To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

[ParsleyCake]

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!


Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

[GretaGarbled]

We had one child like this. Just don't go if you don't want to, but say you have plans of some sort, as most children are more flexible so people think you're very PFB (our second one was a lot more flexible but slept worse overall, so you win some you lose some....).

[EssentialHummus]

id pop round with a card and a present either tonight and tomorrow and say sorry, we are having a hell of a time with him atm.

Exactly.

[TSSDNCOP]

My baby used to nap between 11-2. Never, ever mess with nap time. I dint find it restrictive at all, I'd prefer a rested baby than a crying one.

[bigbuttons]

None of my 6 kids still napped at 2 years old. That seems a bit barmy to me.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Decline.

Although by 2 both my dcs weren't napping much in the day, but my dc1 was a child that couldn't be flexible when younger- naps could be in the buggy (to make being out for the day easier), but had to be at the right times or he was a bloody nightmare (and we did try making him flexible!)

At 7 he still is a creature of habit, he'll be a total shit if I try to make him wait an hour to eat lunch or dinner later, it's restricting, but frankly no one wants the company of a shouty child anyway. (DC2 is a little more flexible, but more as when I could predict and stop dc1 being a horror, there's been considerably less rhyme or reason to her shoutiness!)

Decline, say you are busy, suggest a play date/trip to the park in the morning the day before/after.

[Pigflewpast]

My eldest had a two hour nap until I had to ween her off it to start school. My youngest had to swap nursery from afternoon to morning because of naps. Middle one just slept whenever wherever. If you have a mapper it is restrictive but you really do have yo go with it and let them nap. Did mean plenty of time to myself though.
Eldest is now 18 and still likes a nap!

[blaeberry]

I think your neighbour would prefer you to turn it down and not have to pay for your ds (let her know a reasonable time in advance) than have you turn up then leave after five minutes. Popping round with a present after the party would be a nice gesture. I used to be pretty tied down by toddler naps for a good while too. We ended up getting a nanny/mother's help so I could take my older children to activities at my youngest's nap time.

[MaybeDoctor]

If the party was next door at her house I would give it a try - but as it is miles and several buses away then it could quickly become a nightmare.

Also, they are two - sleep is probably more important than attending parties at that age!

Why not pop around with a card/little gift earlier in the day?

[chickensatay]

I find when I'm out and about my daughter won't take a nap and she's fine. She just pushes through because she's having fun. If we were at home there's no way she would be missing the nap as she would be very tearful and moany.

[Corialanusburt]

I totally understand.
The bad me would fake illness on the day.
The good me would take him for an hour then tell them that he's coming down with something and drive him round for another hour so he gets half his nap.

[RupertsMum2]

My two eldest napped, in their cots, from 1pm till 4pm every day until they were 3.5. I worked night shift and this was the only sleep I got each day. nap time was sacrosanct. There is no way I would have risked upsetting things.

I wouldn't go if I were you.

[Corialanusburt]

Except you don't drive. Silly me. Don't go then.

[PebbleInTheMoonlight]

YANBU to decline an invitation. If it doesn't work for you, then it doesn't work for you. But I really wouldn't mentioned it's because of a nap.

I appreciate it's important but as a reason for not attending it doesn't sound great...almost like an excuse. Just politely decline and leave it at that.

As a complete aside how on earth are you managing to have a napping 2 year old? Both of mine turned into tornados at 18 months and would only nap if ill. They'd easily manage a 14 hour day of non stop activity whilst I sobbed in the corner trying to find energy to keep up

Relish your restrictive nap routine while you still can. You have two toddler free hours to do whatever you need at home without interruption. That is priceless!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I wouldnt go anyway based on the cost of the taxi tbh.

I agree that popping round with a card and present and explaining that he really is struggling with naps at the moment so rather than risk it being a disaster, you will not be going.

[GallivantingWildebeest]

I'd decline and make a date to see the birthday child another day.

Soft play with a tired toddler sounds like hell. Especially since you'll have to spend money on a taxi. He's 2. There will be more parties...

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Given it's at a soft play place - so she'll have to pay per child - I would avoid any 'illness on the day' or 'stay for 30 mins' type solution - just say sorry, you can't make it. I've never had anyone say "why?" when I've declined a party invite because we "can't make it, but hope [birthday child] has a great time!"

[pianomadness]

My eldest was exactly the same - always slept straight after lunch until 3pm until he was 3.5 only in his room or sometimes the car. He loved his sleep and still does. All children are different.

If it were me I'd get him up quicker in the morning, have an early lunch and drive around for an hour before to ensure some sleep/rest and try the party....you don't have that luxury though. There's no way I'd go on buses/taxi's with the demon 'I want to sleep' child!

[HighwayDragon1]

Big buttons, my DD is 7 and will have a lie down/rest after a busy few days in the holidays. She also had an hour after school until she was around 5. It's not that shocking.

[IsabelleSE19]

I can't believe there are people that would wean their child off naps! I will be gutted when my 2.10yo stops!

[Nicpem1982]

My dd used to nap every day at 2 and it was a pain if she missed it I'd have to decline

[noramum]

DD was 3.5 when she decided to cut out naps and she slept from 1-3.30pm. At home, in her cot. She is 9.5 now and still loves downtime after lunch and more than once she dozes off.

Sometimes a child is not designed to have short naps or no naps when they are young. We did lots in the mornings as she was an early riser and nothing could be changed about that. Cutting naps short meant hell late afternoon and bedtime. A full day out was possible with the pram and her napping in it in short bursts but always resulted in her falling asleep on the way back and then we could forget an easy evening.

OP, I would decline. My friend did a party around this time and there was more than one toddler with a meltdown. Just because her child didn't needed naps she forgot others do.

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

YANBU - there is NO WAY I would have sacrificed precious nap time to sit in a soft play centre with an over-tired and grumpy child!!

Send your apologies and pop round another time with a little gift.

[jay55]

He's 2, loads of parties to come.

[MrsPeelyWaly]

I'd decline too

Nap time is sacrosanct in my house. And yeah, it involves staying indoors at that time. Same for both of my children

I was the same and so are my daughter and daughters in law all.

[Screwinthetuna]

YABU. They're 2 and missing one nap won't hurt and they could sleep on the way home. I would be pretty offended if someone declined a party invitation because of one nap time