To think my wedding just isn't going to happen?

[LeeFiora]

Fiancé and I trying to plan our wedding. He is from a big family and is an extrovert, I'm from a small family and am an introvert and quite shy.

I don't like the idea of a big wedding and would like to cap the numbers at ideally 50 but I'll stretch to 70 or even 80 if I must.

The problem is that OH says that he absolutely must invite all his aunties, uncles, cousins and their families. This includes people he hasn't seen or heard from in several years.

He says that a lot of them probably won't come, but in case they do it'll have to be okay as he can't exclude anyone. If they do all decide to come that'll be 80 guests already, so with my family of 20 and some friends that'll be an unreasonably large wedding that'll a)make me really uncomfortable and b) will be a massive financial strain unless we do the whole thing on the cheap.

He knows that I'm not keen on the idea so the only other thing we can come up with is nuclear family only at a local registry office. Right now it seems appealing just as a way to get round the problem but I can see myself regretting it in the future.

Is there any way out of this deadlock?

I'm surprised I've not been flamed for this situation really. Imagine if I said that my OH refused to let me invite my family despite us technically having enough money to do so, just because he preferred smaller groups.

Come on, it would appear reason has failed so maybe someone could guilt me into a resolution!

If you came on here and said 'I want to invite 80 people on my side to my wedding and I don't want to do a budget, I just think we should find the money. This is important to me so OH should make it happen'

You would get a pretty unanimous YABU. And be told to grow up, make a budget, make a list of priorities and communicate more effectively with your other half about how you want your wedding day to go.

Also I doubt if anyone on MN would tell someone to override their introvert OH.

The point about family to me OP is how close they are.

If you were asking DP not to invite family he associated with on a regular basis that would be different.

In this case, even HIS parents have said not to include the extended family that has no regular contact.

This is what makes me think he is being unreasonable. Spending lots of money on people he rarely meets with rather than on far more important things.

He's sounding like a GroomZilla tbh - all about him, the party and the adoration....

"rather than on far more important things."

The "more important" thing was a new kitchen?

Yeah, I have to wonder, is he just doing it for the show of the thing? "Look at me, look how well I'm doing, I've invited you all along to see how well I'm doing even though I haven't seen you for 20y"
I mean, maybe not, maybe he does just have that "Faaaaammmly" thing (that I am distinctly missing, I have to say) going on, but there might be an element of "show ponying" (as they say in Australia) going on.

With those options I would still go for the tiny wedding, and let it be known to your close relatives that you'll have to exclude on the family grapevine that it's DP's fault!

A new kitchen would be a far better use of money IMO!