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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be really annoyed about this woman?

137 replies

Springersrock · 13/03/2017 12:02

I had to take 15 year old DD shopping yesterday. She needed a black, zip up hoodie for PE at school and some foundation. Half hour, job done....so I thought.

Trailed round the shops where she tried on and discarded god knows how many identical plain black hoodies before we ended up back where we started. My patience is now wearing thin

We then move on to the foundation. Should be easy enough, nip into Boots, except they didn't have her usual colour and brand.

We then barely look at and discard virtually every brand of foundation in the shop based on her friend has the same brand and it's rubbish/it will make her look orange, all the while bitching and moaning about rubbish shops and what a shithole we live in for forty-five-fecking minutes! Hanging on to my last shreds of patience, I suggest we go to the No7 counter and do the colour match thing.

DD - are you dumb?
Me - ...or benefit?....what did you just say?
DD - piss off.

At which point I lose my rag. I don't shout, but tell her through gritted teeth not to be so rude and that she has 5 minutes to make her mind up or I would be leaving the shop and she could buy her own "bloody foundation"

This woman then steps between us, turns her back to me and puts her arm round DD and asks if she's OK? DD shrugged her off and said yeah, she was fine.

Woman then turns to me and starts giving me a lecture about how I should be kinder to my daughter, that one day she'll leave home and I'll regret being so nasty.

I cut her off, politely and said we were fine. She then called me rude and that I should be ashamed of myself and that I was being abusive to DD. So I said, we'd been in the shop for 45 minutes, I was fed up with DD's rudeness and if she thought she could do a better job, to be my guest. Woman then huffed a bit, repeated I was rude and abusive, then walked off.

I'm still really annoyed about it. I don't think I did anything wrong, I didn't shout or rant or anything like that.

Also, DD now thinks she's the bees knees as I got told off.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/03/2017 12:43

Benedikte you sound like you're making excuses for a 15 year old telling her own mother to piss off?

TheFirstMrsDV · 13/03/2017 12:46

YANBU
But the event in your op sounds like just the sort of thing someone would post about on MN and claim it was 'the most horrific thing I have ever seen'. It would then be followed by people posting about 'massive red flags' and telling her that 'she should call SS NOW!'

Any attempt to explain that the poor woman (you) was probably dealing with a stroppy teen would be met with 'are you condone child abuse? ARE YOU?' and there would definitely, absolutely be someone posting 'if she talks to her DD like that in public God knows what she does behind closed doors Sad'

So there are a lot of people out there like the bonkers woman who interfered yesterday. I bet she is a MNer.

But please tell me you didn't buy your DD that foundation.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/03/2017 12:47

I didn't shout or rant or anything like that.

Not blaming you at all OP but I it possible you both could have been louder than you actually thought you were?

I recently met with the Ex and we were disagreeing on something. (besides the point). I thought I was being rather restrained until I got a text later that day off a friend "are you okay pixies? DH nipped to the shops earlier and saw you having a heated discussion with X". Blush

If you've been in the shop 45minutes and she was still stropping it's possible you were both making more of a scene than either of you realised. Hence the women's need to feel like she had to interfere. She was still rude too though.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/03/2017 12:48

YANBU. This is why the world is the way it is. People not knowing how to behave, because of interfering do gooders. Who think the world will end if children are disciplined. As pp says you were more than kind. My mum would have belted me around the shop. If I'd spoken to her like that.
and she'd have ate that mrschipinski for breakfast.

pamplemoussed · 13/03/2017 12:49

YABU for it even getting to that stage where you were still even in the shop when this woman turned to talk to you.

Your dd called you dumb. She told you to p* off and you didn't leave the shop and halt the whole shopping trip then and there? You told her to hurry up , she had five more minutes to chose a gift of a new foundation? Mug. If I had overheard you and your dd I would have thought to myself, "What a doormat! No wonder her dd is such a charmer!!"

TitaniasCloset · 13/03/2017 12:49

The woman was a weirdo, try to shrug it off.

I think you need to be a bit stricter with your did, and I say that with full sympathy as the mum of teens and young adults.

Have a big hug from me and some Wine its not bloody easy is it?

Porpoiselife · 13/03/2017 12:51

Blimey! Shopping with a 15 year old is stressful. i too have done the 8 different shops, 8 identical tops tried on but none were quite right! I sympathise. I am actually shocked I havent murdered one of mine yet!

I too have almost lost my rag and kinda spat through gritted teeth that unless a decision is made in the next 5 seconds there will be no purchase of anything! I havent been told to piss off yet (not out loud anyway) so not sure I'd stay quite as restrained as you did in that scenario. Bloody well done btw!

However if someone stepped in like that I'd be livid. I would be shocked speechless to start with and then tell them its none of their business. If you were battering her over the head with the foundation then fair enough, but otherwise WTAF!

milkmilklemonade12 · 13/03/2017 12:51

Ugh, what an interfering cow! YANBU that would have pissed me off no end. I also hope you didn't get your DD that foundation; she was being very ungrateful. Also agree with a PP that you should give her the money and she can go and sort herself out in future on her own, without the pleasure of her DM with her paying for her to stop for coffee/lunch etc.

zzzzz · 13/03/2017 12:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 13/03/2017 12:57

Give her the money?? Erm no. Tell me to piss off? She'd be lucky to ever get money for make up again.

alltouchedout · 13/03/2017 13:07

What a steaming weirdo.

At 15 if I wanted foundation I paid for it myself, either with saved up birthday/ Christmas/ unspent lunch money, or with the money I earned in my weekend job. But if I had somehow talked my mum into a shopping trip she was funding and had tried to spend 45 minutes bitching and moaning and slating the place we lived in, it would have ended about 10 minutes in. I can't even imagine her response to me asking her if she was dumb, let alone telling her to piss off. And she would have eviscerated that woman.

AliceByTheMoon · 13/03/2017 13:08

I think I would have had a massive temper tantrum right in that woman's face. (And at your DD too).

Thanks
Original poster
Springersrock · 13/03/2017 13:09

Thanks all!

No, she didn't get the foundation

She can go after school today and use her own money

I wasn't shouting, DD was grumbling so the woman probably heard her, but I kept my gob shut apart from the odd suggestion.

DD has had a major bollocking about her behaviour, she was very smug when we got home but she has had her fortune told

OP posts:
AliceByTheMoon · 13/03/2017 13:10

Good.

AliceByTheMoon · 13/03/2017 13:11

'eviscerate' that's a nice word.

:)

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2017 13:11

alltouchedout I think we might be sisters Grin

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2017 13:12

But you still offered to buy it for her, as long as she made her mind up within 5 minutes Confused

gamerchick · 13/03/2017 13:12

Have to admit I did chuckle at your 'half an hour tops' comment Grin

I wouldn't have rewarded her behaviour after that though.

The woman was probably one of those glum empty nester types who struggle to find a life after their kids leave home, don't give it another thought. Deal with your daughters rudeness.

Miserylovescompany2 · 13/03/2017 13:15

This is why I shop online. No hissy fits, no rudeness, no huffs, tuts or foul language. It works wonders for your stress levels :)

No child of mine would be getting anything bought if they acted like an entitled brat.

SquinkiesRule · 13/03/2017 13:15

YANBU that woman was mad. Who does that?
If a strange woman put her arm round my Dd and tryied to separate us, Dd would probably take a pop at her to get her off.
I do the gritted teeth thing too, works really well. I also refuse to buy Dd anything if she being a madam or is rude to me. Shes 12 going on 30.

Original poster
Springersrock · 13/03/2017 13:18

DD has struggled quite badly with acne in the past.

It's now under control but has left some quite bad scarring which she is really self conscious of so I do have some sympathy for her and at this point, I just wanted the foundation bought so we could go home without killing each other

OP posts:
WatchingFromTheWings · 13/03/2017 13:19

I'd have walked out the shop immediately after being told to "piss off"!

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2017 13:20

All the more reason not to call you dumb and tell you to piss off, when you've offered to buy it for her then.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/03/2017 13:21

No, the woman wasn't mad - she was following some of the advice given to help people in a potentially abusive situation - talk to the victim, not the abuser, ask them if they're ok, don't engage with the abuser in case they start on you (except she obviously failed in that regard!)

However, she was being very officious - you obviously weren't abusing her, but perhaps she's just done some training (god save us from newly trained people) or was someone who deals with abused families, who knows.

Either way, not a nice thing for you to have had to go through. Thanks

ambereeree · 13/03/2017 13:32

You sound like a super mum! With a lot of patience.

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