the adult nursery.
I do agree that I would double check their credentials, just in case it will bring more issues with you thn it will create.

I can help with the meditation though.
There are plenty of apps around but the two I prefer are
-Headspace

• Insight timer

None of them are specifically designed for trauma, even though the second one has LOTS of different type of meditations so you might find one that is working well for you. I would t worry about still hearing a voice in your head when you are meditation. It's quite normal. The important bit is to realise it's there and you are thinking and then go back to whatever you are concentrating on. It's the realising and goingback that is important.

I watched a documentary a few years back, about a couple of foster parents who successfully fostered children that had had numerous failed placements. The children all had very challenging behaviours.

This couple nurtured the children and repeated the children's milestones/developmental stages. Eg One 10 year old was spoon fed as she had been severely neglected as a toddler and rarely fed. I think the research behind it comes from bowlby's work on attachment theory.

This method really did work for these children in their care. So I can totally see and understand how it would work for an adult, my only concern would be the risks in finding a suitable agency/person that could provide this type of service for you! Maybe look for a therapist with a good understanding of Bowlby?

Adult baby nursery, isn't that the pub?

OP I can completely understand why this would appeal to you - you want your childhood to have been different, and the idea that acting as a child again with a nurturing adult will address this must have a strong pull.

However. You are no longer a child and dressing and acting like one with a stranger is I think doubtful to undo the years of difficulty caused by the initial trauma and also unlikely to parachute this person - even well intentioned (which as others have said they may not be) into your past memories.

A good friend of mine has recently had PTSD type of therapy on the NHS for childhood trauma and it has been a long and involved process which centered around her exploring the memories in a safe therapeutic environment and then beginning to 'rewrite' her interpretation of them not as the child she was but as the adult she has become. I think this is a much more beneficial approach because it has essentially meant that she is the agent for a change in focus and also that she has not only rewritten her experiences for her adult self but also for her child self, which is perhaps the essence of the healing you are after? Forgive me if I've got that wrong and am speaking out of turn.

Not meditation, mindfulness. It brings you out of your thoughts/head and into the present. I use it to deal with my issues. It's a technique to pull you out of panic attacks etc.

We are encouraged to allow our children with a history of trauma to regress and feed with bottles etc. The theory is that they have missed a developmental stage and need to return to it to heal and move on. This may be the type of thing that you are hoping for. With children though, it is a lot about attachment with their new carer and I wonder what the main focus would be with you. Learning to Trust? Or returning to that missed stage in your life? Having tried bottle feeding my non baby traumatised child, it maybe sounds less weird to me than some, but would still encourage caution and hope that the place is very reputable.

really? People are really encouraging this person to go with this? Sweet jesus get a grip

YANBU. If it works for you, and you get a good and safe feeling there then go for it I say! - who is to say what form of healing you need but you should be applauded for being proactive and thinking outside the box. Role play is known as a very potent and safe method of "going" to difficult areas/times in our lives and in my opinion, it's worth a try. I hope you get the healing you need. x

Hi OP - I absolutely 'get' how you want and need a fix to the absolute trauma you experienced in you childhood. I really have to agree with what PP have said and please tread carefully - check out the credentials of the person you are having a 'one to one' with and research whether they are professionally acknowledged.

My sister suffered abuse as a child before [she became] my sister - i,e she is adopted but she is very much my sister as my biological sister is.

I have told her about your thread and she absolutely disagrees with you 'reparenting'. For the fact that the person you are in discussion with (absolutely not a recognised professional) would offer the services of changing nappies and/or advertising themselves as a 'mummy'.

Please, I can imagine though appreciate I don't have one iota of the horror you went through as a child - please don't subject yourself to what could be a person who is just out to make money and doesn't care one iota about people. Doing this could make your already, understandably frame of mind 100x worse.

I wish you the very best and hope you can find peace xx

This might be a way forward?

www.ppfoundation.co.uk/what-is-parks-inner-child-therapy/

I don't know, it sounds wrong and almost abusive of vulnerable people to me.

I'd never heard of adult babies before this thread to be honest but put it into youtube and found this:

I know it's all consenting and free choice and everything but I'm afraid I find it deeply unsettling, creepy and almost frightening. That couple at the beginning really do seem to see themselves as therapists in some way and I think that's dangerous.

www.ppfoundation.co.uk/happens-pict-session/

Okay, I've just googled and everything that came up would be filtered into my 'dodgy as fuck' category. Do you feel able to share which service you've found so that we can help you work out whether it is also dodgy or if there's some actual therapy involved?

Middleclassproblem - you don't need to do regression to confirm what you know happened. Narc parents always deny everything. Have you looked at the Stately Homes thread? My parents were incredibly gushing in public - soul destroyers in private. Took about 45 years to start staying stuff out loud and realise that people had already had their suspicions

No what's the stately homes thread?

I'm very skeptical of this. I'm sorry but I find it very hard to believe that an ethical therapist would run something like this. Honestly, if a patient got really attached to their therapist, that could cause more trauma in the long run.

I think we as women who have experienced trauma in childhood have to reach deep within ourselves and mother ourselves. You have to be your own mother and nurture yourself. You do this by journaling, paying attention to your feelings, respecting yourself, knowing when you've had enough, listening to your body, etc. Therapy can help but with a gentle guide -- not a surrogate mother and not reverting into a state that we have long passed. I also find the whole thing about this just plain creepy.

OP - hi !!!

I have terrible trouble with disassociation too. I feel your pain. Feel free to IM me, if it would help you. X

Here are the books that helped me.

Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation:Skills Training for Patients & Therapists- Suzette Boon et al

The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachement, Communication & Self-Regulation- Stephen Porges (also if you google The Polyvagal Theory Stephen Porges, there are lots of good videos of him talking about the implications of his work for trauma, childhood attachment/development etc. Less detailed but more accessible).

Walking the Tiger: Healing Trauma- the Innate Caoacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences- Peter Levine

The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrists Notebook- What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love & Healing- Bruce D. Perry

Unlocking the Emotional Brain- Bruce Ecker et al.

TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercises): A revolutionary new method for stress/trauma recovery- David Barcelona

Also www.pete-walker.com

US military is taking PTSD really seriously now, so there are new and hopeful treatments, based on neuroscience (e.g. it's a physical trauma located in the brain that can be healed) rather than psychoanalysis. The use of neuroscience and things like MRI scans to monitor what goes on in the brain looks fruitful. I know it's about combat related PTSD not PTSD related to childhood abuse, but the thinking is that those things are different acts that create a traumatic brain injury that results in PTSD/attachment disorder.
Here is a link to a good programme on Forces TV about developments

I can't describe how much of a difference reading these books and following the advice given as made to me. I've gone from having frequent flashbacks and nightmares, a high general state of anxiety and dissociation, to a much, much better quality of life. Two of the biggest factors where:

1. Developing consistent patterns of self-care to stabilise myself
2. Having a strategy for flashbacks (see Pete walker's website), and briefing those close to me on that strategy. A huge part of this was learning not fear or squash down flashbacks-,but see them as both inevitable a healing opportunity. A flashback/panic attack is basically your mind/body trying to re-learn/correct a traumatic memory- the Unlocking the Emotional Brain book is very good on this.

Yoga, massage with a trusted therapist and meditation have also played a role- making me more physically comfortable with myself, connecting mind and body better.

Good luck and take care xxx

David Berceli not David Barcelona!