To base a half a million house purchase on what my 7 year old wants?

[Batwomanrisesagain]

We live in a new build property which is lovely, loads of other kids around, lots of green space. However all very 'on top of each other' and can feel a bit like being back at school with petty neighbour disputes that belong in the playground. I crave solitude as a result of said disputes but equally am very outgoing and sociable and on the whole enjoy the community feel.
I'm also keen on moving up the property ladder should the right house arrive. And it has, beautiful big old cottage with lots of land. No neighbours, beautiful house.
My child is distraught that their friends won't be around, it really is lovely how everyone plays out together. I'm seriously considering pulling out of the purchase as I think my child may have a point about being isolated.
Has anyone been in a similar position or live without neighbours? Or am I being ridiculous letting a young child decide our future?

I lived on a farm and it was 6 miles cycle to see any of my friends as a teen. I loved it as a child I had experience of living amongst friends and neighbours up until I was 8 and my gran passed then we moved too the country. It was the best thing my parents did for us. They weren't supportive of groups and hobbies so it could be lonely in that respect but if you support what social time you can for your daughter she really could have the best of both worlds. Also get her some chickens to keep when you move great country pets for children if your not too precious about your garden.

I wouldnt move. What you have sounds as close to perfect for a family as you are likely to get. My dcs are teens now and it's wonderful for them to have a local friends and things to do a walk away (we live in a small city). Your dc will be a teenager in six years and will not want to be ferried around by dm. A lot of dcs' friends stay overnight with us (in our small house) because they live in rural areas, too far away to get home after socialising, a long journey away from school in the mornings. Every journey they take has to be pre- planned whereas their city friends can just walk out of their houses and make their own way together. If you still crave solitude when your dc is older you will be able to downsize to somewhere smaller in the country.

I grew up in the countryside and loved it! I live in the town now but can't wait to move back to the country! I saw my friends everyday at school and we had animals and a pony at home to keep me amused! We played outside all day and I was never bored. As a teenager it was a bit of a pain as my parents had to act as taxi (which meant they always knew where I was!) until I got my licence. My daughter is 4 and I am hoping to move before she starts school next year.

It must be hard.

My parents looked in to moving house when I was about 9/10 around the time my sister was born/due.

I did not want to move away from our estate. We looked at some houses, one I said was too far away from my friends and the other smelt of old people (and didn't help someone had hung themselves in it which freaked me out!).

They didn't move but had an extension built instead. More space and not half the hassle of moving.
I think it turned out a good move. They have no mortgage now (dad just turned 60 and it's been paid off a good few years) and the estate is affordable for me, hubby and the kids to move on to which means they can be close to grandma & grandad and close to some good schools.

Thanks so much for all the replies , they really have made me think. There wouldn't be a change of schools but the new place is 2 miles to the nearest shop and only about 4 houses nearby, no bus route etc. We are going to view this week and get a feel of the place but I'm swaying away from going for it now.

Batwoman I think it depends on where you grew up and if you're used to country living it's not for everyone, I grew up rurally, no neighbours but plenty of play dates and never felt deprived and always had to drive to the shops. I lived in London for 10 years but when I fell pregnant couldn't wait to leave now I'm back in the countryside. Lots of people fall in love with the dream but you'll notice its very dark at night, farmers work at night too when necessary so may not be as quiet as you think and there's more bugs, animals etc here. That said the pro's definitely outweigh the cons because I'm used to it. I've had several 'neighbours' loosely termed who've come from towns / cities and sold up as it wasn't for them in the end.

stanleysmum01: "I think it depends on where you grew up and if you're used to country living"

Not necessarily. I think it's purely down to whether it suits your personality. I could happily have stayed put in our rural home forever, even though I grew up in an urban environment, but my two sons (who grew up totally rurally, until they hit their teens, but are naturally far more sociable than I am) were the ones really pushing to move. It took them 2 years to talk me round to putting the property on the market, but now I'm glad we moved.

I think it really depends on how 'isolated' the new house is. (Sorry I haven't read every post). Is it really on its own? Because as they get older they can walk or bike to a bus stop.
We live in a very rural area - no direct bus to our nicest nearest town, but only a 15 minute walk to the bus stop for our big shopping town.
My kids are 7, 9 and 11 and love to go into the fields with the dog.
My 11 year old can walk into the village (20 min walk) where there are school friends. I would have said we were isolated but actually the kids make an effort to see each other and often the village friends love the trek down the road to us because they can run wild in the woods.
It's great to be away from everyone else and give the kids some'downtime'. All that noise from neighbours would drive me mad!

Meant to say - once they get a bit older they really don't want to 'play out' in the same way. I'm happy that, as my kids get older, they can't just 'go out' and end up hanging around on the street corner getting up to god knows what!!

You are not being at all unreasonable - but you are being selfish and materialistic. Selfish because your own needs and wishes are more important to you than your child's, and crucially, she is powerless to enact hers - something of which you are taking advantage. And you are moving up the housing ladder for whose benefit? - your daughter's, presumably. I think in due course she may well be glad to inherit the money from you, but perhaps she would prefer not to have memories of a lonely and miserable childhood.

It can be an issue. I lived in a village between 11 and 21 and had to cycle to the nearest town 5 miles away to go to the cinema etc - although my siblings and I did have friends in local villages. I lived in towns in my 20s and 30s and then moved to a rural (but non-village) 'lane' when I married and only realised after I had children that it might be a problem for them. There are a few other kids in the lane but my DD is always sad that she can't go to her school friends after school without planning elaborate playdates and being driven there and back. She's 8. We are 3 miles from the village where she goes to school, and maybe 2 miles from the local town where she'll go to secondary school. I do spend loads of time driving her about whereas her friends' parents can share the walk to brownies or drama club etc. When older she and her brother can maybe cycle to see friends but it will never be easy for them or us, and may be worse when they are teenagers. I wouldn't move now, but with hindsight I would have bought in a village (near a town) at least.....

Should have said - the upside is we have a lovely big garden, fields and woods to play in, and not overlooked by neighbours closer than several hundred yards away on either side. There are a boy and girl next door of similar ages so DTs do often have instant friends to play with. Many of their school friends are envious of their garden, zip wire and pony etc so it is definitely swings and roundabouts. I only painted the negative picture in my previous post. Up to PP to balance all the pros and cons, at the end of the day - but from a purely personal perspective I would ideally live in a quiet, rural, not overlooked house, but in a biggish village with a school and social life, and not too far from a proper town. But hey - 99.9% of us have to compromise somewhere along the line, and the red lines will vary from family to family. You're right to consider all views OP - and I'm sure you'll make the decision that's right for you and your family. Enjoy your new home, wherever that is.....

I would move to the country and get lots of animals. Kids adjust and the chance of a pet may help. We have 5 cats, 2 dogs and a hamster and I want to move to the country so we can have more. We have a huge garden and fields behind us but I would like no neighbours ;)

I grew up in a rural area and although it was ok when I was little, I hated it when I was older. I left home at 16 and moved to the city. I now raise my children in a town where they have lots of friends nearby ( as do we) It's brilliant for them. When they have left home, we may move to the country but not yet. 🙂

I would move to the country and get lots of animals.

That ploy can backfire too. DH & I are the only ones who ever had any interest in our hobby farm animals, once the initial novelty of a new arrival wore off.

We did this nearly a year ago - moved away from friends and neighbours to a bigger house in what seemed a good family neighbourhood (we weren't looking for solitude, just needed more space). There just aren't many families here though and while I still love my new house, I really wish I'd waited and found something larger in the old neighbourhood. I'm actually thinking we should move back as soon as we can. Being out in the middle of nowhere will have so many disadvantages, I think. It's amazing to me how quickly the thrill of a pet or animal wears off with kids, and you will constantly be driving. Having friends around to play with is huge and will be important for a long time.

We live in a village but as DC attend a private international school (we see overseas) their friends are scattered over a very large area.
I have clocked up many miles on my car but as teens it has actually been easier.

We live in a country known for it's green credentials. Free public transport for all kids up to 23 as long as they are studying. There is a bus from 6.00 am to 11pm every 30 mins. Plus there are special free buses on Friday and Sat nights which leave the city at 1am and 3 am!

My DS is very independent due to the great public transport links.
If you are going to love to a rural location And if there are excellent public transport links it can work really well.

I was going to say, invite his friends around, he'll really appreciate being able to play in a big garden with mature trees able to be noisy because of not worrying about the neighbours... But if you have woodland opposite already, then maybe not!

Keep saving, do it when he's older. From about ten he will disappear into his bedroom and won't care if his room is in London, tunbridge wells or Timbuktu!

We live in the country and where you live now sounds like my worst nightmare! I would definitely move if I were you.
We are not isolated but the kids can't walk to see friends (nearest neighbours are oldies). IMO the kids will have so many benefits here - having a big garden, surrounded by woods and countryside. We have play dates and go on walks in the woods with friends so they don't miss out on anything. There is also a good local bus service for when they're older and we're 3 minutes walk from the bus stop.
I would hate to live on a surburban estate where you're all on top of each other.

We did the opposite Batwoman. Kids grew up in small hamlet with local primary school & neighbour's kids to play with in forest and countryside, and we moved to town when they were all in high school. Nice to have the woods when they were little but teenagers have different needs. The High School was two bus rides away and if they wanted to go anywhere then they had to navigate the woods to the nearest lonely bus stop (I work full-time). They walk to school now and there's loads of clubs and a cinema on our doorstep. This is probably not our forever home, I do hanker after a seaside retirement once the university years are over.

My parents moved us from London to a small quiet village because they liked the idea of peace and quiet. There was nothing to do and we were lonely. We hated it. my advice is don't do it! Or pick somewhere else rural but in a village with good social activities. There's lots of time for having a quiet life when your children are older!

We've always considered:

Work commute, school catchments, amenities - shops cash machines GP pharmacists cubs and available transport. Then looked at houses that meant our criteria - always seemed sensible to us.

I grew up in a rural village - there was actually very little access to the surrounding countryside - we've had much better at outskirts of a rural town and now at the edge of a city.

There was bus once an hour - it ran 9.30 till 5.30 - so not good for going out an didn't one didn't turn up you've got a two hour wait. Last place bus - rural town busses were frequent but the price just kept going up and up - and we often found it was just as expensive for some distances with multiple people as a taxi.

How close is nearest shop - there was two in village I grew up there isn't one now. How close to nearest cash machine - even with cards, cheques on on-line payments there still times we need cash. There wasn't one in my village - and bank balances in nearest town are shutting like mad as they are in my IL rural town.

If they need to get bus to school - how easy to stop late or get in early. I got free one for secondary meant I couldn't stop late at school for clubs or revision lessons as couldn't get picked up.

Jobs were harder to find - I did get some summer ones but need lift back which parents hated giving.

Plus are the roads gritted in winter - or nearby gritted to you.

Could be a good move for you - but I'd go in with your eyes open and thinking very practically.

I wouldn't move based solely on the views of our 7yo, but I would want to think how things would be in 5/10 years time.

I grew up on the edge of a large town but there was no bus after 7pm. A few school friends lived nearby and I did play out, I also spent a lot of time on the farm with my grandparents, however as I got older, I worked in the town, wanted to meet up at the cinema etc and I missed out on things if my parents could drop me off or pick me up.

Now we have children, we moved to live in the suburbs of a city. DH and I would love to live in the country, but for our children, I want them to be able to get around on the bus or by taxi without it costing a fortune and for lifts to be 15mins not 30 or 40. We also have a good train network to get to other major cities. I think DD would love a bigger garden, which we'd likely get in the country near us, but I want her to be near places she can go when she's a teenager; the skate park, ice rink, cinema, flume park, shops etc

I also think a disposable income can be way more valuable than a bigger/better house. Having the ability to go on holiday, pay for school trips (especially expensive secondary school ones), have days out, treat your children. Although obviously not the be all and end all, it is certainly nice to be able to do those things if you want to.

My parents moved us from a new build cul-de-sac full of our friends to dream house in a village about 3 miles away when I was 12. I hated it, I was absolutely miserable and became really isolated.

Sure, I could cycle to the old friends and they could visit me - but if the choice is between seeing 1 person half an hour away, or 10 people within 5 minutes, I saw why I wasn't a priority.

A tough call OP.

My 7 year old cried last year when we left the house for our holiday! He nervously asked me for months afterwards: "are you going to move from my bedroom, Mummy?" He was so unsettled! Maybe it's a sensitive 7 year old stage or maybe it's just his personality, but it made me thankful we weren't actually moving house anytime soon.

People report living rurally is much higher cost-wise. Local shops cost more, travel costs increase too, all of which could potentially overwhelm a person who is trembling at the idea of such a huge mortgage into their 60's.

If you're running away from people problems you'll find them elsewhere in life, we can't escape from trouble makers that easily. It's tempting though, I know. I often dream of it. But you could find everyone settles and it's fine, or that it's the worst thing for all of you. That's the tricky part of making these huge decisions. Like I said, a tough call, OP.