To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

[ParsleyCake]

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!


Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

[EdenX]

The whole party seems like a massive pain, I wouldn't go.

One of mine napped til 2.5 and the other til 4 - though fortunately were happy with buggy naps. Enjoy it while it lasts!

[drspouse]

highway I'm with you. My 5yo stopped naps 1 week before his 4th birthday (to our great relief as we took him away for afternoon skiing lessons the following week).
It seems quite a British thing to expect naps to finish so early - the Northern European preschools that go up to 6 involve naps I believe, and US friends with kindergarteners (so our Y1 age) report heads down on desks with a snooze after lunch.
I would definitely have declined something like this for this age. I'm still avoiding taking our 2yo to afternoon parties that our 5yo is going to.

[angelicjen]

Just don't go and don't worry about it. We're tied to the house from 1 til 3. It's a pain but it's not forever. There will be more parties.

[bigbuttons]

bigbuttons All of my sisters 9 kids nap until 5. Me thinks your sample of 6 doesn't really count
Course it counts.

[Hulababy]

Up to you; no point in taking a distressed child. Take care and present round, sat happy birthday but sorry you can't make it.

See nothing wrong with a party spanning 12-3 for a 3 year old (party child) or even younger. It spans a meal time which many people prefer - you read in MN lots about them not being a meal times and it being a pain as it messes with food routines.

However this all sounds incredibly restrictive. For two years you've not been able to have a full day out, go out for lunch etc?

If it works for you and you don't mind, your choice. But there is no way I'd have coped being so restricted for so long!

[Xmasbaby11]

It sounds like a hassle going anyway so I wouldn't bother..he's 2 - he won't know he's missed anything.

[drspouse]

hula Is that not just, er, normal? Unless you have only tiny babies that nap anywhere, or over 3s who don't nap? I have a 5yo and a 2yo and can't really remember the last time I had a whole day's socialising without a post-lunch nap. I quite like a sit down or a regroup after lunch myself.

[Hulababy]

Depends on your child I guess - Dd never needed to nap much and had dropped her nap by 2. And was pretty flexible in that she could nap pretty much anywhere (not just at home in a cot) and times could vary. So we often did full days out and ate out for lunch etc.

[Boomerangs]

I'm having my 2 year olds party at 12 it's a time that suits MY child if it doesn't suit others and they don't want to come I really don't care and like others have said the toddler won't really care either at that age.
It sounds like too much hassle too if you can't drive. We have been to loads of parties for my 2 year olds friends the past year all started at a range of times and we just go with whatever my child sleeps in the car beforehand

[WigglyWooWorm]

I wasn't being goody I just didn't realise people stayed in for naps. My children are older now. I had no idea it was so common.

Id do days out at kew gardens etc which I just couldn't have done if I'd had to be in and at home at lunchtime. Or to to the beach, or to visit people, or to a park for the afternoon or anything with the older child! Surely you only do this with the first child. I am actually amazed this is common practice, that people actualky do it and I didn't know know it!!

We'd have put them down a bit earlier, or a bit later or nap in sling when small or buggy or car. It just was never something I'd have stayed in for. Wow. We've had tons of other things we found hard but never realised parents were that restricted. Makes me feel a bit more positive about "our story" When so much other stuff has been tricky.

[WigglyWooWorm]

Hula I'd have thought the same! I don't know how I didn't know others were so restricted or I'd have been more sensitive to them but maybe I just didn't meet people who did that.

[lionsleepstonight]

Well I'd not be going just due to the fact I had to pay for a taxi to the party!

My dc were totally routine in terms of naps, and completely inflexible. When I had invites over nap time it would cause me real stress as I knew I'd be the one with the wining crying child who'd not go and play. I know all my other friends who did not do routines thought I was mental for working round naps, But it suited us.

I had a car though, so could arrive, then leave early if needed. Do you have some one who could drive you and wait with you?

[catkind]

Id do days out at kew gardens etc which I just couldn't have done if I'd had to be in and at home at lunchtime.
Be fair, most kids can nap in a pushchair or sling. There's no point going to a party to do that though; and a child with a regular nap time is likely to be a whiny tantrummy horror if they try to avoid napping because of the excitement of being at a party. (My kids were super flexible non nappers, so this is observation not personal experience.)

[NuffSaidSam]

'Yes, mine slept at that time in nursery.

Because that's when they put all the children down for a mass nap, not because they wanted or needed to.'

Nope. Not basing this on nursery experience.

I did work in a nursery briefly, but majority of my experience is as a nanny.

[NotYoda]

catkind

Yes

I think people assume 'napping' means at home in a cot, and that people don't go out

Sometimes the napping was timed to be on the way home in pushchair, or in the car. Or you'd weigh up whether going to a particular event was worth going to.

[MatildaTheCat]

No brainer. Say no. Have happy day and save big money on taxi.

It's not a difficult one.

[drspouse]

wiggly our DD does nap in the buggy so e.g. for a beach day out on the train we set off early, play, have lunch probably in a cafe at the beach and then DD would probably be asleep about 1.30 walking back to the train and everyone else on the train itself

I wouldn't really expect a non-napping 3 or 4 year old to have stamina for a full day playing and it's not ideal to have 6 or so hours in the sun for small children either.

[Policom123]

I did have same problem, and was with 2 babies, nap time was at end sacred even for me! I end up running home from playgroup so kids could be in bed by 11:30am-12 noon, by the time I let my postman know to not bang on the door, no phone ringing and if anyone suggest coming to my house between nap time I would suddenly say I am busy( with 2 baby's up at 5 am, I did need a nap too) other parents wouldn't understand, because I lost some "other mums" over for refuse to go for a coffe or have a play after playgroup ( when they kids was asleep at pram) I end up doing what was best for my own sanity! Tell her that u don't feel well and don't go! If you say about the nap they will judge you and don't invite u in the future ( personal experience)

[Cutesbabasmummy]

I've just turned down a party invite for the sane reason l. My 2 year old also thrives on routine and whilst it's inflexible his happiness and health are the most important thing to me . He won't nap forever x

[Craigie]

He'll get invited to hundreds of bloody parties, don't sweat missing one which is totally inconvenient.

[Imabadmummy]

DS1 needed routine when he was young and I went through a phase where I did not go out until after nap time, wasn't worth the hassle it created if nap time was late!
He never slept right anywhere but his cot....and possibly car seat.

DS2 slept whenever, wherever so was much more flexible.

My nephew is 18 months and currently in the phase of nap before lunch, but must be in cot. He won't settle in his pram for more then 10/15 min's.

You gotta do what's best for your kids and no one else.

[clarefish333]

Just tell them you can't make it. We never went out for a full day when our eldest was under 2- he wouldn't sleep in a pushchair ever. Ever ever ever. My youngest is now 1 and is an amazing cot napper- and that trumps everything in my view. It isn't forever and those parents expressing amazement at this 'restriction'-whose babies sleep in pushchairs and whose day sleep doesn't affect the night sleep-are very fortunate! We all love our at home time during naptime- and if we need to take the eldest anywhere then we divide and conquer, or grandparents help out on occasion. Say no!

[Frustrateduselesscounsellor]

Please - save your sanity and his and don't bother going. He is 2. He has a routine. It's not so important he must break it. Just say thanks for kind invite but it's not going to work for you on this occasion. You don't need to explain why. If you like the mum / child or it bothers you to say no then - suggest another play date at a time to suit.

Honestly it's more important to stay sane and he sleeps well. Not sure eryone has a flexible child. I had one of each - you work with what you have got. He will have plenty of time for parties all his life. Just let it be.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

I wouldn't bother going, OP. We had babies who were awful without their naps. To me it just wouldn't have been worth the disruption to the rest of the day and also to nighttime sleep afterwards. But I'm afraid I would lie and give a different reason because (as proven by this thread) there are some real judgy pants people who obviously have children who will nap wherever/whenever and are totally that anybody would let something like a nap get in their way. Anybody who says this just doesn't get it. They really don't.

Every child is different and yours just happens to be a slave to their nap right now. It won't last forever. But whilst it does, there is no sense in making things harder than they need to be for the sake of a party that he will be too overtired to enjoy anyway.