AIBU to think mums net should not be about bullying

[ZanStable]

I want to start by saying that I know this will get me called every name under the sun by a lot of you but I will take the bullying on the chin.

I have noticed a theme happening in thread where if you disagree with someone's point people have started resorting to name calling and mocking which to me is a form of bullying so I have to ask is this what you are all teaching your children?

I understand not everyone will agree but everything is posted yesterday either regarding myself or on someone else's thread resulted in at least one insult to my character or just mocking nasty comments.

I have been called an idiot, stupid, a princess, cold hearted, just to name a few just yesterday alone.

If your child came to you and said they had posted something online and was mocked and called names what would you think?
Is this acceptable from children? If not why are grown adults who are supposed to support each othere in raising said children resorting to this behaviour.

I don't see why some of you need to make yourselves feel better by insulting others or even comparing how "great you are" to others. I feel bad that you need to do it. If you do not know your own worth then I guess it might help you feel better to attack others if that is the case I send you a lot of love because you need it.

I was hoping mum's net would be a safe supportive place as I said even if you don't agree with someone there is a way of expressing yourself without lowering the tone to insults. I for one find it all very saddening as we all struggle with something about ourselves and I hoped that it would make this group of people more understanding.

I won't post again regarding anything and will advise other new parents to do the same. Read the articles yes but express anything on a forum no as some people might not have the thick skin needed to cope with the reply.

IFS Don't pretend that calling someone names and mocking them is 'having a robust opinion'.

A robust opinion is when you share your argument and your reasons in a direct way.

Calling someone names and mocking them is direct bullying not sharing your informed opinion.

OP you are not alone. Sadly. However, there are plenty of people on the site who do not behave in a bullying way. Try and focus on your interactions with them and ignore the rest and of course use the report button. Its there for a reason 😉

I'm a pretty new user to mumsnet and have actually been pretty impressed at how lovely and genuinely helpful people are here - and how willing to give advice to people.

That being said, I'm usually on Relationships or Style & Beauty, which I've heard people say are fluffier than AIBU

I've NC-ed for a couple of threads where I genuinely needed advice and yes, there were a couple of sarcastic and deliberately unhelpful comments, but ultimately this is an anonymous forum and I expect the rough with the smooth. In my rather narrow and limited experience of MN, MN has a lot less of the rough than elsewhere.

No one would insult someone in the street that they don't know the way that some posters treat others on here.
It has nothing to do with knowing someone or not. Name it and challenge it: bullying.

Someone recentltly told me that they were genuinely worried about my mental health. It amused me because a) I was joking and b) as a therapist I like to think I'm self aware enough to realise if I was reaching for the green crayons.

I'm seeing more 'agitators' here now - they pull the pin and lob the grenade - and downright rude comments about posters (rather than the post).

I don't know. I remember when it was all green fields around here...

What does 'reaching for the green crayons' mean?

I commented on that thread that you were being precious and ott..this just clarifys.

So you have managed to accuse half the site of trolling, done a TAAT and accused a load of people of bullying? Well played, OP

No one would insult someone in the street that they don't know the way that some posters treat others on here

Daft comparison. If a stranger stopped you on the street and asked you if they had been unreasonable in a situation, and they had, you'd tell them. And if they'd been a dick, you might well tell them that.

People aren't just randomly accosted on MN, minding their own business. They choose to post, they choose to engage, they choose to ask questions. Then they get all bothered when people tell them what they actually think.
If you don't want opinions, don't ask for them. And if you don't want honest, robust opinions, don't ask here!

Calling someone names and mocking them is direct bullying not sharing your informed opinion

No it isn't. If you ask us if you are being a twat, and we tell you yes you are being a twat, heres why, that is a robust opinion.
It's not "bullying". You need a dictionary!

I totally agree! The majority offer really great advice and support and, of course, forceful and strong opinions are fine, but some people are just plain mean... sometimes!

I do think that people can be a bit strong in their responses on here, and there's a bit of a mob-mentality on occasion, but that's the nature of AIBU and if the OP takes it on the chin, responders usually appreciate that.

But there's a difference between people strongly voicing their opinions on an AIBU and bullying.

What Spartacus was on the receiving end of last night and today is the most obvious example if bullying I've seen on here though; just a string of personal attacks, unrelated to the topic of the thread, for pages.

Fortunately I think Spartacus has enough about her that she isn't really going to be affected.

By the sounds of it, that poster should be banned.

Yabu

I went for a nap, just came back and find that thread has been deleted! What happened?

Yanbu. I didn't realise posting a thread referencing to an other thread was against the rules. Some immature idiot wrote, TAAT Fuckoff. Just no need to be so rude imo, i reported my own thread anyway once i realised. I think some people use MN to feel bigger personality wise as maybe they lack confidence in real life. Why else act like such a dick!

Mynestisfullofempty - nothing new, just more of the same from that one poster (something Belle, I think?). I asked her to do everyone a favour and just leave the thread, various posters agreed and she seemed to go quiet (well, she managed to go about 10 mins without posting), but I think HQ'd had enough of the thread by that point and it got plucked (which caused me to slam my breaks on and glare at HQ, open-mouthed).

(Not actually annoyed with HQ, it was the right call, unfortunately)

I agree that it's unacceptable to name call. It's very unpleasant. I have been honest before and told people I thought their comment was unpleasant or even horrible, but I wouldn't say "you are horrible". That's the difference.

It's fine to disagree but it's not fine to personally insult somebody especially with name calling.

YANBU. It's not all the time but I have seen some nastiness. I also agree it's sometimes bullying. Once a thread has a certain momentum more and more people like to dive in to have a go at the OP. Sometimes I agree the OP is BU but there's still no need to write nasty bullying comments.

Thanks very much NoWinNoFfi. I love the way you phrased that
Very good. I think you deserve a but leave it where it is for others to enjoy please or I might look at you.

There are so many of these bloody threads perhaps MNHQ should consider giving them a forum all of their own.

There should be a "mn are a bunch of bjullying bjitches" topic, shouldn't there

Thing is with the nastiness, like most MN posters, it's sophisticated. Not just immature name calling. More sarcastic, underhand, jabs. Often in posts that add nothing to help the op on an advise section of Mumsnet.

I agree with this. Sometimes it would be better just be called a stupid bitch outright.

I think the pint of this thread has been lost. Or at least the sentiment behind it.

I know I've often been out off posting a thread or even posting a reply because of the way others may respond.

op you don't have to post again if you don't want to but YABU to put other people off.
I've had some wonderful support and reassurance on MN. In turn I have shared my experiences with the hope of helping others.
You could be denying other people the chance to get help, just because you didn't like some of the comments posted.

Every time I post something I get slated no matter what it is, so now I don't post at all except for three tonight as I felt brave and there was a post close to my heart but I've hidden all three as I know I will just get ripped apart and I'm really sensitive. Going to hide this one too 😏