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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by comments about small baby

109 replies

Dontfencemein · 14/03/2017 20:21

An acquaintance who has 3 children herself came up to me and DS (13 months) and said something along the lines of
"Wow. He is so tiny. He still looks like a baby. Usually when you don't see a baby for a while you think they'll have grown but your DS always looks like a baby".

AIBU to be quite irritated by this and wonder why she bloody said it?

DS has always been on the small side and lurked around the 9th centile. He's had a run of ill health in the last six weeks and has been in hospital for a few nights. Hopefully we are over it now but even without recent events, I think it's off to comment like that on a child's size.

Or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:
soundsystem · 15/03/2017 13:34

People will always find something ti say, but t doesn't stop it being annoying!

My DD1 is tall and lanky. People are always pointing it out. The expectations around we behaviour are sometimes hard to deal with, as she's the size of a 3/4 year old, people judge when she's having a typical two-year-old tantrum.

DS is 9th centime for weight, like yours. And yes, people are always pointing out that he's little. But also that he'll be tall (as he's quite long!).

Oldraver · 15/03/2017 13:43

DS was tiny as a younger child...15llbs at a year old, still the right weight for a Stage 1 car seat at 6 1/2. I got comments all the time and it is irritating. Like everytime we went out. We did occasionlly get comments that he was 'advanced', a good talker etc as everyone always assumed he was a good year or two younger than he was.

I hate when the 'you have to toughen up brigade' come along. That is just as insensitive

I have recently bought him a top that was 11-12 year (he has the same brand and 9-10 would of been too small). He was so chuffed he had actually got some clothing in his size...though it was nearly to his knees when it arrived Grin

I think people also need to remember that as children get older they can hear these comments, it's just rude. If it were an adult being commented on their size it would be seen as rude so why not children ?

Oldraver · 15/03/2017 13:45

Sound...sounds like you have had the opposite issue to DS regarding peoples expectations of behaviour

Stopandlook · 15/03/2017 13:48

YANBU at all.

I had this. A woman at gymnastics with a huge baby (I never could commented on this) was obsessed with my 25th percentile son. I tried to smile and nod until one day she exclaimed 'oh my God, has he grown AT ALL? I can't remember my tense reply but it probably wasn't polite.

GreenPeppers · 15/03/2017 13:54

You know it also work the other way around.
My own dcs are sick to death the hear 'oh look at you, how much have your grown!!'

Unfortunately it's something that we all say about babies and children. It's usually a safe thing to say or talk about to show you are showing some interest to the child/baby.

PetalMettle · 15/03/2017 14:07

I think it's the fact short is seen as a negative. You don't get a load of shit from Hv's if your DC is on the 90yh percentile

IamFriedSpam · 15/03/2017 14:13

YANBU. The normal social rule is that you say something bland but vaguely complimentary when you see someone's child "ooo he's walking/talking well", "His face looks so much more grown up", "look at those lovely eyes".

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 15/03/2017 14:17

Now I think about it I'm actually more insulted by the OP and the other pp who seem to think that babies/children being small is somehow negative and insulting to mention.

My tiny children are just perfect, thanks, and I don't like the implication that they aren't and that no-one should mention their natural stature. Hmm

ETanny · 15/03/2017 14:54

As a parent of a small child, The comments will always happen. My daughter is 5 and is in reception. She is the smallest in her year group by some distance - She comes to the shoulders of the next smallest in her year group. Heck, My 2yr old neice is almost the same height as her.

I've lost count with how often she gets commented on for being small.... However her being small does have its perks like not being questioned on her age haha. :)

IamFriedSpam · 15/03/2017 14:58

pp who seem to think that babies/children being small is somehow negative and insulting to mention.

It's not that it's negative to be naturally small it's more that it's often a source of concern for parents that their babies gain enough weight.

StupidSlimyGit · 15/03/2017 15:12

You don't get a load of shit from Hv's if your DC is on the 90yh percentile
You really do SadAngry

WyfOfBathe · 15/03/2017 15:53

I think it's just because people want to say something. With an older child you can ask about school, but with a baby there's not always much to comment on other than their size.

AndnoneforGretchenWeinersBye · 15/03/2017 15:58

OP: AIBU?
MN: YABU
OP: No I'm not!!!!

Yawn.

Biscuit
AndnoneforGretchenWeinersBye · 15/03/2017 16:37

I'm hoping it's obvious my remarks are on the wrong thread (hides) Blush

kimann · 15/03/2017 16:41

people are always saying my 6 month old son is a fatty - i actually think they don't mean it in a bad way, some people just don't know how to express themselves and it comes out as being harsh. Just smile at these people op - life is too short.

Bellaposy · 15/03/2017 16:44

My DD is 25th centile but looks littler and we get this all the time. It's just one of those things people say "oh what a big/small/happy/beautiful (insert adjective here) baby". People don't mean anything by it and it doesn't upset me at all. You need to stop being so sensitive I'm afraid Flowers

MrsRhubarb · 15/03/2017 17:33

It's one of the perils of having a smaller one I think. DD was 9th centile through the first couple of years, but I think because she is a girl I was more likely to get admiring "dainty" comments, though there were a few that obviously seemed to be trying to imply that I was starving the poor breastfed baby. I generally smiled sweetly and said how relieved I had been that I hadn't had to push out a porker.

End of the day someone has to be at the smaller end as well as the bigger end, and it makes very little difference in the grand scheme of things where on that scale they fall.

PetalMettle · 15/03/2017 18:26

Right. I think there's a lot less stigma for girls. Being a fat giant I fantasised about being petite and girly. I'm just worried my DS will get picked on. Looking further on how often do you hear on here women saying they wouldn't date short but lovely men?

MsGemJay · 15/03/2017 20:02

I'm a lil split on this;

  1. There will ALWAYS be the "competitive" mothers who say sh*t that is hurtful.
  2. No child is going to be the 'correct' size/weight/height/ have the motor skills etc and therefore it's a hard thing to do but shrugging it off is healthy.

I had BAD PND and still suffer. I always take offence to anything remotely related MH related. Lately I feel like by child's new step mother is having open and crude digs at my MH and it's v hurtful. Shrugging it off is killing me, but I have to.

Ignore your friend. Listen to the things you want to hear. No mum is perfect xx

boolifooli · 15/03/2017 20:09

I don't understand why adults, who know not to comment on another adult's size/height etc feel at total liberty to make comments about a child. It's bizarre.

Original poster
Dontfencemein · 15/03/2017 20:11

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoy I didn't mean to offend anyone or imply that there is something wrong with a smaller baby or child.

What upset me most about the comments was the implication (real or imagined on my part) that DS wasn't growing. Every parent has their sensitivities, be it their child's growth, behaviour, eating, speech...Having struggled with a sick baby who was off his food for weeks, I was over sensitive.

As PPs have pointed out, babies come in all shapes and sizes and there are many people prepared to offer their opinions and pearls of wisdom about any number of things.
I'd forgotten how much it goes with the territory.
It's good to have a bit of perspective when someone touches a nerve. Thanks PPs, especially for the Flowers.

OP posts:
CleanMess · 15/03/2017 20:43

OP, fair play for seeing that you might have been a wee bit over sensitive but please don't let that mean that you let people give you unwanted advice or comments. Please feel free to tell people to knob off if they start talking shite to you. Perhaps you might want to say it a bit more politely though. Smile

haveacupoftea · 15/03/2017 22:19

Unfortunately for anyone who comments on my childs look, they'll be informed that such comments are rude and unwelcome. I will listen to a lot of shit, but not a child's looks being assessed in front of them.

ImFuckingSpartacus · 15/03/2017 22:23

Really? You have conversations like this...." aw, your baby is gorgeous, look at those big blue eyes!"..."Your comments are rude and unwelcome, do not assess my childs looks in front of him!"

Hmm
Horispondle · 15/03/2017 22:33

Haven't RTFT but OP I can sympathise. I got a call from the school nurse the other day to tell me how small my child is Hmm. Like I hadn't noticed her size in the last 6 years. And what exactly did she want me to do about it?
However I do like when people are shocked that my 2yo can speak since he looks about 9m old!