To think that if you're pregnant and want a seat, just ask?

[yummycake123]

I was on the train this morning; I had a seat by the door, I was reading the news on my phone. After a few stations I looked up and noticed a lady standing in front of me. She was wearing a belted coat and had a bit of a "bloat". I was wondering if she was pregnant or not, we made eye contact, I didn't see a Baby on board badge. A minute later another woman asks loudly in my direction "Can any of you guys give your seat to this lady?!?". I stood up and offered my seat and said "Sorry I didn't realise...". As I stood up I saw her baby on board badge on the side of her chest...which wasn't visible from where I was sitting.
I was a bit mortified because I probably ended up looking like a selfish cow to everyone around me. These are strangers so I shouldn't really care as I won't see them again, but it annoyed me.
AIBU to think that if you're pregnant and want a seat, just ask?!
I've been pregnant, I've commuted, I've always just asked when I needed a seat. (sometimes I didn't mind standing up...)

Yabu. People should offer. Most people don't want to ask in case the person refuses and they're embarrassed.

Olivia and Super sorry I disagree. If you are fortunate and lucky to get a seat that is a complete luxury on transport in London- please don't get lost in "your little world" and think about other people who NEED not just WANT a seat, and glance up occasionally to check. Not that hard.

Personally if I ever sit in a priority seat when not pregnant, I will make sure I'm vigilant enough to see people who need it. If I want to read my book/doze off I sit in a seat as far away from the door as possible.

molly I'll assume you've never travelled on northern line in rush hour? head tilt

Often as I explained before tubes are so tightly packed you can barely see for the people packed in front of you!

YANBU.

I never asked when I was pregnant

come on, it's bad enough to have to be commuting, you can't be expected to check if someone wants a seat at every station. How can you even know that someone "needs" a seat? Not all injuries are obvious, not everybody has crutches or a sling, not all pregnant women want to seat - it's easier to stand near the door when you have only one stop.

Don't take a seat for your bag or your toddler on a packed train, but you can read or work in peace. if you need a seat, just ask.

super been commuting in London for past 20 years, on every frigging line possible, so yes I have done. All I'm saying is dont just get "lost" in your book/iPad and never glance up and around, that's all. I made sure my on board badge was always high up so could be seen higher, while bump lower, giving as much possible visibility and hopefully increasing chance of getting a seat! To those that actually looked/acknowledged that is.

I am pregnant and have two badges knocking around in my coat pockets but for some reason I just can't bring myself to wear them. Also I can't bear to ask someone to stand up for me. I know it's pathetic but I am just too embarrassed. Possibly partly because I am overweight anyway and until I really started showing felt people might not believe me and partly because I also feel I am still okay to stand, although I guess I am running the risk of people bumping into me when the train jerks, or whatever.

Mostly, I just try to get a later train where I know I will get a seat (although this makes me quite late home some nights) or try to bag one of the leaners they have installed on some Southeastern trains. Commuting is so awful at the moment anyway that getting or not getting a seat is only a small part of it.

I don't think a pregnant lady should have to ask no, nor do i think a disabled person or elderly person should. I don't think yabu though as sometimes it's hard to tell.

points its not "so bad commuting" when you are lucky to have plonked your arse in a seat really though is it? You are lucky to have one, so to just glance up occasionally to see if anyone is clearly disabled/with a stick/broken leg/pregnant really isn't SO much of a strain is it?

YABU. I felt rude asking.

Twice I've been on the verge of congratulating someone on their pregnancy when they weren't pregnant. It's a no win situation, but you did nothing wrong if you were unaware. No need for the other person to be aggressive.

Bellerophon, I had to argue with a guy on a crowded train once. He just kept insisting I take his seat. I didn't want it! Literally asked me 5 times, asking why not? Go on! Go on! I had to get quite snippy in the end. Then he acted like I was the unreasonable one.

DEmum please wear them!! The first time before I wore mine I was the same and felt like a right idiot and really bizarre putting it on. However I stepped onto train and a gorgeous, gallant man took one look and asked the whole carriage for a seat for me! Sadly, it didn't continue like this every day, but still made things easier and I felt safer with it on, any extra visibility (as bump in crowds often gets "lost") is a good thing.

I was pregnant and commuting in London before the badges were a thing. I always asked. 9 times out of ten I got a seat without question. Women were always happy to jump up, big strapping suited men used to raise their newspapers higher and avoid eye contact (smartphones and kindle were in their infancy last time I was pregnant!). If a man did get up it was rarely the alpha male type - usually older, more casually dressed, less overly groomed men were the ones to offer. Hipster guys were quite good at it, even if they did make a show of how great they were, lol! One time a bloke got up for me and a very sharply suited, shiny shoed man behind his newspaper shook his head and said "You poor schmuck!"

Woman shouting out was U. If the pregnant lady wanted a seat she could have asked nicely when you made eye contact.

points its not "so bad commuting" when you are lucky to have plonked your arse in a seat really though is it?

Have you been commuting with Southern recently? Yes, it is bad, the seat is the least of your worries. Plus I am not lucky to have a seat, I catch the right train. (or try to, when there is a train to catch).

You are raising an interesting point, if I arrive at the station 15 minutes early in the morning, to ensure I have a seat in my train, why should I give it to someone who just strolls at the last second? I am not even saying I would ever refuse to give a seat, but it's terribly entitled to expect the seat without asking because you expect to be so important other passengers cannot do their own thing and you are too grand to ask a question.

points did you travel on the lines when southern kindly cut half of their trains? Last summer.

The thing is then on London overground ginger line service they had from Clapham junction every pregnant woman I saw was offered a seat, almost every time!

What DEMum says is a good point, I noticed a few pregnant women got later trains in the morning to ensure a better chance of getting a seat. If that's what they want to do then that's fine and sensible.

I'm disabled.
I don't ask people to vacate the wheelchair area on buses or trains because I've been told to fuck off before. I'm also being assessed for ASD and am really scared of asking.

Before I started using the wheelchair I wouldn't have dared ask for a seat for the same reasons.

Perhaps what we need is an app, which alerts those in the vicinity that there is a 'pregnant person' close by in need of a seat, and then no-one ever need talk to anyone ever again.

did you travel on the lines when southern kindly cut half of their trains? Last summer.

and during the deep hole under track around Clapham incident, strikes, more strikes, and oh, some strikes again, line side fires, a couple of casualties, dancing trespasser, closure of London Bridge and did I mention the strikes?

People should take responsibilities for themselves. If you need a seat, ask. I have never witnessed any rudeness when someone asked politely, the young men in suit tend to be the first ones to jump in on my line. Just don't ask a specific person, they might have a perfectly valid reason to need a seat, and the whole thing becomes too awkward.

points you might never have witnessed any rudeness, but then so many on here openly admit to being "lost in their own little worlds" sitting on their seats and not glancing around, so hardly surprising? Lots of us have shared stories where we have asked and been treated with nothing but contempt, sometimes aggression, which is the reason many do not ask for fear of that happening. Believe me, it happens. Shouldn't we also take responsibility as individuals to be kind and decent to other people where possible?

YNBU. Was the martyr demaning asking people to give up their seat sitting down herself. Bit pot kettle if she was.

I remember feeling absolutely awful in early pregnancy, terrible nausea, on my knees exhausted and general 'hung over' feeling', and a bit faint. Standing on the tube every day was quite a challange but I didn't look pregnant and hadn't received my badge, and I was too embarrassed to ask for a seat. In fact I was sitting down once and a heavier pregnant lady got on and asked me for my seat. I was too nervous to say I needed it as was pregnant too, so got up
Sadly, I didn't need it for long as I miscarried at nine weeks (about a week after receiving my badge in the post) but I can see it from both sides. Not being brave enough to ask for a seat, and also not being brave enough to offer in case the woman isn't pregnant.

I would be surprised if an entire carriage was rudely refusing a seat to someone who asks politely for it! I have heard people sniggering and someone shouting "congratulations" when a woman started shouting "Well I am pregnant" when boarding the train. If she wanted a seat, she could have asked politely.

You are never going to make me feel bad for reading a book with my headphones on when I am in the train. If you ask for a seat, I will give it to you, just ask. You are an adult.

It's also unreasonable to expect anyone to give up their seat, how do you know they don't need it?