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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dinner at 9pm.

194 replies

LookAtTheFlowersKerry · 11/03/2017 14:53

We are going out for dinner tonight as it's my sister's birthday.

The table is booked for 8.45pm. I'll be chewing my own arm off by then! We're meeting at 7.30 for drinks. So I'll be starving and probably pissed by the time we sit down to eat.

Am I just really out of touch? Is this how the world works now? Bearing in mind I'm usually in bed by ten.

Am I just an old fuddy duddy? Dsis is a hip young thing despite only being a year younger who has a vibrant social life. She says it's normal to eat that late and that I'm weird for always booking tables for 7pm ish.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 18:58

I can get up absolutely fine at 6am, like I said I'm used to very little sleep. It's certainly not ideal (I hate it) but I've tried everything, and am used to it.

SchnitzelVonCrumb · 11/03/2017 19:00

My partner often leaves for work around 5:00 which means he is up at 4:00.

He goes to bed at 9.

I tend to go to bed at 11 and wake at 8 with the kids ( If I wasn't pregnant I would be up at 6 )

This means dinner on the table at 6pm for us adults if the kids are desperate it's 5pm for them.

Bedtime at 7pm for kids. I spend most of my evenings alone and it's bliss right now lol

5moreminutes · 11/03/2017 19:00

Well that does probably mean that other people are perfectly reasonable not to be eating at 9pm and getting up at 6am Ecureil - you must know you are an outlier there given you have lifelong insomnia!

How did you get diagnosed at 6 btw (my 6 yo still doesn't sleep... I've taken him to a doctor who just shrugged as there is nothing actually wrong with him and he doesn't sleep in the day or have any problems concentrating or being energetic).

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 19:06

How did you get diagnosed at 6 btw (my 6 yo still doesn't sleep)

Not sure, I don't remember! Just going on what my mum has told me. She says some nights I wouldn't actually go to sleep at all and would go 48 hours without sleeping even a minute.
Yes I realise my insomnia makes my sleep habits unusual but I thought most people were in bed 7ish hours a night (seems typical amongst my friends with small children), and therefore dinner at 9 isn't that crazy is it? Again, I've spent a lot of time living in Spain (and France and Italy) so that might have changed my perceptions. The reason for our late dinner isn't my insomnia anyway, it's that DH gets home at 8.30pm ish and we like to eat together. That would be the same without the insomnia and DH keeps the same hours as me and sleeps fine.

WipsGlitter · 11/03/2017 19:07

BiL (no kids) always tries to book tables for 7/7.30. That's just too early if we have to:
Feed kids
Get them ready for bed
Get glammed up
Collect babysitter
Book taxi

HoneyDragon · 11/03/2017 19:10

Left to my own devices I eat when I'm hungry. Because of family we eat at 7-8pm Fridays and Saturdays and ad hoc through the week.

Formal dinners I don't mind as long as I'm not expected to arrive a stupid amount of time before dinner to drink. Like the op that would irritate me.

Early lunches I can't do, but thankfully at lunch you can get away with something lighter to be polite and show willing.

I do find it weird that some people (not on this thread) associate eating later with being more cultured though. How? Confused

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 19:15

I've always just put it down to different body clocks. Although living abroad we definitely got used to eating later and never really shifted back due to DH's commute.
DH has just popped his head round and said 'what do you fancy for dinner?' so I suspect we'll be eating at 8ish tonight.

milliemolliemou · 11/03/2017 19:18

@Look good luck hope you enjoy!
@otherposters Clearly we suit ourselves. Eating early pps - I'm married to someone who came from a family where they all worked/went to school within half an hours walk and could go out after 6pm to local clubs. Doesn't work in deep country/London/cities and not with a big commute. Eating late pps - I'm one of them because of jobs but would have dearly have liked eating at 7pm rather than 9pm unless on a night out - and yes, I worked in Spain, but at that time they banked in the siesta 3-5.

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 19:21

and yes, I worked in Spain, but at that time they banked in the siesta 3-5

We didn't get the siesta in Spain as we both worked 45 mins away from where we lived in opposite direction, so no point going home for a half hour sleep. Did get a proper lunch break though so a bit of down time.

80sMum · 11/03/2017 19:24

When we were on holiday in Madeira, we became friendly with a family who lived locally. They invited us out for a meal one evening and we accepted. Then we asked them what time we should be there to meet them, they said meet at 10.30. The table was booked for 11.00pm!! They had a 9 year old daughter, who joined us for the meal too.

By the time the food arrived it was 11.45pm and we didn't finish eating till 12.30. I was shattered, but for them it seemed perfectly normal. It was a weekday too, so the daughter had school the next day!!

apotheke · 11/03/2017 19:29

It's quite fascinating how judge-y this thread gets.

At different stages of my life I have fallen into both early and late dinner camps. Why is it such a big deal that we all have different eating patterns? If it's for a one off special occasion, then I would just adapt the rest of my day to make sure I wasn't starving/too pissed/unable to eat at the required time.

Why all the scorn on those whose lifestyle works around a different schedule? Genuinely Shock at some of the comments over such a non-issue.

limitedperiodonly · 11/03/2017 19:33

I just knew there would be someone who talked about Spain

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 19:35

I just knew there would be someone who talked about Spain

And what's wrong with that? Confused. I mentioned Spain as living there has affected my eating habits to some degree, and the thread is about eating late...

SaudadeObama · 11/03/2017 19:35

Normal to eat about 8pm here in Brazil. 9pm is considered a bit late but kids birthday parties are sometimes just getting started then Hmm People usually have cafezinho (little coffee) which is a light smack at 3.30-5PM. Why not do that, dribbling on an empty stomach is not good anyway.

limitedperiodonly · 11/03/2017 19:50

Because OP doesn't live in Spain Ecureuil

user1486076969 · 11/03/2017 19:56

YANBU

5moreminutes · 11/03/2017 19:56

According to the NHS most adults need 8 hours (actually asleep, not just in bed:

httpwww.nhs.uk/Livewell/tiredness-and-fatigue/Pages/lack-of-sleep-health-risks.aspx

I think the "normal range" is meant to be 6-9 hours sleep. 7 hours in bed (6.5 asleep at best probably) would be enough for some but not most adults. I do think a lot of people are permanently slightly sleep deprived especially when they have work and kids and are understandably clinging to scraps of alone/ partner time instead of going to bed an hour after the kids!

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 19:57

No, but usually on MN posts open up general discussions around the issue, not just a direct answer to the question 'AIBU', surely?
Would be pretty dull otherwise:

Lweji · 11/03/2017 20:00

Mentioning Spain or Brazil shows that different people in different places do it differently. It's not an inherent human feature to eat at 7pm. :)

Peanutandphoenix · 11/03/2017 20:06

That's normal to me but I barely eat and most nights eat my tea between 9 and sometime in the early hours of the morning if I can be bothered to cook.

SaudadeObama · 11/03/2017 20:06

6pm Lweji, 7pm is bedtime Wink

Ecureuil · 11/03/2017 20:12

especially when they have work and kids and are understandably clinging to scraps of alone/ partner time instead of going to bed an hour after the kids!

Yeah that's key for me, and from speaking to me friends it's true for them too. If we went to bed early we wouldn't get any time together. The kids go to bed at 7.30, DH is home at 8.30 and we have a couple of hours catching up/eating/relaxing together.

foxyloxy78 · 11/03/2017 20:29

Nearly time to eat OP. How you bearing up?Wine

CasperGutman · 11/03/2017 20:31

Eating late is OK-ish. We do it occasionally when we want to have a civilised adult meal after the kids go to bed.

It's a long time from lunch to a 9pm dinner though. You need to do like the Spanish do and eat a merienda to tide you over. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merienda

ButtercupChain · 11/03/2017 20:37

Way too late. I wouldn't be going if someone asked me to a meal that started at 9pm. In our family, breakfast is around 7.45-8am, lunch is around 1pm, dinner is at 5.30pm to 6pm, and then we have a very light supper at around 9pm. I would never entertain having a full meal at 9pm. If you were at a restaurant, you wouldn't finish eating til 10.30pm! Not for me.