To think being an introvert and a Mother is like a living torture

[Iwantpinotgrigio]

Not all introverts feel like this I know but I do!

I've a lot of friends and in some ways I'm extroverted. I'm out going in that I enjoy socialising with friends and have always been chatty at work.

But I only like people to an extent and before I had children, while I was chatty all day at work, I would want to come home to an empty, silent house.

I loved living with family but had to spend a lot of the time in my room reading a book or on the internet.

If I had a social event on a Saturday I needed Sunday alone to 'recover'. If I went days without talking to anyone I felt lonely so I do like company.

When I met my partner I had my son but we didn't stay together. I enjoyed the baby stage until my Son was 1 year old,but once he started wanting someone to play with I found things such a chore.

I'm sure I'm not depressed.

My son is now 4 and he never shuts up. I feel like I am going absolutely mad. I have to do pretend play with him. I have play dates which means I have to endure chatting to mums from school

He constantly talks to me and wants help with something. Just now I've been summoned to help with pulling stickers off his activity book.

Then there's the tantrums which I have to deal with. He's actually a well heaved child but I just find his constant talking an absolute torture. I can read while he's playing and do go on here a lot but I can't do either properly without having to interrupt what I'm doing every 5 mins to play with him or chat to him.

He climbs on me a lot too.

I understand this is just the way children are and I'm not trying to change him.

When he's gone to bed I'm too tired to do much but do immediately turn all TV off and have a bath and read a book.

I never realised how much silence was an essential part of my life and how much it means to my wellbeing and stress levels.

My son is in school and I work but this makes no difference. I still spend almost all my free time with him (no family support and his dad barely sees him).
I love my Son and when he's older I'm sure we will have a wonderful bond. But right now, all I really want is silence. To go home from work to silence. Wake up to silence. To read a book. To be alone. I just want to be alone! Completely alone in complete silence!

AIBU?

I actually asked my 6yo ds to leave my bedroom today so I could have 5 minutes to myself. He is very extroverted and must be surrounded by noise and people at all times. He can play by himself, but it always has to be very close to other people. He'd been following me around all morning and I'd finally had enough when he started bringing his toys into the bedroom to play while I was putting my makeup on. I'd literally had no time to myself all morning and I'd had enough. Poor boy went into his bedroom and began to cry. I felt bloody awful. But then I figure he's going to have to understand that in life, some people crave some alone time just as he craves being around people. He's the most amazing little boy I've ever known, obviously and I actually love his extraversion - I could probably learn a thing or two from him. But I think I can be forgiven an off day! Particularly as I'm really, really fed up with walking around smelling of 15 week old dd's vomit all day and loathing Sundays when we're all tripping over each other in the house due to the weather.

Thigh it definitely came as a surprise to me, because my first child is so introverted herself that even as a toddler she preferred her own company to relentless interaction with me!

YANBU
A Saturday afternoon trip around ikea with DCs yesterday almost sent me into meltdown.

I can identify with this. I always ensured my 2 went to bed early to give me space - its good for them too. They're teenagers now so I can creep away. I often stay up late at night though just to enjoy being on my own and don't get enough sleep. You do adjust and children need you less as time goes on. Being introverted is often inherited ( or learnt ) so he will probably want more of his own time and wont be wanting packs of friends over. I found another trying time was the school gate thing, when you're forced to be sociable twice a day. It does pass, you adjust and you'll find there are so many feeling the same.

I am a lone wolf. I shy away from groups and going to have playdates around other peoples houses. I hate having a day/time arranged to wait in for people to come 'for tea'. I have 4 kids, youngest is 6 months! Yanbu. Just because you have children it doesn't mean you are not you anymore. Light at tge end of the tunnel. My eldest are 20,8 and 7. They love tablet time. They are quiet on them. They also enjoy movies. So it does get better and the interaction becomes less. I would just roll with it and try to create pockets of peace for yourself.

I could have written your post OP. I really really struggle. And I only have one child. I think people with lots of DC are superheroes to honest. DD has a play date tomorrow and I'm so nervous. And I hate myself for feeling like this.

I never feel I get timeout when my DD is awake. I'm lucky that my husband enables me to get as much me time as I need and as soon as I feel myself getting depressed or trapped feelings I try to say and my family are very supportive.

I enjoy alone time to, wish I could have more. There are times where I just don't want to speak or listen but it's impossible when you have a child to entertain and look after. I often resent having to play/read/listen to my son. I do feel guilty about feeling that way. I'm sure I wouldn't feel it so often if I could just get a break. Having regular time outs will make you a happier person and mom.

Can you use some annual leave to take say every Monday/Friday off for a few weeks ? Just to allow you some 'me' time, sounds like your mind needs a break from being on duty 24/7

But YABU for this: I had no idea what having a child would be like

I mean, you must have seen children in public places and you must have been able to imagine what it would be like to have one for yourself 24/7.

I always hated entertaining my little cousins but when I raised my concerns, my mother, God love her, told me it's different when it's your own. She died before I had DS, or I'd be asking her for a refund.

Awk Treacle, I was too! I'd rather have been tucked away with my books rather than with the screaming snotty grabby wee shits that were my peers!

I'm a bad Mum. My son bores me to tears. I spend most days ignoring him. It's the only way I can stay sane.

Can you imagine how people could possibly homeschool their DCs?? For me that would be absolutely torture. Much as I love them, I am delighted to have apart time

User1471 my DH is the best. His Myers Briggs results are off the scale on every area, which is apparently impossible. His work decided to test his team a few years ago, and no one could believe his results.

He's a stereotypical mad genius type. Makes for a fun home life!

I have definitely found my people. I think DS first tried to take my phone away aged about 12 months.

Being this way makes me feel soooooo guilty. And DH piles on the guilt a bit too.

Op your probably at the most intense attention stage and annoying stage as they still lack that teeny bit of rational which means you can have almost normal conversation. Your nearly there when he is five I think it will feel amazing. You can chat, he will amuse himself much more...

Yanbu.
I find going out better than staying in as they can go and play or cycle ahead and I get a big of peace.
Also as someone else said, working from home occasionally is great, actually getting the house to myself.

YANBU - I adore my little boy (3) and actually enjoy playing/talking with him. I teach in a secondary school so obviously interact with other people all day long.

However, I absolutely love time alone/silence!

My husband thinks it's hilarious that I will sit with a cup of tea 'staring at the walls' i.e. with no tv/radio/talking but I just need that occasional silence.

I must admit, I can't abide background noise either - so, playing with ds/talking to DH is fine but not when the tv/radio is on in the background.

I can't stand the radio on in the car either or when DH leaves the tv on in the lounge and puts the radio on in the kitchen at the same time!

I know I sound weird but too much noise drives me mad

I'm an introvert in a house of extroverts. DH and two dc. Every single one of them wants me to listen to them as they are all too bloody busy talking to listen to each other. DC1 talks in their sleep. If DH is away I have at least 1 infiltrating my bed. I am expected to get involved in imaginary play all the bloody time. I love them all dearly but dear god let me have a pee or a shower without talking at me. BTW they are 41, 7 and 6 respectively.

I am currently lying on my bed in total silence. We have had house guests for a week now and I can't wait to turn the TV off and reclaim the peace.

I'm a definite ambivert and the noise of the dcs is the hardest thing about parenting them. I now understand what it is to not be able to hear yourself think.

Getting divorced when they were tiny was traumatic and I certainly wouldn't recommend it but it actually brought a way of life which works for me - two peaceful child free weekends a month!

Not RTWT.

I'm not an introvert but having kids means there is a constant racket. It's literally every waking moment with mine - 2yo and 4yo.

I actually sat on the doorstep in the rain today for 5 minutes and it was so peaceful (DP was with kids, I offered to take the rubbish out to escape.)

Myers-Briggs is a load of rubbish though.

lally I think absolutely the opposite, I have found it so illuminating over the years, it really helps me to understand others and to learn to accommodate their needs which can be very different from mine.

I would imagine every single parent in the entire world who spends lots of time with their 4 year old, craves peace and quiet.
But it isn't fair on them to do it often, you've got to just carry on with a smile as they chat their utter nonsense.

OP, the playing card with a 4 year old stage is a bit wearing. You won't need to wait till teens though, although both my teens are a nice balance. My 8 year old is also utterly different to a 4 year old.

I completely recognise this, it's me too. I found that age exhausting but it does get better. At a certain age you don't have to stay at play dates then the children want to do things without you like watching their own shows or drawing or reading. So take heart it gets better, and as they go through school you spend less time with other parents (apart from those you choose to). For time being take him to do activities where you can't join in, while they are doing it, you can read or get a cup of tea!

I do know what you mean, OP. For some reason I could cope better with one child - I think it helped that my eldest is quieter and always slept well from 7pm - 8am at that age. I got my silence fix when he was in bed, and I'd get up much earlier than him so I was ready for the noise and constant attention needing by the time he got up. He's 11 now and a lovely, considerate, engaging person to live with.

DS2 is LOUD and a ball of non stop energy. He isn't great at entertaining himself without haranguing me to join in, and until recently slept dreadfully, mostly in my bed. DS1 would also get really stressed with being pestered noisily all the time. DS2 is 4.5 now, but he's at school. It's made a massive difference for me as he's sleeping better (school tires him out), I get an hour in a morning before he wakes and he is getting better at playing without me having to join in.

And yes, the free weekends when they are at their Dad's are blissfully peaceful.

Hang on just a bit longer and it should start to improve!