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Original poster

To feel heartbroken hurt

135 replies

yessir · 15/03/2017 19:15

Hope this is in the right place,
I am hurting really bad and don't know how to deal with my feelings or the best way to handle this.
I started a long distance relationship with a lovely sweet guy I met online.
We have known each other for 1 year now.
I have pushed away a partner of 30 years because I drifted from him and fell in love with this other guy.
I got my own place moved out and my long distance man comes every weekend to see me always respected him for that because he works 6 days a week and comes after work on the train.
I live for his visits cant get him out of my head.
If I get upset when he goes he reassures me he will keep coming.
During the week he texts me video calls me always saying he misses me loves me.
He has a friend who owns a takeaway who wants his help as friend has had to go away so my man is going straight from his day job to the takeaway even though he doesn't even know if friend is going to pay him anything obviously he wants him there Saturdays when he normally comes to me.
I feel so gutted that he has considered it over me but I haven't let him know my feelings I want to spill it out to him how its making me feel the friend will possibly be away for up to 6 weeks however he has been asking him to come and work there properly.
I know I probably need to get a life but I am feeling so unhappy and hurt I have tried and tried to accept in my head and get a life but still the hurt is there.
He didnt come Saturday gone I hated it he called me asking how I am that day when he was on his way to the takeaway to see how I was and I said I was sad he seemed a little surprised when I told him iyt was because he wasn't coming.
He said he would come now and forget the takeaway and I told him no carry on and we agreed for me to come to him next day.
He text me the next day asking how I was and asked if I had booked his train ticket for this Saturday and I said no and he said I will come.
I have been feeling like I am in his way and shouldn't cause him trouble like a hanger on desperate woman so said If he needs to go to the shop I will support him and come to him he said no I wanna see you so I said okay we will chat about it after.
Never did get the chance to chat has he is so busy.
Today I said let me know what you are going to do then and he replied saying I will let you know after.
I know I am giving mixed messages but I am bottling it all up.
I am churning up inside so much wanting him with me instead of that shop. He says his happy time is with me and he wants to meet me every week so I am trying to process why he cant just say no I am to see my woman.
Please help me get a grip how should I handle this.

OP posts:
RortyCrankle · 15/03/2017 22:05

Your responses tell me that you are totally disinterested in any of the suggestions or advice you've been given on here. Complete waste of time - enjoy your pity party.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 15/03/2017 22:10

What's this man's story? Is he divorced? Does he have children? Why is he working six day weeks as well as in a takeaway? No judgment on that btw - my dp has had to do 7 day weeks because his pay is bloody appalling and overtime has been the only way for him to make ends meet.

novemberontrumpwatch · 15/03/2017 22:16

Have you thought about trying to repair your 30 year relationship?

GirlnamedMax · 15/03/2017 22:21

Thanks Grinch Smile

Ugly response? Why? Because I told you to get a grip.

You do genuinely need to though.

No one on here to going to pander to you.

You are coming across as that one friend who cries hysterically over a boyfriend and then when things are good again you won't see her for shit.

How about read the responses and take on the advice you've asked for.

Nothing is less attractive than a partner who has no life outside of you.

ALemonyPea · 15/03/2017 22:29

Do you do anything apart from waiting all for his visits? You sound very attached/obsessed, it isn't healthy for either of you.

GirlnamedMax · 15/03/2017 22:30

Oh my goodness... reading through your previous posts.

You were going to buy a SIM card and flirt with him to see if he was cheating?

He also regularly uses chat sites to talk to other women.

You stalk him on his whatsapp to see when he was last online.

Confused
PatriciaHolm · 15/03/2017 22:31

Indeed - a quick advance search reveals OP has significant obsessive issues around this relationship. I don't think she's in a mental place conducive to listening to any sensible advice unfortunately.

starsorwater · 15/03/2017 22:35

I think you are probably a brief fling, already the shine is wearing off, and the more obsessive you become, the faster it will vanish. Strongly advise you to be the first to dump.

PNGirl · 15/03/2017 22:49

He'll say he loves and misses you because it's what you want to hear and it keeps you quiet. People can lie, you know. My ex was still telling me he loved me until the day I got dumped.

SchnitzelVonCrumb · 15/03/2017 22:52

Please OP listen to people and go and seek a life and help.

You can rise above this

felinewonderful · 15/03/2017 22:53

Sounds like he is seeing someone else/has another relationship to me.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 15/03/2017 22:59

You left a 30 year relationship? So you must be edging late 40's/early 50's? You're acting like a needy teenager

AgentProvocateur · 15/03/2017 23:01

If you've been in a 30 year relationship, you're presumably in your mid 40s at least, with some life experience. Surely you must realise that there's a good possibility that he's attached/not as into you as you are into him. Keep your self respect and take a step back. You're scaring me and I'm just reading your posts!

Italiangreyhound · 15/03/2017 23:18

I've got no advice but I just wanted to say, look after yourself, do what really makes you happy long term.

unfortunateevents · 15/03/2017 23:22

If you hadn't mentioned leaving a 30 year relationship, I would have said you were definitely a teenager. I can't believe that someone of your age is acting in this way! How did you "meet" this person? What was the state of your previous relationship that you decided to going looking online for a new one?

You admit yourself that you are obsessed with this man, it is not healthy. Do you have form for obsessing over things/people? Also, your life seems to consist of being with this man for one day and then spending the rest of the week worrying about him/the relationship. Surely you have something else in your life? You were with someone for 30 years - don't you have a job, friends, church, hobbies?

harrypotternerd · 16/03/2017 02:06

OP I have read your previous threads at it seems you need to get some sort of mental health help - there is no shame in that. It seems you have clung on to this relationship and are ignoring all other aspects of your life. I noticed in another thread you have a teenager - have they noticed a change in your behaviour?

SchnitzelVonCrumb · 16/03/2017 02:12

I do wonder if you are going through a mental health crisis? Was your previous relationship abusive?

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/03/2017 02:57

You ended a 30 year relationship for him and you are desperate for him to fill the void that that left. You need him to prove that leaving that marriage was worth it, and he cant. Only you can do that for yourself. If you were unhappy then leaving was worth it. If you were happy but you left because your boyfriend gave you a thrill you hadnt felt in years, then it probably wasnt worth it and you should stop trying to convince yourself, via him, that it was.

This is what happens when you have an affair I am afraid. I am not being horrible when I say that, its just a fact. You left for greener grass only to find that it is, when all is said and done, still just grass.

Whyarealltheusernamestaken · 16/03/2017 03:11

Have you tried counselling OP, it sounds like some time reflecting on your own issues will help with any future relationships. RE the current situation you sound intense and obsessed from this and previous posts, or he is taking the piss and it's just easy on hand sex when you can schedule a train ticket. Either way this isn't a healthy relationship

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/03/2017 04:09

OP you don't seem like you're in the right place for a relationship. Flowers

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/03/2017 07:26

Op, you have invested far too much of yourself...this is consuming you. If you aren't careful you'll lose yourself completely.

You've already started playing detective so you must realise something is amiss? You say he constantly tells you he loves you, do his words match his actions?

You are placing your life on hold for one day per week, a day that isn't always forthcoming.

When you break it down to actual pysical days spent together based on seeing each other one day it does add up to a great deal. How much do you actually know about him? When you did visit were you introduced to any of his friends or family?

TheNaze73 · 16/03/2017 07:32

OP, having read how needy you are & remembering your WhatsApp stalking thread, I think you need professional help. It seems like your living your whole life, waiting for a visit. This really isn't healthy.
He's doing a good thing for a friend, can't you see the bigger picture?

TheNaze73 · 16/03/2017 07:32

You're not your

ColourfulOrangex · 16/03/2017 07:42

OP just out of curiosity how old are you? I only ask because if you came out of a 30 year relationship then you must be late 40s but yet you seem rather needy for this relationship to work.

I haven't read previous threads but just from this one I think you could do with talking to someone in RL, maybe have a word with your GP Flowers

whattodowiththepoo · 16/03/2017 07:50

Your feelings in this case aren't healthy, your happiness shouldn't be this reliant on him.

You have a great opportunity to find other things that make you happy while in the long distance phase of the relationship.

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