To be offended by this doctor's insinuation

[LittleSausageFingers]

My little girl was diagnosed with a rare form of deafness this week, she's 13 months and totally gorgeous and amazing. Her condition is very rare in otherwise "well" kids... babies who have a rough start in life, hypoxia, intubation etc, can develop it, but in babies with none of those issues it's very rare. There are some gene mutations linked to it, so often genetic testing is done on families to see whether it has been caused by faulty genes.

When the doctor (who was with our normal consultant, and introduced herself as a "trainee consultant" ) said that we would be offered genetic testing, she said "in case you're thinking of having more children". Both DH and I felt a bit offended by the drs insinuation that we wouldn't want more kids if they would also be deaf... We just didn't feel like she needed to say anything about our family plans. I can't stop thinking about it, she made me feel sad, I suppose. Obviously no-one would wish their child to be deaf, but it's part of who my little girl is, and she's perfect to me.

AIBU to be a bit offended? I probably am, I suppose, I don't think she meant harm, but it was unnecessary and it upset me.

Personally I would seriously consider the genetic testing.

Who knows what else they might find, it could benefit your daughters health and possibly your own.

What was probably implied is that many couples choose to stop at one child.
If they assumed OP didn't want more children then they'd have offered genetic testing for a fuller diagnosis of DD or to check any medical issues with themselves. You don't offer genetic screening for future pregnancies because lots of people only have one child

Genetic testing has been an amazing leap forward in many cases but let us not pretend we don't know what it is for.
It's about being fully informed.
I have a genetic condition.It was important for me to fully understand the chances of me passing it on. I also wanted to know what the chances of my children passing it on. I wanted to fully understand if there were any health implications that I didn't know about.

I see nothing disablist in me, as a disabled mother, wanting to be fully informed about the genetics of my disability. If I then choose to not have children or take steps to avoid passing my condition on, that is my choice. That doesn't make me disablist!

I don't think the suggestion is that you or any parent is Voice. However there are many medics who counsel towards abortion and who will withold care based on a diagnosis based on outdated information. Trying to push parents towards abortion and "nature taking its course" based on disability is very different to you as a mom making an informed choice

I don't know why you have quoted me voice
I haven't called any disablist

lemon how would it benefit their health?

I am not sure you understand what genetic testing means.
Its not a health check.

In the OP's case they would be looking for a specific genetic mutation. The one they know can cause her DD's particular form of Deafness.

MrsDV, my apologies if it came across that way, my post was 2 separate comments.

I am aware that there are Medics who encourage abortion where there are disabilities, but I don't believe that is the purpose of offering a genetics counselling appointment.

I agree with Voice. Genetic testing obviously isn't a health check, but in e.g. my son's case, when we get his test results back, they will hopefully tell us whether his hand deformity is a random thing in isolation or whether it is due to a genetic disorder that may also affect his heart in particular. If it is, he should then get regular EKGs and be under a cardiologist. Without the tests, we wouldn't know what to expect, what to keep an eye out for, and what to monitor. So in that respect, genetic tests are not only about whether there is a risk to his potential future siblings.

Absolutely Starling, we got my sons genetics done for him. When they offered to do them in case we wanted more Children to, which is what OP talks about, I knew what the logic w

I understand you.
The things that these medical people say make perfect sense to them. But when you're the parent of a "non standard issue" child, and it is suggested that you might get pregnant again and want to know if your new child would have the same condition, it makes you feel a bit like the child you have now is bad, or wrong somehow. "Why would you want another like that one?"
It IS a fairly innocuous question, but that doesn't mean that it can't upset you.

She is obliged professionally to provide you with all the details she is capable of providing as if you were to have another child you would potentially have a claim for her not warning you about potentially genetic conditions for your other children.

Stop being so fucking precious.

YABU