To feel heartbroken hurt

[yessir]

Hope this is in the right place,
I am hurting really bad and don't know how to deal with my feelings or the best way to handle this.
I started a long distance relationship with a lovely sweet guy I met online.
We have known each other for 1 year now.
I have pushed away a partner of 30 years because I drifted from him and fell in love with this other guy.
I got my own place moved out and my long distance man comes every weekend to see me always respected him for that because he works 6 days a week and comes after work on the train.
I live for his visits cant get him out of my head.
If I get upset when he goes he reassures me he will keep coming.
During the week he texts me video calls me always saying he misses me loves me.
He has a friend who owns a takeaway who wants his help as friend has had to go away so my man is going straight from his day job to the takeaway even though he doesn't even know if friend is going to pay him anything obviously he wants him there Saturdays when he normally comes to me.
I feel so gutted that he has considered it over me but I haven't let him know my feelings I want to spill it out to him how its making me feel the friend will possibly be away for up to 6 weeks however he has been asking him to come and work there properly.
I know I probably need to get a life but I am feeling so unhappy and hurt I have tried and tried to accept in my head and get a life but still the hurt is there.
He didnt come Saturday gone I hated it he called me asking how I am that day when he was on his way to the takeaway to see how I was and I said I was sad he seemed a little surprised when I told him iyt was because he wasn't coming.
He said he would come now and forget the takeaway and I told him no carry on and we agreed for me to come to him next day.
He text me the next day asking how I was and asked if I had booked his train ticket for this Saturday and I said no and he said I will come.
I have been feeling like I am in his way and shouldn't cause him trouble like a hanger on desperate woman so said If he needs to go to the shop I will support him and come to him he said no I wanna see you so I said okay we will chat about it after.
Never did get the chance to chat has he is so busy.
Today I said let me know what you are going to do then and he replied saying I will let you know after.
I know I am giving mixed messages but I am bottling it all up.
I am churning up inside so much wanting him with me instead of that shop. He says his happy time is with me and he wants to meet me every week so I am trying to process why he cant just say no I am to see my woman.
Please help me get a grip how should I handle this.

[starsorwater]

The NHS is expected to do awful lot these days, but it can't prescribe common sense.

[Stormtreader]

"I was gonna put in relationships but thought this topic more active"

Or you knew the posters in Relationships dont have a lot of patience with people who post "go away" to any opinions they dont like and ignore them.

[ExplodedCloud]

You'vYou've left a long term committed relationship for a flimsy part time illusion. You're obsessed with this dream to the point it has slid into very unhealthy. You're convinced he's up to something unless he's with you.
To be honest it sounds like he wants a nice relaxed casual thing and you want way way more.
You need to learn to live for you not him. I'd tell him to run away. You'll never be secure.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Listen to what he's really trying to say...which is slow the hell down or I'm out!

He doesn't want you there and he doesn't want to visit.

Personally, I'd ask him directly if he wants things to end. Prepare yourself for an answer you don't want to hear.

[Deadsouls]

'My problem is that I love him so much and cant bear being apart from him'

I'm not convinced that mutual reciprocal love means is meant to be so torturous

[MiddleClassProblem]

Obsession does not mean love I'm afraid it tends to mean infatuation

[WannaBe]

OP, he doesn't love you and he wants out.

The reality here is that a man who has seen you every weekend for the past year and suddenly goes from that to saying he won't be seeing you for six weeks and not to come up on his day off because it's his "day of rest" is trying to tell you something.

The fact is that you can live without him, you live without him for six days a week.

You need to walk away from this now. It's over.

[ALemonyPea]

I agree with Wanna. You're better off walking away from this before you get any more upset.

[msgrinch]

Wanna is right. It's over op. As hard as that is. It is over. This guy is not interested in you. He doesn't want what you want and he is making this very very clear.

We have all been there. It's time to cut contact and make life on your own. I know it hurts but its better than how you feel now. You will of course not listen to any of us and do the "pick me dance" but he wont. He probably has found some one where he is and doesnt want to upset you, especially as you are behaving in a very dependant and, sorry, weird way.

[RortyCrankle]

I'm wondering, is your BF much younger than you OP? No particular reason other than he may not be as ready to settle into the sort of relationship you obviously would like.