To think that if you're pregnant and want a seat, just ask?

[yummycake123]

I was on the train this morning; I had a seat by the door, I was reading the news on my phone. After a few stations I looked up and noticed a lady standing in front of me. She was wearing a belted coat and had a bit of a "bloat". I was wondering if she was pregnant or not, we made eye contact, I didn't see a Baby on board badge. A minute later another woman asks loudly in my direction "Can any of you guys give your seat to this lady?!?". I stood up and offered my seat and said "Sorry I didn't realise...". As I stood up I saw her baby on board badge on the side of her chest...which wasn't visible from where I was sitting.
I was a bit mortified because I probably ended up looking like a selfish cow to everyone around me. These are strangers so I shouldn't really care as I won't see them again, but it annoyed me.
AIBU to think that if you're pregnant and want a seat, just ask?!
I've been pregnant, I've commuted, I've always just asked when I needed a seat. (sometimes I didn't mind standing up...)

toomuchtoocold - come on that's a bit too much. You want people to notice and offer, but then you want them to be mind readers when you don't need a seat because you'd prefer to stand

How about just "it's ok I don't need it today but you're lovely to offer" or something?

I honestly think 90% of these problems is due to the British malaise that

• We don't want to speak to people who we consider "strangers"

• We absolutely don't want to ever be told by a stranger to do something

YANBU.

People love to get all dramatic about priority seats on trains. I bet the woman who asked you all to give up your seat is feeling really pleased with herself and thinks she's done her good deed for the day

I get on the tube at the first stop and there are usually two or more trains waiting to go at any one time. If you get on the train leaving first you won't get a seat as it's already packed. The one leaving second usually has space, so when I was pregnant I always headed for that one.

The other day a pregnant lady got on the train 10 seconds before the doors shut and then announced in a really huffy way "ummmm, I'm pregnant, can't someone give me their seat?!" The way she spoke was totally unnecessary and quite brazen really given she could have just got on the half empty train behind which was leaving in 2 minutes. It would be nice to have a bit of consideration and politeness going both ways!

Yanbu - I wish people would be more vocal. I read an interesting article that said it's almost always women who offer seats as they're conscientious commuters. I don't like to be 'too' much in my own world when commuting as I'm almost always packed-in like a sardine and too wary of my bag, phone, others etc.

The woman who shouted out was a cunt and the pregnant lady was probably as embarrassed as you were.

As PP said last I checked pregnant women could still speak for themselves. If I was that pregnant lady I'd have said 'no it's ok, I'm perfectly capable of asking for myself if I need a seat, but thank you'.

YANBU if you really need a seat for whatever reason, you should ask. She may not have actually wanted a seat for whatever reason.

I'd have been mortified if a stranger on a train started making a massive fuss on my behalf.

Don't worry OP, I'm sure that when you stood up looking embarrassed everyone (who was interested) just assumed that you hadn't noticed before. I'm also sure that the loud woman was just trying to help too. A difficult position for all concerned, but it all worked out for the best for bump.

YANBU the standing woman sounds obnoxious.

I'm currently a pregnant commuter with badge and have no issue with asking people. The train (not tube) I get is so rammed that it's difficult to even get to the area where the seats are, but if you're polite, people are very helpful.

My last pregnancy I didn't bother getting a badge as the Victoria line was so civilised and people would without fail offer their seats.

If you are pregnant and don't want a seat, it's probably best to not wear a badge, otherwise you risk situations like this where people get arsey on your behalf.

Because when you do ask, you are often ignored or get a rude reply and pregnant ladies already not feeling well don't want to deal with that several times a day.

polarbear it makes me so sad when people say this, and a bit baffled because across both my pregnancies this has never happened to me and I'm in London every day

Sometimes people are really nice and jump out without having to ne asked. Other times you are ignored when politely asking or get an "I didn't get you pregnant" type reply.

Believe me, it can be really scary asking. The few times I did I got: eye rolls, groans and even "oh for Fu*&s sake" exclaimed out loud. So I didn't ask after that. I did make sure my baby on board badge was always very clear and visible and would stand facing people in seats, badge right in-front of them, bump sticking into their faces as pregnancy went along, and maybe 50% of the time got a seat. I think a seat in London is an utter luxury as the trains are packed beyond breaking point, so if you have one, doesn't hurt to look up every station, quick glance, make sure no OBVIOUSLY pregnant /disabled etc, then get on with reading again. But OP- if you couldn't see badge, not your fault at all.

polar really? I have commuted on the tube for years and have never seen anyone get ignored when asking for a seat. If someone were actually rude back to a person asking for a seat I would be shocked and I would like to think other passengers would step in and defend them although it's never happened so I wouldn't know.

In my (both pregnant and non-pregnant) experience, most commuters are quite good at offering seats as soon as they realise someone needs one. Maybe I've just been very lucky.

Yanbu.

I don't agree that the reason why people don't offer is because they are selfish. I think that people are afraid to offend someone who's carrying a few pounds rather than pregnant or someone who's older but strong enough to stand. (How old is the age for offering to an older person -55? More? )

bear yes same for me! Maybe some lines are more polite than others?!

I was turned out of a seat on a GWR train that a man claimed was reserved but there was no reservation in the seat. I had my badge on. He was sighing at me and practically pushed me out of the way to sit down. I didn't want to have an argument at 7am so sat on the floor, in the aisle, badge clearly visible.

People saw but nobody offered me a seat.

I'm still astounded that a baby on board badge is a thing.... but I'm from the uncultured much friendlier Yorkshire.
But yanbu if you want a seat just ask.

YANBU for thinking it was out of order for the mouthy woman to have shouted, but why blame it on the pregnant woman? I'm pregnant, I wear my badge, sometimes people get up and sometimes they don't. The point of the badge - as with the new 'invisible disabilities' one is so that we don't have to ask. It relies on people seeing the badge and offering and personally (at the moment, while I'm not huge), I'm happy with that. The pregnant lady might not have been bothered about sitting down, she might also not have realised you couldn't see her badge.

On the Tube I am in my own little world, reading the Metro and listening to music, working or watching something on my Ipad. I don't look up and check at each station if someone needs a seat. I'd expect people to ask if they had not been noticed.

fooshuffle count yourself lucky you don't have to endure London trains on a daily basis, you'd then see why (sadly) they are very much needed.

The baby on board badge is a TFL scheme as are the new please offer me a seat badges. They do help most of the time and then you don't have to ask others who might need that seat or be faced with being ignored or rudeness. They do stopped you being pushed and people tend to give you more space.

If there was an incident, the emergency services can also see you are pregnant easily.

On GWR at Paddington, I recommend asking the customer service assistants to help you find a seat - I have been escorted before the train platform has been announced before to a seat!

I have once sat myself in First Class as it was such a crush in standard - I asked the catering staff first and they said fine. Then the train manager came round and I was charged full price - don't ask how much that cost but at least I had a comfortable journey!

YANBU.

I always offer pregnant women (with badges) seats. Sometimes someone is pregnant though but not with a badge, some times it's obvious it's a pregnancy sometimes you're not sure so I tend to err on side of caution then.

Tube people are much friendly, SW trains have the most selfish/rude people ever, especially the Reading line running through Richmond but Wimbledon line friendlier! This is experience from 2 pregnancies in past 3 years, sadly I know.

YABU. I remember being on a train that got stuck during a heatwave obviously pregnant with twins. I asked the woman standing next to me to move up a little bit so I could sit on the floor as I could feel myself starting to faint and she refused.

Olivia exactly on a busy commuter or tube train if I've got iPod in and reading Metro I'd barely notice if an elephant got on let alone look up for badges.

I've also been in the unfortunate position of seeing a pregnant woman with a badge standing on a really packed tube train but it's too far to move down etc. normally someone offers a seat but sometimes not.