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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think mums net should not be about bullying

111 replies

ZanStable · 16/03/2017 15:20

I want to start by saying that I know this will get me called every name under the sun by a lot of you but I will take the bullying on the chin.

I have noticed a theme happening in thread where if you disagree with someone's point people have started resorting to name calling and mocking which to me is a form of bullying so I have to ask is this what you are all teaching your children?

I understand not everyone will agree but everything is posted yesterday either regarding myself or on someone else's thread resulted in at least one insult to my character or just mocking nasty comments.

I have been called an idiot, stupid, a princess, cold hearted, just to name a few just yesterday alone.

If your child came to you and said they had posted something online and was mocked and called names what would you think?
Is this acceptable from children? If not why are grown adults who are supposed to support each othere in raising said children resorting to this behaviour.

I don't see why some of you need to make yourselves feel better by insulting others or even comparing how "great you are" to others. I feel bad that you need to do it. If you do not know your own worth then I guess it might help you feel better to attack others if that is the case I send you a lot of love because you need it.

I was hoping mum's net would be a safe supportive place as I said even if you don't agree with someone there is a way of expressing yourself without lowering the tone to insults. I for one find it all very saddening as we all struggle with something about ourselves and I hoped that it would make this group of people more understanding.

I won't post again regarding anything and will advise other new parents to do the same. Read the articles yes but express anything on a forum no as some people might not have the thick skin needed to cope with the reply.

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 16/03/2017 16:00

Spartacus the shit you got last night was absolutely ridiculous!
You are able to handle it and it may be water off a duck's back-but I personally would have been at least highly pissed off.
I know a few posters that would have been really upset by it too if it was directed at them.
Glad it didn't affect you too much though Flowers

TimeforANewTwatName · 16/03/2017 16:03

I wasn't on last night, but occasionally there is a spate of Goady troll posters, they seem to come on in packs, then regulars react to them, and if you are new and don't know whats going on it can look pretty bad.

Not sure if that is what was happening last night though.

Oh and re your thread, I don't think you were being unreasonable. But only because I think you have dh problem, you shouldn't be waiting on him and his mother hand and foot.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 16/03/2017 16:03

You are relatively anonymous on MN though. So not really the same as a child being cyber bullied.

Iamthedogsmother · 16/03/2017 16:05

I have seen a few examples of bullying on MN and I find it quite uncomfortable reading. I have posted on here for advice about my dcs, in my case because my own mum died some years ago and I have absolutely no support. So MN for me is for advice. It is 'by parents for parents' isn't it? One of my dcs has ASD. I'm not a confident person yet I've had my parenting style critised, accused of not having my DDs back during an episode of bullying. (I have and I dealt with it) but that really hurt. Some time ago, I asked for advice over a teacher critising my dd during parents evening (teacher saying DD was too noisy). MNetters labelled my DD 'loud mouth' 'fog horn' etc. For what's it's worth she was none of those things and is now crippled with a lack of confidence as it turned out the teacher was bullying her, and others kids too. I'm all for constructive criticism and of course we have differing opinions but some times it goes too far. It seems to me that some MNs don't feel their day is complete unless they've shot down someone - perhaps bear in mind though that it might be someone like me who is struggling to get it right in difficult circumstances, with no help.

Backt0Black · 16/03/2017 16:05

OP - I don't think anything said here is at all a parallel to this

No wonder our children are killing themselves from cyber bullying

Posters disagreed with you and said you were overreacting, that is all.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 16/03/2017 16:06

Yes sometimes regulars pick up on posters who are obviously trolling or being goady for the lolz. They will get called out on it.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 16/03/2017 16:06

Thanks Beryl. I was bemused, but not upset.
I have a turn of phrase that many won't like, but its never personal and its never mean. It's usually just sweary, which seems to fuck some snowflakes off and they get nasty and personal. Says more about them though, I think.

BeMorePanda · 16/03/2017 16:09

So insulting people is okay now
Insulting people is a British pastime.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 16/03/2017 16:09

Gosh yes, and one of the best, I think Panda?

BeMorePanda · 16/03/2017 16:10

May I introduce you to the Fawltys:
www.fawltysite.net/misc/insults.htm

BeMorePanda · 16/03/2017 16:12

such fun!

Original poster
ZanStable · 16/03/2017 16:13

Snowflakes is an interesting term that people use to insult right there. However get enough snowflakes and a storm comes.However I thought you handled yourself well last night @ImFuckingSpartacus

@Iamthedogsmother I will say sorry to you for having to be made to feel that way I know others will not understand so I will send hugs.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 16/03/2017 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kel1493 · 16/03/2017 16:13

If you have a different opinion to that of the majority, so many will jump on and attack I've noticed. Asking why you're opinion is different to that of others.
We are all entitled to our own opinions, and should be able to share those without worry of being called names or such like.
I agree, make your point, even if it is different. If someone has a different opinion to you, respect that and leave it there. If you wish to ask why a person has a particular opinion, do so in a nice respectful way, that will not make them feel insulted or like its a personal attack.

QueenofallIsee · 16/03/2017 16:14

I have never seen anything I would call bullying. I have seen alot of people when not agreed with by everyone, calling other posters names and accusing them of bullying. To be honest, it is less of a mystery then why those people are having problems with other people.

Bullying to me is an unwanted personal attack, someone using a superior position to intimidate someone and sustained/repeated over time.

I think you mean aggressive posters, which would be true but I find the moderation on these boards good

zzzzz · 16/03/2017 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateAntaia · 16/03/2017 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsGameandWatch · 16/03/2017 16:19

I think you're spot on actually OP. I find too, that the ones who are irritated about these threads calling it out are the ones who are the worst for it. Sometimes it's "robust", mostly its nasty, sneery unpleasantness.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 16/03/2017 16:20

If you have a different opinion to that of the majority, so many will jump on and attack I've noticed

If you have a different opinion to the majority then obviously the majority will be disagreeing with you. That's just logical. It's not an attack for them to disagree with you, and its not any kind of mob its just that you are in the minority.
People take it far too personally. So someone disagrees with you online, so what? Its not about you, they don't know you.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 16/03/2017 16:21

It's what chat forums are for. Disagreeing with people Grin

Mynestisfullofempty · 16/03/2017 16:21

Spartacus didn't deserve what she got last night at all. I'm very pleased to read that it didn't upset her. Daffodil

TimeforANewTwatName · 16/03/2017 16:22

It might be worth you exploring other parts of mumsnet too, and stay away from AIBU for a bit.

Here's a nice lighthearted thread in chat.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2879395-You-really-got-five-lives?msgid=67647972#67647972

I've said it before and I'll say it again there is a lot more to mumsnet then AIBU.

There are lots and lots of lovely supportive posters and threads on here.

Unfortunately like anywhere there will always be someone who is rude/take something the wrong way/ has a bad day and then decides they don't like the cut of your jib/ trolls/ Goady fuckers.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 16/03/2017 16:23

It's not just last night, one poster is STILL having a go for me daring to still have opinions. I post at someone else and she has another go at me directly, just five mins ago. She's obsessed with me!

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 16:23

No wonder our children are killing themselves from cyber bullying

VintagePerfumista · 16/03/2017 16:24

I reported a zillion posts all by one person last night and am pleased to see most have been deleted.

That poster was a twat, she was offensive and one of the nastiest people I've come across on here in almost 13 years.

Was she bullying?

No, actually, she wasn't. She was scattergunning one particular thread with her bile. And calling anyone who disagreed with her nasty nasty names.

But she wasn't a bully. She was (and presume is) just a nasty piece of work.

To call anyone who disagrees, or even offends, a bully is actually to diminish what real bullying is. Think of the children whose stories we hear time and again. Ongoing, consistent, grinding down, ganging up on one person. That's bullying.

Not some arsewit being a twat because they can hide behind a screen.