To think being an introvert and a Mother is like a living torture

[Iwantpinotgrigio]

Not all introverts feel like this I know but I do!

I've a lot of friends and in some ways I'm extroverted. I'm out going in that I enjoy socialising with friends and have always been chatty at work.

But I only like people to an extent and before I had children, while I was chatty all day at work, I would want to come home to an empty, silent house.

I loved living with family but had to spend a lot of the time in my room reading a book or on the internet.

If I had a social event on a Saturday I needed Sunday alone to 'recover'. If I went days without talking to anyone I felt lonely so I do like company.

When I met my partner I had my son but we didn't stay together. I enjoyed the baby stage until my Son was 1 year old,but once he started wanting someone to play with I found things such a chore.

I'm sure I'm not depressed.

My son is now 4 and he never shuts up. I feel like I am going absolutely mad. I have to do pretend play with him. I have play dates which means I have to endure chatting to mums from school

He constantly talks to me and wants help with something. Just now I've been summoned to help with pulling stickers off his activity book.

Then there's the tantrums which I have to deal with. He's actually a well heaved child but I just find his constant talking an absolute torture. I can read while he's playing and do go on here a lot but I can't do either properly without having to interrupt what I'm doing every 5 mins to play with him or chat to him.

He climbs on me a lot too.

I understand this is just the way children are and I'm not trying to change him.

When he's gone to bed I'm too tired to do much but do immediately turn all TV off and have a bath and read a book.

I never realised how much silence was an essential part of my life and how much it means to my wellbeing and stress levels.

My son is in school and I work but this makes no difference. I still spend almost all my free time with him (no family support and his dad barely sees him).
I love my Son and when he's older I'm sure we will have a wonderful bond. But right now, all I really want is silence. To go home from work to silence. Wake up to silence. To read a book. To be alone. I just want to be alone! Completely alone in complete silence!

AIBU?

Sometimes I fantasise about going back to my pre-DS days and I just lose myself....

Oh how different life would be now....

YANBU I'm an introvert and have three DC (one is a DSC).

DH is an extrovert and loves to invite friends round and their parents, etc. I find by the end of weekends I'm nearly half mad with the noise and busyness. I'm just not wired like he is.

I feel similar but being a SAHM with two kids drove me insane and crushed my confidence, I'm now back at work but have become socially inept. I feel so boring now and hate talking about kids stuff so tend to avoid making mum friends. I love my kids to bits but occasionally want to run away. I think teenagers will be easier, I've done youth work and talking to those kids is actually fun compared to arguing with a toddler or refereeing a fight over a toy. I'm looking forward to sharing interests and experiences when they are old enough to understand.

The biggest loss for me is my marriage. We just have no quality time together. I almost fantasise about divorce so I can have a relationship where the kids are with their other parent regularly. But it's DH I really want to be with. Those lazy weekends just hanging out together at home were lovely, or we could just go out where ever we liked.

Lol@RandomDent!

I reckon you are in the middle, so an ambivert!

I felt exactly the same with my first (was also on my own with no family nearby). But, my second is not like this at all. It's been a complete revelation to me how different two kids can be.

I feel the same yet I am an extrovert.

Children are mentally draining. Mine are, anyway.

I miss DH too. We're together often but rarely talk directly to one another, uninterrupted, for longer than two minutes at a time.

I'm one of 4. I remember asking my dad what he wanted for his birthday. Peace and quiet was his answer. I'm sure it's similar for many parents.

YANBU

I always thought that I was an extrovert, active social life, people based job, but since having children I've noticed how much time I need to be quiet on my own.

I'd never needed to make the space before. As a child, my sibling was much older so we were the wrong ages to play together, and he moved out before I was a teenager. At uni, I could quietly shut myself in my room without consciously thinking about it. When I went to work, I'd get home a few hours earlier than DH and had the holidays to pootle along quietly to myself. Even the earlier baby stages weren't too bad before the DCs found their voices properly!

I'm getting more time now the DCs have school/ nursery hours, and they're pretty good at entertaining themselves. Last year when working, I'd "enjoy" the end of the day when most of the staff had gone, and the drive to/from work. In my leisure time, I found I needed to get out and run for the head space as much as the energy burn.

When the DCs are in bed, DH and I tend to sit happily in mutual silence as we reclaim some head space. Before the DCs got chatting, I had more need to chat with him. I think he prefers it now I've got quieter

"Peace and quiet" - that's always my Mother's Day request.

God YANBU, I don't cope well either with the constant chatter and the lack of physical space. I am lucky in that I have a partner, I have done 5 years as a SAHM, and now DS is at school I try to get out of the house and just sit, anywhere quiet. I fantasise about going in holiday alone, even if just to the Premier Inn up the road, just to wake up to silence and be able to gather my thoughts.

I am about to return to work and am genuinely quite anxious about how I am going to be 'on' at work all day, then step through the door and keep that front up when I just want to collapse and not speak.

It's hard. Agree that if I had known how hard I would find this bit of parenting I would have given it much more thought (but of course don't regret my beautiful boy, just wish he'd pipe down occasionally...!)

Im sure the bounciest of mothers feels like this too labeling yourself this or that isn"t going to make you feel any better you are simply the parent of a toddler it is like being poked with a stick all day long initiate a quite time for him he doesn't need to be entertained all the time and he doesn't need to be clambering over you either put boundry in place he will settle down and allocate alone time for yourself, btw you don't have to do playdates if you don't want to.

This is me! Love my boy (almost 3yo) but my goodness I miss the quiet/personal time. I have to admit I often ask him to be quiet in the car as 'mummy's concentrating on driving' and I just need the break. He now says it himself as we start driving away from home, lol!

Yet when we are apart I do miss him too. Some of my favourite times are when we are out and about and he's sleeping. Together but quiet.

No solution, just empathy. And it's nice to know I'm not alone.

YANBU. This was me when I had my DS's. The constant need for engagement, constant conversation is hard to deal with. Just one example: Deciding to put DS in the pram and go to the park. Which usually I love to do with no chatter. Normally it would be a nice, relaxing, walk quietly noticing all the changes in fauna, collecting objects and feeling quiet contentment and peace.

But then I quickly realised I needed to talk the whole time to DS in pram so he doesn't feel alone in pram, and tell him what everything is, and point out every plant and keep up inane chatter. And then go to swings etc. Every. Time.

My quiet contemplative parks walks were ruined.

You should look on Pinterest, the CBBC page has pinned a few articles on this. It's not unreasonable to be introverted and overwhelmed by your child, what should should do though is put strategies in place when it's too much - there's loads online and it'll take a bit of tweaking to suit your child. I'm introverted to and a bit like yourself! Don't panic just learn to manage the noisy times, it'll get easier

And don't get me started on quiet book reading time

I got around this by working very hard to have a 7.30 bedtime for my sons until way into primary school. After that time I wouldn't take any nonsense or noise, it was my wind down time. Set your boundaries and stick to them.

Also carve out time when your kid is at activities and you are not at work. So mine are older now and go to a club 5.30 - 7.30. They both go and I still get home from work at usual time and have quiet space.

Oh gosh I am the same in a way. Came from a small family (only 1 parent and a sibling) so was used to having quiet time alone in my room etc growing up. Got 3 kids now and boy it's pretty on-stop. No family meal is quiet and they are pretty full on. I do relish the evenings when they are finally in bed - although I just then want to shut myself away and even struggle spending time/making conversation with DH as I crave that 'me time' so much! It's like I go a few days of being really social with friends, holding play-dates for kids, having the usual parent interactions (clubs etc) and then I feel like I NEED to be alone. Almost like I have to recharge.
When my eldest was born we ended up living with in laws for a while due to circumstances and oh my it was hard - my SIL was still living at home and I felt so suffocated - nearly went insane! Lol.
I find it easier now my eldest is almost 10 - much easier to take out, have sensible conversation with etc. He also likes quiet alone activities writing, playing piano, on the Xbox, reading etc. It's my whirlwind middle child who is exhausting and hypes up the youngest!!
There won't be kids forever that's what I remind myself and to make the most of the good bits before they've flown the nest! Until then I can dream about long lie-ins, weekends away, long shopping sprees on my own, spontaneous trips out or last minute holidays, pottering around the garden, getting to read tons of books etc! Aaaaahhhh!

Totally agree. I was saying this to DP the other day. He's an extrovert and just doesn't find the DC as exhausting as me.

YANBU! I need that time alone to recharge.

Working from home one day a week is a sanity saver because even though I am busy I get some silence.

My eldest is an introvert too and now he is old enough to read to himself we can all take quiet time in separate rooms. Then we had a second child and are currently mid toddler stage again - no personal space when she is here.

You do need to find coping strategies: be it getting up half an hour before the kids to do yoga/have an uninterrupted cuppa; or having something to focus on when the kids are asleep (I crochet - needs less brain power than reading late at night).

I think we are ambiverts. I am just the same. I need time alone. My children drive me mad. But they're older now so it's getting better. Buy while I love a chat and get lonely if too much on my own, I really do need to get away. I am currently hiding in my bedroom as I just have had enough chatting and actually enough of everything!

This is really interesting. I am the same (enfj on Myers Briggs but on cusp of the I) I don't have children, haven't never wanted them but am now at the age where I should think about it. Posts like this really resonate and I just don't think I could do it. Or if I did, take any enjoyment of it. I like the thought of older children (past late teens) as being 'family' but I just can't see how I'd stand the childhood years.

I tend to do my own thing anyway. I take him to school and we walk home, talking about his day and then he helps me make dinner but after that he just plays alone. He talks to me constantly but I don't actually play with him. I just can't do it I would be chronically depressed.

I spend my days when he's there on mumsnet or reading and just dip in and out of that while interacting with him. It's how I survive.

I feel a bit chained by him which is sad. But I know this time will pass and one day he will be much more independent.

YANBU. I'm just the same. Even if we have some chill time in front of the tv, DS has to sit ON me. He's lovely and gorgeous and precious but dear God I miss my downtime. I think the only thing that keeps me sane is working from home two days a week, in glorious silence and isolation.

Re play dates, especially if you've had a few with the same child, say "Let me take them both while you have some 'you time'. No other mum to chat to, and kids entertain each other. Perfect.