AIBU - to think if he'll leave if i don't have an abortion, he doesn't love me anyway?

[Womblikeasponge]

Sorry if this is in the wrong place. Just need opinions to help with my descision.

I have 3 young (3 under 4) children from a previous relationship. Ive been seeing someone new for about 14 months, we have a bit of a tumultuous relationship-I'm very Melodramatic and 'difficult'. He's very stubborn. Fights escalate quickly to 'I never want to see you again', and then I always beg and grovel and apologise till he comes back. We broke up in December for a fortnight and I believed it was really over, and it hurt so much. So there's no doubt in my mind I love him.

Things get complicated though in that I am now pregnant with his child. I had a copper coil - it's location is worryingly currently unknown (waiting on a scan). We'd previously talked about if we had an accidental pregnancy we'd abort it, but I feel less certain of that now it's growing inside me. He's said I'm betraying him to not get an abortion like I said.

He said if I don't get the abortion, he'll leave.

Now I feel like if I do get the abortion and he leaves anyway, I'll feel so stupid and guilty for ending the pregnancy to have a chance with him that I was clearly kidding myself about. He claims we can have a future together my three kids and him if I get an abortion, and maybe try again for a kid of our own in a few years. I sort of think that if he wants a family anyway, why not let me keep it? Or at least think about it?

My problem is though. I do love him. But am I letting myself be sucked in? Keeping the baby without him will obviously be a challenge, but ending the pregnancy just because I've been told too seems weak and like giving in.

I wish he'd said 'ill support you either way' and then I could have made a descision about abortion based purely on the abortion itself, and not have to deal with the fact I'm choosing a relationship that may not last over an unborn child. The ultimatum seems so controlling to me.

Sorry for waffle

[Womblikeasponge]

Thanks. I've decided the thing I'm going to throw myself into, to fill the free time in the evenings without him, is having a really tidy house. I feel better already!

[ambereeree]

FWIW you sound like a great mum. Well done

[Batgirlspants]

good luck op

[Batgirlspants]

good luck op

[rightwhine]

Best decision IMO. Thanks for updating.
Good luck for the future.

[MuncheysMummy]

Do not have this baby you have a bad relationship anyway and already have 3 young kids,you do not need 4 under 5 to deal with as a single parent! Which you are now and always will be if you try to stay with this guy

[maras2]

Hope your IUD was found.

[Batgirlspants]

muncheys and anyone else read the thread before you post and upset the op by mistake

[NorahC]

He sounds emotionally manipulative: he has no right to threaten you with the removal of his supposed affection if you don't do as he wishes. It's your body, your choice. It it was me I'd have an abortion asap, though. You can deal with a bit if guilt. Do you really want to be connected to this man? You already have three (3!) kids, focus on them and wait for a better man to have more if you really want to. What he's saying is unacceptable. DTMFA.

[BlackberryandNettle]

Just read your update, well done, brave decision and I think the right one to have had the abortion and gotten this man out of your life for good

[Justanothernameonthepage]

Glad to hear you're OK. Hoping that you meet someone who is worth introducing to your kids and who makes you happy