To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

[ParsleyCake]

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!


Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

[apringle]

No need to take him. He's 2 so it's not like his friend will even notice (assuming he's also 2). Nobody wants a meltdown at their party so just let your son nap and don't tell him about the party - they'll be so many more parties in the future he can enjoy!

[moosechops]

My 2yo daughter had her birthday party today 12 till 2 - i booked it so the kids could have their dinner. I gave the parents like 6 weeks notice. My daughter always naps about 1ish after dinner so I just put her to bed later the night before so she slept in.. so she napped about 2/3. All the kids were between 1 and 4 and all completely fine and had a great time!

It's only a one off I don't see the problem going and seeing how it goes - but your not being unreasonable at all if you decline

[Kindlethefourth]

Just don't go. There will be so many parties in the forthcoming years and let's face it- He is 2. He will never remember it......but you definitely will and probably not for the right reasons. The use of the word 'no' is massively empowering!

[Serialweightwatcher]

Just wondering because mine were never that flipping easy that we knew there would be a certain time for a nap, but what happens when the clocks change - does the nap time change and how do you get it back again ... just wondering, not being flippant

[sunshineandshow3rs]

You are massively restricting yourself.

You can't avoid doing anything ever at that time.

I would go and see how he is.

[MrsPeelyWaly]

You are massively restricting yourself

on the contrary people can still lead a very full life when they have a child who naps.

[catkind]

Serial, presumably similar to what happens for us all with morning wakeup times and bedtimes? It all goes haywire for a few days then settles into the new time?
Or do you also have irregular bedtimes? My chaotic nappers were fairly consistent on bedtimes (viz would go to sleep at 9pm whatever the f* we did).

[SpookyPotato]

How is it restrictive when a child naps? It's a great time to get things done, just relax a bit before the afternoon session or nap yourself etc. My nearly 3 year old still has one a few days a week and I've never felt restricted, if I want to go anywhere I'll do it in the morning or later on. I will miss it when it stops..

[milliemolliemou]

OP - entirely up to you. Since you would need bus/taxis and don't drive then it's just not worth rescheduling DC's naps just to make one party. Just say you would love to have come but can't and will be sending card/present (since it doesn't look as if you could just drop it round without bus/taxi)

Envy the nappers. Worked at home and DC didn't nap to command ...

[cherish123]

If you are this rigid - your child will struggle in the future. Children need to build up resilience and sometimes things will be different from the norm ie- going out during normal nap times. People need to be able to cope when things are different from the norm.

[HeyRoly]

Her child will struggle in the future?

Good god, some people really struggle to understand that some parents just plain enjoy their kid's nap time and like staying home during it. And also that it's a temporary inconvenience because children eventually give up napping!

[cherish123]

2 hour nap is quite a long nap for a two-year-old every day. He must take ages to sleep at night?

[GailTheFish]

Serial - about the clocks changing: I'm another one with an inflexible napper, and will be bringing naps (and bedtime) back by 15 mins a day each day for 3 days so that when the clocks go forward in a couple of weeks the change in the routine won't throw us totally out - am keeping fingers crossed that this will work!

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

I would decline, I loved knowing when nap time was so i could plan.

[ExplodedCloud]

Jeez my ds napped for 2 hours until at least 3.5. Didn't bloody sleep for his first 15 months so it was payback. Was out for the count 7 to 7 too.
Why is it so hard for some people to understand that babies have their own personalities?

[ExplodedCloud]

Gail we always did a 20 minute step and that worked well.

[sunshineandshow3rs]

It is restrictive when you read avoiding doing things in advance because of 'nap time'.

If you happen to be at home then great, but planning to decline invitations is restrictive.

[sunshineandshow3rs]

Are avoiding *

[Sanga76]

The fact that you are having to pay money for a taxi plus a present and a card for something that you and your little one will probably not enjoy is ridiculous. This is one of those occasions when you need to think about number 1 - why waste your time, money and sanity on a party for a 2 year old who probably won't even notice who's there or not? Of course you don't want to offend your neighbour so just be honest and perhaps you could invite her child over to yours for tea and cake as a little extra birthday celebration for him?!

[HaPPy8]

If the party is only a couple of days away I expect the mother has already paid for your child to go so I think you are unreasonable to back out now for this reason.

[Serialweightwatcher]

GailTheFish good idea - it had just never occurred to me because mine were never regular at naps - used to be a nightmare trying to get them to settle for a morning nap at all, never mind on time

[HolditFinger]

Mine always napped like clockwork too, so I used to say no to invites between 1.30-3.30. Far from finding it restrictive, this was a little slice of heaven in the day where I could put my feet up with a cup of tea and a book. I loved my quiet time.

[cathf]

I'm not sure how I feel about this nap rigidity.
My 3 always napped, usually after lunch, but I don;t remember any drama involving missing events and losing friends over it.
On the one hand, that breather during the day is worth its weight in gold and I was very upset when mine dropped their naps, usually at about 2.5 years old.
On the other hand, I think you do need to be a little more flexible and go with the flow rather than expecting the world to stop because your toddler was asleep (asking the postman not to knock?!)
I am also jumpy about anything that revolves around a child, rather than the child fitting into your plans, although I appreciate this is not a modern or fashionable point of view.
In the OP's position, I would have declined anyway, as the whole thing sounds a nightmare to get to, but if I had a car, I would probably have tried to fool the child's body clock by getting up later, later breakfast etc and see how it went.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Cathf - I am also jumpy about anything that revolves around a child, rather than the child fitting into your plans - while we did have fixed nappers (although not by 2, sadly I wasn't get a daily break to do anything in peace for that long!), we would just juggle them, keep them awake or take the buggy they could sleep in so we could still fit them into our plans, when you get situations like this where the whole plan is supposed to be something nice for the child not the grown ups, then "will my child actually enjoy this?" matters - and it doesn't matter if it's because it's nap time, or eg your child is terrified of snakes and it's a party in a reptile house (we've had one of those invites!), if you think that your child won't actually enjoy the thing they are being invited to, then YANBU to decline it.

oh and I never really liked my DCs napping at home, it was great to arrange a late lunch with friends, feed DC earlier, walk round with them in the buggy for 10 minutes until they were asleep then park them up next to the table in the restaurant and I'd get a good 1.5 hours to eat in peace and quiet, catching up with my friend, when toddler woke up, that's when you get the bill to leave! (Or do that at a shopping centre, 1.5 hours of shopping in peace with a sleeping child in buggy, go home when they wake up) Life got a lot tougher when they stopped sleeping in the day.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

If you are this rigid - your child will struggle in the future.

Blimey. That's a strong statement to make with such conviction and very little actual evidence...

Babies and toddlers don't generally just nap for the hell of it. They nap because they need that sleep. Some more than others. They are individuals. If someone said to you that you had to get up at 3am and go to a party for two hours, would you enjoy it? Or would you be tired and grumpy? And do you think that you should just be able to deal with that because otherwise you aren't "resilient" enough?

It's hardly spoiling a toddler if you let them nap when they're tired.