To base a half a million house purchase on what my 7 year old wants?

[Batwomanrisesagain]

We live in a new build property which is lovely, loads of other kids around, lots of green space. However all very 'on top of each other' and can feel a bit like being back at school with petty neighbour disputes that belong in the playground. I crave solitude as a result of said disputes but equally am very outgoing and sociable and on the whole enjoy the community feel.
I'm also keen on moving up the property ladder should the right house arrive. And it has, beautiful big old cottage with lots of land. No neighbours, beautiful house.
My child is distraught that their friends won't be around, it really is lovely how everyone plays out together. I'm seriously considering pulling out of the purchase as I think my child may have a point about being isolated.
Has anyone been in a similar position or live without neighbours? Or am I being ridiculous letting a young child decide our future?

[ImperialBlether]

But, fulloffunreally, that's why I'd say live where they're happy while they're with you, then find your own place afterwards.

It's really lovely to grow up with a group of people your own age. And when you think about it, when your son is at high school, you'll know his friends and his friends' families. It'll make life so much easier.

[StillMedusa]

I wouldn't. Even if you can manage with umpteen playdates now, as your DS gets older, prearranged stuff tends to diminish and friends call for local friends... playing out is good for health and social relationships. Being isolated is tricky and the temptation to live on the Playstation probably more likely.

THEN they become teens and boy is 'can you pick me up at 11pm but don't knock on the door, stay in the car' tedious !!! We live in a small town but with lots of outlying villages and the number of times we had teens on our sofa because they had missed the bus home... and while it is a very nice area, the country roads are still not somewhere I would ever want mine walking or biking in the dark.

We deliberately chose to stay central to where my kids could walk to school, walk to their friends (mostly) and haven't regretted it!

[Shenanagins]

I personally wouldn't. I grew up in a rural location and it was when I was in my teens that I became really aware of what I was missing. I would go to school and hear stories of my friends hanging out at each other's houses listening to music and talking about boys, I felt so out of it all.

[BikeRunSki]

I totally share you dream house fantasy, and have rented similar in the past BUT, my dc are now 5&8 and we live in a village centre village village de sac. Several children from their school live within a minute's walk. It's lovely that friends come and knock for them, they all play in our garden (corner plot, biggest garden) or can nip round each other's houses. They have a wee bit of independence and socialising is easy. There's also always someone to walk them to school to keep and eye on them for 10 mins...

I will have splendid isolation even I retire, but right now neighbour's and community is what works well for/with the dc. and the bus to high school goes from the top of our street for when we need it.

[PrettyGoodLife]

We just did exactly what you are considering, and the children love it! Space and countryside are heaven, DD has loads of play dates and made more and better friends than when we lived in the burbs. Every family is different but trading up to the countryside is the best thing we ever did!

[AcaciaYou]

We nearly bought a rural place with no neighbours. I'm so glad we ended up in the middle of a village instead - it's so lovely to see the kids disappearing through the fence to play with the neighbours' kids, and school is a five minute walk. I can pop round to a friend's house for a bottle of wine on an evening, or nip to the pub, and it's a short stagger home. I'm SO glad we didn't move to the beautiful country pile even if it did have a lake. It would have been a much more lonely existence - for all of us.

[RandomMess]

I am a taxi service for 3 DC in their pre-teens/early teens. It's hellish and we don't even live that rurally. If it's a forever home it needs to tick the boxed for ALL the family for the next 10-15 years IMHO.

[RainyDayBear]

One of my best friends from secondary school lived in a gorgeous old house out in the middle of nowhere. I used to love having sleepovers at hers and we'd go trampling through the woods and all sorts. That said, it was absolutely nowhere near a bus route (which made it awkward for her to get to school / into town at a weekend) or a corner shop if you ran out of milk or anything like that. More concerningly looking back as an adult, there was no pub for miles

I don't think I'd base a potential purchase on your DS not having people to play out with, but I do think the hefty mortgage and less disposable income would concern me more despite it being a beautiful potential forever house. DP and I could probably afford to upgrade our house to something nicer, but it would be at a serious impact to our lifestyle and how comfortable we are. Only you know how adversely your finances would be affected!

[beatricequimby]

I wouldn't move. At seven he is old enough to remember all the fun he had playing out.

We chose a house where our kids could go out to play and it is lovely. Oldest is now thirteen and he still goes out to play football with the friends he has grown up with.

Looking back on my childhood, the freedom to go out to play was one of the best bits. Having friends for arranged playdates is not the same at all.

[ElspethFlashman]

God I wouldn't. I grew up utterly isolated - Sumner holidays were grim. Just me and the dog. Watched waaaaay too much TV. I was downright lonely.

Wait till your child is 18 and then buy the quaintest little cottage in the world.

[AllllGooone]

It sounds like you're in a lovely place op. I'm very rural and foresee having to move as the dc get older and want to be out with mates

[Frouby]

We lived in a very isolated location when we were a similar age to your dd. Even having 2 younger sisters didn't make it much better. I spent hours training our family dog, inventing my own games and waiting for cousins to come down for visits.

If we ever won the lottery I don't know if I would do the big house in the country thing. We have ponies so having them at home is my dream. But any property would have to be walking distance to other houses with families because of the dcs.

As it happens there is one locally that ticks all those boxes. Just need the 6 numbers now though.

[jmh740]

I think it depends how isolated you would be when I was 13 we moved from a new build where I had lots of friends and was always playing out to a farmhouse a mile from the main road/ nearest shop/bus stop I hated it my friends didn't visit we moved in Dec was a country road with no Street lights so noone wanted to walk to our house. I had to rely on dad to take me anywhere he was the only one who drove but he worked a lot and he liked to have a drink at the weekend. 30 years later my parents still live in the same house I left at 18 because I felt so isolated, it still effects me now, from 13-18 I hardly left the house and felt very lonely I see lots of people in town who have life long friends from school but I never got to have that sociable childhood.

[AyUpMiDuck]

My (only) child loves being in a small town/suburb where he can walk to shops/park/leisure centre and there are plenty of friends and activities nearby. It suits me too. I would find a rural life difficult - lots of chauffeuring and sometimes a limited bus service. I find our location perfect.

[MrsJBaptiste]

I think it's fine when they're young and you can organise play dates but as kids get older, they don't want organised play and want to call for their friends. We live in a smaller house than many of our friends but it's near school, a park, shops and my two can get on their bikes and call for their friends. I much prefer this stage than having to arrange for their friends to come round for the afternoon or for tea after school!

If you have a nice life now (and it sounds like you do) I honestly would up sticks unless you REALLY want to. Can you think about moving in 10 years when your son maybe thinking of University or will at least be able to drive if you're more rural?

[harderandharder2breathe]

You don't sound totally sold on the new house yourself. The "dream" of rural isolation isn't actually for everyone when it comes down to it.

If you do move somewhere isolated you need to be able and willing to taxi DC around to activities and friends houses and then help fund them learning to drive and have a car when they're old enough.

My dad and step mum live in a very rural house, yet still only 15 minutes away from suburbs where my step siblings live, and 40 minutes from a city. But if they didn't drive they would be very isolated. The roads aren't the sort you could let children walk alone (narrow country lanes that idiots bomb down), and it would take ages walking to get anywhere worth going to anyway

[Alpanini]

We moved to similar rural location when I was 10. Desperately missed playing out with all my friends on the estate and still remember out first house as my 'real' childhood home. Acted up a lot as a teenager and often stayed out all night because of terrible buses. Sorry, I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear! When buying our house I was adamant it had to be on a housing estate. DH's 'best' childhood memories also of riding bikes with his friends on his estate.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

Personally I wouldn't, but then I have no desire to live in a house where a car is a necessity. I like being central to things - although I admit I prefer an older house to a new build.

[Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake]

I grew up in a neighborhood where we all played out and think it did wonders for me socially, still close with the old neighbours now. I would put off the move until they are older and have more independence. If you move now you're sending the kids a v strong message that their feelings don't matter. No point being in the house of your dreams with miserable, resentful kids!

[poppy7019]

My parents moved us from a small house in a friendly cul-de-sac to a larger rural house a couple of miles away. I was 7, and my brother was 9. My Mum loved the peace and quiet, but we hated it to be honest. We went from having a street full of friends to just having each other. As I got older, I went from being a very confident child to a real introvert which I'm sure was connected with the sudden change we had socially. As we got older, they had to drive us everywhere, and we felt bad for constantly asking. It might work out very well for your family, but I think you're being very sensible to seriously consider the impact it will have on your child.

[loopylulu80]

We don't have kids and don't plan to but we considered moving a while back to get somewhere that my parents could have space in as they live 200 miles away. However even with their contribution it would have meant tripling our mortgage and we love our current lifestyle. Currently we will be mortgage free by the time hubby is 50 and I'm 44.

There is a lot to be said for having disposable income so you can enjoy a few luxuries and some lovely family holidays making memories. Plus maxing yourself out means you put yourself in a bad position if anything should happen to your income.

[SilenceOfThePrams]

Could you rethink the mortgage, and instead buy a smaller holiday cottage somewhere utterly idyllic?

Might be best of both worlds; children happy during the week playing out with friends, somewhere you can escape to for weekends or as needed, and if not too far away, then you could increase time in the rural spot as you wished, get a feel for the life without losing what you already have?

[70ontheinside]

If it is your forever home, how do they compare for secondary catchment?

We stayed in a rented house for years because it was perfect for when the kids were young - playing outside etc. and moved for secondary school.

[QuitMoaning]

I moved from London to a very isolated cottage, couldn't even see another house, before my son was born. The first part of his childhood was idyllic, camping in the woods, playing in the river and getting up to all sorts of adventures with his friends who lived in the nearest village ( village school).
However it all changed when he went to senior school and the transport system was awful, especially as I was by then a single parent and working full time.
Moved to the town where the school was located, with my new partner and the timing was fantastic. My son had the ability to go out with his friends and was not reliant on me and still makes his own social life when back from uni. So he had the best of both worlds and I think the story would have been different if I still lived in my cottage as he became a teenager. I don't regret any of it, the first part, or the move to the larger town (still not a city though).

[honeyroar]

It's difficult! I would move tomorrow to somewhere more rural with no neighbours (am already very rural, but accessible to the town and lots of "new country" neighbours that I'm sick of!), however we can't just yet as parents are elderly. I grew up in the country, grew up totally happy, and am still good in my own company, however I did feel slightly left out when a teen, and going out was difficult. You will have to do a lot of running the child around. But it's a relatively short time in the grand scheme of things - my DSS is now driving and has a car, so country living is fine..

Is there anywhere inbetween you could find to compromise for now?