AIBU to think mums net should not be about bullying

[ZanStable]

I want to start by saying that I know this will get me called every name under the sun by a lot of you but I will take the bullying on the chin.

I have noticed a theme happening in thread where if you disagree with someone's point people have started resorting to name calling and mocking which to me is a form of bullying so I have to ask is this what you are all teaching your children?

I understand not everyone will agree but everything is posted yesterday either regarding myself or on someone else's thread resulted in at least one insult to my character or just mocking nasty comments.

I have been called an idiot, stupid, a princess, cold hearted, just to name a few just yesterday alone.

If your child came to you and said they had posted something online and was mocked and called names what would you think?
Is this acceptable from children? If not why are grown adults who are supposed to support each othere in raising said children resorting to this behaviour.

I don't see why some of you need to make yourselves feel better by insulting others or even comparing how "great you are" to others. I feel bad that you need to do it. If you do not know your own worth then I guess it might help you feel better to attack others if that is the case I send you a lot of love because you need it.

I was hoping mum's net would be a safe supportive place as I said even if you don't agree with someone there is a way of expressing yourself without lowering the tone to insults. I for one find it all very saddening as we all struggle with something about ourselves and I hoped that it would make this group of people more understanding.

I won't post again regarding anything and will advise other new parents to do the same. Read the articles yes but express anything on a forum no as some people might not have the thick skin needed to cope with the reply.

Bullying is not on. However thee seems to be a fair few users that make threads in AIBU then cry bully if people say yes, they are being unreasonable. thats not bullying, thats disagreeing

I think MN has possible been going through a bit of a patch over the last few weeks. Some posters can never resist a pile on, and a few posters are deliberately rude.

It's always been like that though (I go back a few years now), but it ebbs and flows.

It ain't always pretty, I'll grant you that,

By th way that was to the op, not sure what happened with Spartacus.

I just think some people are as rude in real life as they are on here, and I'm always a bit open mouthed at them - whether in envy or pity, I'm not quite sure. I've often posted a reply that was my genuine honest opinion or how I'd deal with something, and some people rip it to shreds. Which is their right I guess. I'm just happy I'm not like that, imagine having to cope with them in real life .

If a poster is consistently being a nasty twat all over MN.You can get your life they are trolling.

It's not difficult to work that out.

That's spooky - I was just thinking this morning that we hadn't had a thread along these lines for a week or so...

People should report personal attacks. The rest of it depends on the posters - some are nice, some aren't, like in any walk of life.

I have been here a few years and these threads crop up sometimes - although as a TAAT they are also against guidelines.

The site is more than a parenting site. Lots of people here don't have kids or ever intend to, there are so many topics that it has all kinds of people. And some topics attract more 'robust' replies than others. in fact we haven't had a 'why do non parents use the site' post for ages either, now I think about it

AIBU is always

AIBU is always fairly lairy - some of the other topics are gentler

I am aware of the good thank god. I worry for those who don't.
I knew most people would be hard on me yesterday I was being harsh towards myself about it. I don't care.
However I came on last night to stuff I felt was way out of hand and as others have said uncalled for.
I am glad the person involved is like myself tough enough to deal with it but I worry that someone who may be genuinely struggling will get hurt by some of the way people choose to talk to others.
I am also concerned by the fact that people think that it is not bullying to insult someone online as you don't know the person. As someone who has lived with a partner who was so depressed he killed himself I can tell you to some people it would not matter that they don't know you. By personally attacking it could affect someone you don't know in a way you didn't mean it to.
I am not throwing my dummy out cos I did not like the answers I got I am actually stirring a pot to see what happens.

But report personal attacks if you see them - they will get zapped.

Which thread was it - the Mother's Day one?

What do you do if you see someone attacking someone?

MN is self moderating. It's up to its users to report or challenge on the thread.

Sorry at the top of the thread i didnt mean disagreeing is bullying but i have had a fee where i have had a different opinion and told i was irrational and a few other names when i was using a different username. Thats not on. Its fine not to agree. Thats the whole point but to try and rip someone to shreads for having a different opinion is down right stupid.

YANBU, I've noticed that kind of behaviour comes in peals n troughs on here. Revoke these guttersnipes mumsnet passport and send them straight to netmums ...that will learn em!!

some of the other topics are gentler

I post mostly on the Sleep board of Mumsnet. In fairly "robust" in that I don't do hand holding and fluffy loveliness.

I fairly regularly am insulted. Even on this "gentler" corner of Mumsnet.

Thing is with the nastiness, like most MN posters, it's sophisticated. Not just immature name calling. More sarcastic, underhand, jabs. Often in posts that add nothing to help the op on an advise section of Mumsnet.

Mostly I'm thick skinned enough just to ignore and move on. But they do sometimes make me feel a bit... sad. A bit "why do I bother?".

Especially when i mostly post with practical suggestions and help rather than "chat". Then someone comes along with a post who's tone is why don't you just fuck off FATE?.

Lots of people often disagree with me. It's the way of things when it comes down to parenting and if I was bothered by being disagreed with, I wouldn't be listing on mumsnet.

But to be insulted because someone disagreed with practical advice I offer. That is plain rude, definately unnecessary and is on the increase.

It's difficult to self moderate if what one person considers insulting and bullying another sees as banter so how do you tell the line without some clarity of rules?

I am a fairly new user and my concern is for other new users who come across some of the posting like what was on a thread last night and think that mumsnet is troll centre 1 lol

If in doubt, report the post. HQ then take a view on whether or not it should be deleted

And it's not nice to call the place troll central

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta
Not my fault the train keeps pulling in with the fluffy hairy monsters on board. Lol

Troll hunting is the biggest no no on the site!

Btw if you want to bold a name, put an asterisk either side.

The @ sign means that an email will be sent to them to tell them they have been mentioned which is a little annoying

And there is a vast difference between trolling and having a different opinion

Ah see important info thank you

It might be worth lurking on threads to get the general 'culture' of the place.

For example, Things like 'bubs' 'hubby' etc are frowned upon. But people use the word cunt with impunity. That kind of use of language reflects the kind of people that post here - no tweeness but a refusal to 'dress things up nicely'

Starting threads like this will always cause a little friction though - if you aren't happy with someone's comment, report or take it up with them on the thread.

Otherwise it's the equivalent of going into a pub full of regulars and saying how horrid they all are

Also hiding topics and threads can be helpful