To base a half a million house purchase on what my 7 year old wants?

[Batwomanrisesagain]

We live in a new build property which is lovely, loads of other kids around, lots of green space. However all very 'on top of each other' and can feel a bit like being back at school with petty neighbour disputes that belong in the playground. I crave solitude as a result of said disputes but equally am very outgoing and sociable and on the whole enjoy the community feel.
I'm also keen on moving up the property ladder should the right house arrive. And it has, beautiful big old cottage with lots of land. No neighbours, beautiful house.
My child is distraught that their friends won't be around, it really is lovely how everyone plays out together. I'm seriously considering pulling out of the purchase as I think my child may have a point about being isolated.
Has anyone been in a similar position or live without neighbours? Or am I being ridiculous letting a young child decide our future?

A compromise - move but not this particular house but another in a village?

We lived in a lovely big house on a main road when my 2 eldest were younger but they were never able to go out and play on bikes or go down the road to friends houses on their own and I think they missed out. We moved when they were teens to a new build estate and DD3 had much more freedom and enjoyed every minute of growing up in much free-er and child friendly environment.

Still like the sound of a forever house in the country though - I don't envy your decision.

Could you find a compromise? Perhaps a house with a bit more space around it so you're not so hemmed in that you know what your neighbours are watching on TV or smell their dinner... But still close to amenities?

When I was a child we lived in a big house with huge garden and completely private etc. Then when I was about 13, my parents split up and we had to move to a tiny 3 bed detached house in the middle of a housing estate. .....

I loved it there! Friends on my doorstep, easy to walk to town, swimming pool, train station etc. It gave us dc so much more freedom rather that relying on mum to ferry us about.

What about buying a second house to let if you have the capital?

When I was growing up, aged 7, my parents moved to a village from a town. It was awful! Boring, no friends nearby, huge commute for everyone to school/work. Fortunately it came to an abrupt end when I was 12.

We live in central Paris, 3' walk from the Eiffel Tower and 2' walk from my DD's school, with hundreds of high quality amenities within a 15' radius. This is officially Heaven On Earth .

Everyone is different so you have to do what you feel is right for you and yours.

I couldn't stand living somewhere so remote and wouldn't fancy having to drive everywhere/drive the kids everywhere until they're old enough to be able to drive themselves/afford a car.

But that's just me.

There is another side to the playing out with all the neighbouring children argument. Sometimes you may not want them to be hanging out with certain individuals especially as hormones and teenage experimenting come into their own. Living rurally does give you a modicum of control over safety and who the dcs mix with.

The cottage is only going to increase in value. Can you say that about a new build when new builds are being built everywhere. I'm sure your son has school friends and imagine what can be done with a big yard for him. Think of his and your future and it's a no brainer...

This is why we are staying out for now. The kids all play out together and for DS1 he can walk to the leisure centre, into town to meet friends etc.

When I was at school one of my close friends lived in a gorgeous old cottage but in the middle of nowhere. Friends wise it was tough, specially as her folks were not keen on driving her places. They'd take her to the nearest bus stop and that was it. Luckily all her friends parents would take it n turns to help out and run her home else she'd never have had a social life outside school.

How close is the nearest village/town, and what do you mean by a lot of land?

If you will be within kids biking distance and have enough land for a couple of ponies/goats or whatever, then go for it. If your child will be unable to interact with others without your input, then wait 10 years.

I live in an old cottage, with lots of land, I feel very lucky.

I think what it offers in wide open space, useful lessons (being a bit more self sufficient, looking after the animals, jobs / repairs etc) is more than it takes away. I'm 39 weeks pregnant with first DS and think its a great place for him to grow up... and its been the first thing pretty much all visitors have remarked on. I think you just need to balance it with still seeing friends and relatives and trips to 'town' so they get a good blend of interaction.

I disagree that you get control over safety and who the dcs mix with - you'll have no choice other than mix with those few nearby, and having grown up in a small village, I can say that it wasn't particularly safe.

...also agree with BenjaminLinus

We are only a few miles out of a town and only 15 from a city...

To be brutal I think you should count your blessings and be glad of what you have. I have felt the same as you recently myself. Thinking a slightly bigger house with a lot more privacy would be great. But our DCS love it here. They can safely play out von the street with children they have known their whole lives. I've put my (aspirational and unnecessary) dreams aside and realised how lucky we are. If your DC is an only child they will likely be lonely unless you are actively arranging play dates all the time and that's stress in itself (think of the parents who drop off but forgot to leave themselves and the free Saturday afternoon you though you had is obliterated ). Stay put and be glad you have far more than most!

I've always thought the ultimate adult achievement was the big country house

I think a happy family life is far more of an "achievement" than a big house, be it in the country or otherwise.

My family moved to a rural location when I was about 9 or 10. It was a big, beautiful house with gorgeous views, lots of land etc but i didn't care about any of that stuff because i was a kid. I hated that there were no kids nearby to play with. I had to rely on my parents for lifts if i wanted to see my friends and while they didn't mind ferrying me around, the lack of autonomy got progressively more frustrating for me as i got older. I had friends but remember feeling left out as the other kids in my friendship group all lived within walking distance to one another.

I wouldn't do it personally.

I grew up on the edge of an estate but on a gorgeous country lane. However the area was all rural and the distance between the two friends furthest away was about 40 minutes but we never had a problem with a social life and our parents were happy because we all hung out at each other's houses having sleepovers and just rotated through the houses. We had fun and parents knew where we were. A lot can be said for that.

Any nights out we had once we were older were always free for me as I was the first to drive so always drove and everyone chipped in for fuel and my soft drinks all night 😉

I would go with what you want to be honest. This will, for you, last a lot longer than your childs distress. You will have to be realistic though and recognise that you will be doing a lot of travelling with them as they grow up to make sure they get to clubs and schools and events and parties as teens etc.

I moved house a few times when young, completely away from friends. It was bad for a few weeks and then things settled so dont worry about it. I'd move.

Another saying don't move - it might seem idyllic -I guess what a lot of us think we want (Escape to the country ) but the reality won't be as much fun.
Ignoring the needing to buy a pint of milk - no quick walk to the shops, nice big garden = lots of maintenance,
old house =lots of expensive maintenance plus possibly things like oil fired heating, calor gas and a septic tank...

and getting snowed in at the first spot of snow
What about what happens when you get too old to drive - or if you have an accident and can't drive for a while - you will be more or less trapped...dependent on taxis everywhere - which will cost a small fortune if just the local shop is a couple of miles.
But the biggest thing is for DCs - they would have no independence - need ferrying everywhere...no-one calling round asking them if they want to play, no meeting up in town or going swimming or deciding to go to a friend's after school and stay late so walk home...everything will have to be planned. And as teens that is even worse...checking what they are up to before you can plan what you want to do.

Assuming country roads they won't be safe to cycle or walk anywhere and buses will be infrequent and won't run late.
They will want a car/motorbike as soon as they hit 17...and this is what would really worry me.
If they run out of beer or want to go out 'on the town' etc they could be tempted to drink drive - especially if they feel independent and don't want to call 'Mummy' to pick them up from a club - a taxi home would be a lot and they are unlikely to be able to share...and they might be tempted to try and walk (drunk and seeming like a good idea at the time) - along country roads in the dark -they could be knocked down - or have an accident or get lost ...end up with hypothermia...

There is a lot to be said about living

We are in the same boat but are staying put in suburbia. It would be tough while DC are young but I think it would be awful while they are teenagers. Not fair imho if you can avoid it.

Will move once DC move out.

(pressed post too soon ) around people, with more facilities -at all ages...

Have been reading this thread with interest.
I think it very much depends on your son's character and social expectations - I had to do this in reverse when my marriage broke up and had to move to a town to sustain a living for myself and my dd.
She was 10 at the time and had lived the rural dream- fields to play in, animals and a village school where everyone knew each other.
Parents took turns at ferrying kids about to each other's homes.
It was idyllic BUT I know how difficult pre-teen and teenage years in a rural setting are as she has 4 much older siblings.
It was necessary for us to move so I could earn a living but she still hates it in the town and she is now 15.
If your child is happy (and you are too) in your current location I would stay. Life's too short to be miserable.

Bobo I lived in the 16e as a teen, albeit 25 years ago. Has it changed? I wouldn't want a young daughter of mine wandering about there unless she was very streetwise (I wasn't).

Only read the first page. I wouldn't move if I were in your position.
You seem to like where you for the most part, so that would be the sway for me.

He'll adapt. We moved to somewhere very rural and discovered it had huge advantages re children. They didn't necessarily agree but seem to have survived. On plus side we knew where are children were at all times, who they were with and what they were doing as they needed us to drop and collect them. No buses here.
They moaned about lack of freedom to pop into town but our house was always full of various children/teenagers/adults so not a real issue.
It did mean more driving backwards and forwards to schools and clubs (boarding sorted that though). We couldn't pop out for a pint of milk or bread we had to go en mass or go without.
But no, I wouldn't base our lives on what a seven year old wanted.

We moved to the country from a 'neighbourhood' when DS1 was 12 and DS2 was 7. We arranged the move so they would start school right away (as opposed to moving in summer) and thus be able to make new friends, which they did. DS1 had a harder time adjusting and accepting the move than DS2 with the move as DS1 already had several close friendships and we moved too far to keep those friendships up. DS2 had friends, but at 7 the ties of friendship weren't as strong.

Being in the country means that you do a lot of driving to keep friendships going as playdates mean shuttling back and forth. And they can't just be 'shooed' out of the house to knock on someone's door to come out to play. Things have to be arranged. I found also that 'overnights' were more common simply because it was easier to take a child over to someone's house and then pick them up the next day, rather than a few hours later.

Overall, I'm glad we moved to the country. The boys had more of an 'outdoorsy' upbringing than 'town kids' have. They had more freedom to wander around, too. Often they'd pack a lunch and go for a hike or spend hours 'building' things out of scraps and wood in our back pasture.

They're grown now. DS2 is still a country boy, but DS1 is ALL city boy!