To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

[ParsleyCake]

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!


Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

[EmGee]

Agree with PPs saying don't interfere with naps! Mine both napped til 2.5/3 years. Bliss. I would miss a party rather than have an irritated, overtired toddler any day.

[stoopido]

Seriously? Personally, I would not let naps prevent me or my child from having a life.

[MrsPeelyWaly]

sorry, in fact one of my grandsons is 3.5 and still sleeps from 1 to 3 everyday after nursery then its back down for the night at 7pm.

[MrsPeelyWaly]

Seriously? Personally, I would not let naps prevent me or my child from having a life

Having a life?

Don't be so stoopido.

[beargrass]

Not the same age but mine's the same. It's swings and roundabouts. You get two clear hours each day to make dinner/tidy up (or actually sit down!!) and I just don't go to things on at that time. You also can't scoop him up and get him to doze off in the car, so I wouldn't go either.

It's temporary, he won't always nap at that time.

People say the same to me but...I get my two hours each day and mine sleeps through the night...so I don't care!

[kierenthecommunity]

Just say you already have plans (no a lie, you do, to let him have a nap )

She's unlikely to ask you what, and won't be there to see you're still at home at the time of the party

[JigglyTuff]

Mine did that - wasn't anything I'd imposed but he napped for 2 hours every lunchtime, whether it was convenient or not.

For a 2 year old, I'd decline and explain why. If she thinks you're pandering to him, who cares really? You could always buy her child a present and/or suggest you meet up another day/time instead

[LePetitPont]

It's a pretty odd time for a toddler party - bang over usual nap time for most little ones that age.

I wouldn't go, especially as you doing have the option for an early nap in the car beforehand. Just say you can make it and pop round another time. Getting there seems like hassle enough, to be fair.

[SpookyPotato]

I didn't know some kids didn't nap past 2, my DS is nearly 3 and still has a 3 hr nap sometimes even when he's slept all night! They're all different though.. I seem to be raising a sloth, albeit a very energetic one I have never found it restrictive... if we go out then we just do it in the morning or later in afternoon.
I just wouldn't go to the party but take a present for the friend.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

stoopido - while mine had dropped naps by 2, eldest did have to stick to his routine or was a grumpy nightmare. If it was so DH and I "could have a life", we'd just cope with the grump (for things like meals at PIL who genuinely can't cope having breakfast earlier than 8am or lunch before 1:30pm then would grumble about "unflexible children" when we suggested lunch at 12 - apparently toddlers must be flexible but pensioners are allowed to have routines that can't be varied for any reason) - but for something that was meant to be fun for the child, then what's the point taking them when you know they aren't going to be in a fit state to enjoy it?

[Astoria7974]

Softplay is a magical place. Many a cranky child has missed mealtimes and naptimes to play there happily lol.

[GreenShadow]

This is what destroyed my local NCT group years ago.

When a certain book was published, and prescribed nap times became a 'thing', mums were never flexible and we found it impossible to keep the open house meetings going. Before that, parents seemed to make their offspring work round their varied routine, but not anymore.

I think you'll have to miss this party OP.

[Butterymuffin]

Tell her either that you've already got plans, or that transport is a problem and you can't make it. People saying it's better for the mum to have a definite no since she's paying are right. Don't get into the whole nap thing as some people get it (like me, my DS thrived on very regular nap times) and some don't. As long as you're being considerate about the invitation, it's OK not to go.

I've also noticed that it's often the people who say 'ah, live a little, just keep them up!' who then look puzzled and annoyed when your child gets crabby and tearful in exactly the way you've said they would.

[ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess]

It's not just nap time, it's precious time for YOU - and any parent of a two year old should be able to empathise with that. Drop a card and gift off, and, if you feel obliged to, apologise, but don't go!

[rainbowdash888]

I think at 2 years old it might be time for him to learn a bit more flexibility - perhaps this party is a good time to start?!
In your shoes I would give him an early lunch to give him a bit of energy then take him to the party for12. Leave the party early if he can't cope and just say he's tired and needs a snooze- could he really not stay up one more hour?

[ThickBlackSmoke]

Decline! My 2 were exactly the same - only ever napped in their cots, never in a pushchair etc.

[MathildaF]

Skip it! This is wasting far too much of your energy (I know because I also agonise over decisions like this!). HOWEVER, as someone else suggested, do not say it is because of nap time. Whilst nearly everyone has nap-limitations and the horrors are real, it sounds really lame! Just make up an excuse then make a big effort to see them and give a present soon at a time that suits you. If too late for an alternative engagement excuse, just text on the day and say lo is full of a cold and has a temperature... Good luck!

[YouCanStandMeUpSpartacus]

She's bonkers to have planned a party for a toddler at that time. I wouldn't go and wouldn't feel at all bad about it. It's her fault for scheduling it at a time when most toddlers need to be asleep. Also it's totally normal in my experience to decline invitations that clash with nap time, no question. The only way we would be out over lunchtime would be somewhere that we could put DC down, like at my parents' house where DC has a cot, or for a very special occasion at someone else's house where we would take a travel cot. I still have a life, thanks! We do things in the morning or afternoon or evening. And the 2 hours of peace at lunchtime are some of the most blissful hours of my life!

Have the people who find this weird actually had toddlers?? And what's this about weaning them off a nap?? Why the hell would anyone do that? I will weep and wail when nap time disappears and want it to continue as long as possible.

[SoupDragon]

Do "most toddlers" nap from 12-2? Mine didn't and I'm guessing the birthday child doesn't either.

[rainbowdash888]

For those that wonder why some
People wean toddlers off naps- that was me!! I hated them forever- my kids would sleep, wake up grouchy and waste an hour being grumpy and
Then I'd have lost 3 hours where o could have been out- especially in the winter when daylight has gone by 4pm and by the time nap/grumpy time was over we couldn't get out!! I was really happy when dd didn't need hers anymore just over 2- we could go out for lunch, not worry about having to be home or her dropping off in the car 2 mins before getting home. I still got quiet time- nap time became peppa pig time!
I hate naps!

[SoupDragon]

Have the people who find this weird actually had toddlers??

Yes. Three of them.

[AreYouNice]

I wouldn't go. I think it's brilliant that your lad has such a set routine. I can see it restrictive in some ways but it also means you can plan things too. My DC didn't have set nap times so I'd never know when they might kip. That could make it hard to plan things sometimes.

[AmayaBuzzbee]

Combined with the hassle of taxis, I don't understand why you would even consider going. My kids were the same at that age. If anything clashed with their nap, I just didn't go. It wasn't a big deal, why complicate things when you don't have to? The nap time is also very special quiet time for parents (unless you have non napping toddlers/babies too)!

[RandomMess]

One of mine was like yours lived for sleep at the right time in the right place! Just not worth it, politely decline and invite them around at some other time instead.