to ask DH to do some housework when he has been at work all day?

[MrsSportacus]

My DH works long hours. He is out of the house by seven and home about half six. On Wednesdays he plays badminton after work. On Saturdays he goes to watch his football team, Sundays he sometimes plays golf and he plays online poker for a few hours every night. He doesn't really do any housework at all. I'm a stay at home mum and don't really see anyone during the day. If he's away I can go days without speaking to another adult. If I complain he says it's my fault and I shouldn't rely on him. He's tired after work and needs to unwind. He says I need to make friends and do things without him. However I can't drive and we live a long way from my friends and family. Am I being pathetic? I think I'm a bit PND as my youngest is eight months and I've been miserable since he was born. I feel such a nothing...I need to get a grip! Sorry for being so wet.

So what do you all think of this:

Yesterday DH (between the hours of 6.30am and 5pm)

1)Got both kids up, fed, dressed
2)Made the packed lunches and got bags ready
3)Fixed a bench which we wanted to use in the lounge
4)Tidied the house (dishes washed, toys packed away, beds made)
5)Picked up DS2, fed him and put him to sleep
6)Mowed the lawn
7)Fixed the automatic gates that open onto our garden
8)picked up DS1, fed him, did his homework with him (all the while DS2 wants attention)
9)Tidied the house again
10)Rearranged the lounge furniture and moved the sofa to another room
11)Somewhere during the day, he put two loads of washing in and got them dry
12)He cooked the tea (fresh prawn and bacon pasta in a tomato sauce)

Meanwhile I:

1. Got up at 5am
2. Drove to work - was here for 6am.
3. Left work at 9am drove home (30 minute drive)
4. Picked up the baked goods me and DS baked yesterday and took them to school
5. Helped out with the school bake sale till 11am
6. Drove back to work (30 minutes)
7. Had some lunch
8. Didn't do much
9. Drove home in heavy traffic (left at 4pm and got home at 5pm) (all in all 2.5 hrs in the car during the day)

I know who got the sweeter end of the deal (in my defence, I am 30 weeks pregnant).

I do try to ensure that the house is tidy before I go to bed so that DH isn't lumbered with it next day. The kids always leave some tidying though (breakfast dishes, beds, washing) before school.

I think my point is, is that going out to work is often less demanding than staying at home, but as long as you try to balance it by helping each other out then things can work well with one working and one SAH parent. As mentioned previously the OP's partner clearly has no respect for the SAH parent and how much hard work it can be.

Custy I always say "for ME, how kind" and raise an eyebrow at him!

Apparently the way to get men to do things for you is to make sure you praise them regularly for doing it...pretty much like dog training really!

Oi Grumpygirl.

Read below and weep. No training required .

Seriously though, you are generalising a bit. My DH would be horribly offended if he read your post.

I wouldn't stay one day in a relationship where the other half said domestic things were "for me". Why do people marry these men and stay with them?

The sunnyj description reminded me of why I prefer to work.

What about the Dejags' DH description Xenia. Quite a liberal sprinkling of blokey outdoor type jobs bundled with domestic bliss .

Somebody's got to do it?

DeJags - my DH is relatively good around the house, I wouldnt have married a useless man who expected me to do it all. Well he could "expect" all he liked he would be sorely disappointed in me!

I read the "training" technique in a magazine!!

The dejags one was a very good list. I think most couples end up with a reasonable division of things. If they love each other they don't want the other person to be unhappy particularly so you end up with a compromise that works over time. But some don't and you have years of pointless and awful nagging. I am now of course the family expert on things like blocked drains and loos, car problems, central heating issues as I'm divorced.

xenia,
thats why i prefer to go out to work too! I have an average of one day at home with DS and I do find it far more tiring even than a full day of teaching horrible classes!
getting back to the OP, the issue i think ins't about housework as such but the amount of time he spends doing 'his' stuff - which leaves you doing the childcare.

Help needed please, I feel that my husband and I will soon divorce because he loves our son too much and anything that happens to him is my fault.
I have been married for 7 years(married at 19) and my dh is the only man I have really been in relationship with.
Everything was fine until we had our first son a year and a half ago...He loves him soo much that when my son falls or vomit he tells me it is my fault as I overfed him. My son is very thin (but healthy!) and I am trying my best to cook for him and do anything I can so that he eats (even folows him while he plays so that he gets some food, sometimes takes more than an hour). He has been having a lot a vomiting problems but Dr said everything is fine. A few times I must admit, I overfed him. But tonight, I have not overfed him and he choked on a piece of corn and my husband accused me again of overfeeding him and sounded really pissed with me. I reacted back and shouted that he should stop blamimg me for whatever happens to our ds as I am trying my best. My Dh and I are no longer on the same wavelength and it even comes to the point where I will not tell him when my ds has fallen/vomited or anything else as I am scared to get the blame...dh said he cannot say anything to me anymore as I overreact but i am tired to always get criticised when i try my best(even the way I breastfed was wrong!!!!)
Has anyone experienced big problems in their relationship after their first child???