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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated by comments about small baby

109 replies

Dontfencemein · 14/03/2017 20:21

An acquaintance who has 3 children herself came up to me and DS (13 months) and said something along the lines of
"Wow. He is so tiny. He still looks like a baby. Usually when you don't see a baby for a while you think they'll have grown but your DS always looks like a baby".

AIBU to be quite irritated by this and wonder why she bloody said it?

DS has always been on the small side and lurked around the 9th centile. He's had a run of ill health in the last six weeks and has been in hospital for a few nights. Hopefully we are over it now but even without recent events, I think it's off to comment like that on a child's size.

Or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

Whitelisbon · 15/03/2017 09:59

My dd is dead on the 50th centile for height and weight, and within less than an hour last week, one person told me she was tiny, and I obviously wasn't feeding her enough, and another told me she was "really quite big for 12 months, are you sure she's not obese?"
Just ignore it.

giveovermypreciousss · 15/03/2017 10:02

I have the opposite problem, my 13 month old is huge! 90th centile for height! We have had people asking why he isnt walking yet, talking, expecting him to be as aware of himself as a two year old because he is so tall. Its frustrating but other than telling the person to get a grip theres sadly not much you can do.

StarUtopia · 15/03/2017 10:02

I also think you need to toughen up. I'm constantly being told WOW your child is huge! (as in tall!) Yes, I know, I have eyes! What would you like me to do, shrink him?!

It's not different with a bigger child - if anything, it's worse. They expect him to behave and be a 4 yr old because that's the size he is (so give me lots of looks when he babbles like a 2 yr old.

He is 2 and has size 9.5 feet. My friend's child, who is 2 weeks younger, has size 5 feet.

All kids are different! Just smile and say thank you!

giveovermypreciousss · 15/03/2017 10:04

StarUtopua exactly! They do expect them to behave like the age that they look! Its infuriating.

kel1493 · 15/03/2017 10:06

It is annoying. I was small when pregnant (measured 30 weeks when I was 37).
My lo was born 6lb 7oz, bang on the 9th centile. He dropped to the 2nd and didn't go back to the 9th until he was a fair bit older. He ate well and was perfectly fine. Just smaller than other babies of the same age.
I know some people will say you're being over sensitive, but it is really annoying. A woman saw my lo in his carrycot and asked how old he was. I said 5 weeks. She replied "he's so tiny, was he premature?" I answered "no he wasn't he was actually 6 days late. And I find your comments very rude and it's not really any of your business is it?".
Luckily it was our stop next so we got off the train.

BonnieWeeJeannieMcCall · 15/03/2017 10:23

I agree with PetalMettle - once he starts talking, people will think he's a genius. DD was chatting away whilst still in 9-12 month clothes. People kept stopping us in the supermarket to marvel at her!

1AnnoyingOrange · 15/03/2017 10:34

You are being a bit sensitive, possibly as you have been worried about your DS.
You would think she would know better having 3 DC herself but sometimes people just say what they think.

Does your DS have little hair? Did she see him when he was in carseat? Wearing babygrow? These all to me make babies look more like babies. I was bald until I was nearly 2 and so look more babyish in photos than I was!

Gunpowder · 15/03/2017 10:44

Maybe she's feeling nostalgic for a little (as in a young) baby now her baby is becoming a toddler. I'm sure she didn't mean anything. I've had two different people tell me DD2 is tiny and really big in one day (she's completely average!)

DD1 has always been 9th centile and little too, now she's 4 it barely gets commented on.

I think if it bothers you lots you should tell the friend it feels like a bit pejorative. I sure she would be mortified and will be more sensitive in future.

Gunpowder · 15/03/2017 10:45

Sorry, don't know why there is a 'like' in my penultimate sentence.

Trifleorbust · 15/03/2017 10:49

What an innocuous comment to get worked up about!

RhodaBorrocks · 15/03/2017 10:58

DS was born tiny but a healthy weight because of high muscle mass. My side of the family are all small and muscular. At 10 he's still the smallest boy in his class which he is sensitive about, but I point out his DGF (my DF) is only 5'5" and it's never held him back.

People used to think I had a child prodigy on my hands as he was still wearing 6-9m (and some 3-6m) clothes when he started walking and talking. He was actually 12m at the time. It was fun when he was old enough to sit up in a pushchair but was still the size of a newborn - people would totally freak out and it was amusing to watch their confusion. He still consistently wears clothes 1-2 years younger than his actual age.

But he also gets special treatment as when he's not asked his age people often mistake him for a very self aware 7-8 year old!

I was more about the people that couldn't believe he was a boy because he had curly hair and the one woman that remarked his voice was 'too deep' for a toddler and how it 'should be all sweet and high'. Fuck off, love.

People say daft things when they want to comment about babies. Just roll your eyes and move on. One person I know says the most ridiculous shit about her own grandchild's looks and development and yet the baby is the most adorable and bright little one ever (besides my own, obvs!).

ComeOnSpring · 15/03/2017 12:19

YABU

She is insensitive but about 20% of people are... so I wouldn't take it so personally if I were you.

Allthebestnamesareused · 15/03/2017 12:23

Mine was a small boy with no hair but walking at 10 months old and people used to double take when he ran around because I guess they assumed he was about 6 months old (imagine dancing baby from ally McBeal).

My best friend's baby was 2 weeks older and was huge. She would get even ruder comments about her son!

Some people have no filter and "Catchphrase" style say what they see without thinking.

I hope your baby's health is improving and try not to worry about other people.

ClemDanfango · 15/03/2017 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinbasket · 15/03/2017 12:27

Maybe say you got one of those designer small teacup babies as you only have a small house.

Love this! haha...

Astoria7974 · 15/03/2017 12:41

Dsd was a tiny baby and toddler & people kept making jokes that I wasn't feeding her enough because I was the evil stepmother. Others would comment that maybe I should give some of my food to her (I was overweight at the time). It's all just jealousy. You'll have the last laugh when the 'obesity' letters get sent out at school

MyBreadIsEggy · 15/03/2017 12:48

It really gets my back up to.
My DS is close to dropping off the 2nd centile. When I was pregnant there were suspicions he had IGUR - but was actually a decent weight born at 36 weeks.
He has severe allergies which set us up for a host of feeding difficulties, and the dietician is constantly on at me about his weight. He's never lost weight, he's just a slow gainer. He's 4mo now and 0-3 month clothes are starting to fit nicely. A woman in the supermarket asked me how old he was a few weeks ago, and then when I told her, she said "Oh gosh, he must have been premature then!" I felt like punching her in the throat. I JUST HAVE A SMALL BABY!! There's nothing wrong with him. I don't know what the dietician expects me to do. I can't force feed him!! She suggested I keep offering the bottle back until he finishes it I told her that my baby is not a foie gras goose

RedToothBrush · 15/03/2017 12:50

DS is teeny.

He's easier to carry when having a tantrum as a toddler.

Trust me, being small at this point is a good thing. Plenty of time to grow later.

I just say, that DS will eat when he wants and I'd love to know how you force feed a child of that age.

TheOnlyLivingDeadBoyInNewYork · 15/03/2017 12:53

You're being oversensitive. My children have all been small, and dd is absolutely tiny. People remark on it because its pass-remarkable, so why wouldn't they? She's tiny and adorable and people notice and love her, I'm delighted when they say so!

Mummykempy · 15/03/2017 13:00

I feel your pain. Having three smaller than average babies I should have toughened up by now but the comments have always upset me. I think that for some strange reason big babies are seen as healthier!? Strange really when there is an obesity epidemic in children and adults.
Anyway I'm still to find a good comeback. Now I say things like 'well yes that's from me I'm afraid' (being 5ft1 and a small-framed), or I just change the subject or walk away.
Anyway HV and Drs have both said they look fine to them and funnily enough it's down to genetics...not much we can do about that but wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same!?
Stay strong and embrace small babies- at least we get more use out of clothes x

greylove · 15/03/2017 13:08

Sensitive yes but aren't we all when it comes to the most important people in our lives

It's normal to feel this way
I get miffed when people say how huge my daughter is she was 0.4th percentile at birth 4lb and now she is 8months 20lb and she so long but take a deep breath and knowing you do your upmost for your child and carry on because it doesn't matter what others say

HappyAxolotl · 15/03/2017 13:10

Babies do come in a pretty big range of different sizes and grow at different rates. I'm always surprised when I ask how old someone's baby is because I've never seen two of the same age look the same age.

Besides, if your baby has been ill and now recovering they may well have a sudden growth spurt and surprise everyone.

PonderLand · 15/03/2017 13:10

I get the same comments, my DS was born 6lb 4oz at 42 weeks 9th centile. I've always worried about his weight and growth since pregnancy so even the slightest comment I take the wrong way (I never say anything, just in my head!) he's on the 2nd centile now but that's due to a period of sickness. I try and just concentrate on the things I can talk about without coming across neurotic. For example my nct group are obsessed with asking what size clothes their in, what size nappies etc. I usually move the conversation on to other things. Everything feels like a competition but I think I get that impression because I am concerned about certain things.

SolomanDaisy · 15/03/2017 13:16

My DS was 98th centile and I got comments on how big he was all the time. My DD is tiny, she's only just made it onto the centile charts for her adjusted age, and weirdly no one has ever commented! She has quite a chubby face and I think people only notice that.

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/03/2017 13:34

I constantly get "oh, hasn't she got really long legs. She must take after her father as you don't?"

What do you actually reply to that? Oh, cheers, for pointing out my leg length as I'd always wondered why I wasn't taller? It all makes perfect sense now you've pointed it out...

I did have someone make a comment as to why two of my older children have autism. Apparently, it was because their fathers sperm was really old? I think my perplexed expression said it all!

I'd pay no mind to it, OP. I'm sure they'll keep on spreading their verbal joys to the next unfortunate person who comes their way.

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