To refuse party invite because it's during naptime?

[ParsleyCake]

My two year old has a two hour nap from 12-2. He does this every day and get some upset if we are late to put him down. He'll go and bang on the bedroom door so he can get into bed and nap at 12 o clock every day.

His friend is having a birthday party in a couple of days but it starts at 12 and ends at 2 - right during his nap time. How on earth do I do this? He will meltdown majorly if we are not home during that time. He really needs his naps and doesn't take well to messing with his routine. He will most likely spend the whole party screaming if we take him.

We did a practice run today, doing a fun activity during nap time to see if the fun would distract him. We took him to soft play and almost on the dot 12 o clock he started crying and fussing.

I thought about trying to wake him earlier in the morning so that he can take his nap earlier.
It'll take us an hour to get ready and to get to the party, so if it starts at 12 we'll need to wake him from his nap at 11 to get him ready and to get there in time. To have his two hour nap then, I'll put him to down at 9am. Now he usually has 5 hours between waking up at 7 and nap time at 12, so if nap time is at 9, I would need to wake him at 4am! This is just not something I want to do!


Is it unreasonable to tell his friends mum we can't make the party because it's his nap time? We're neighbours so I don't want her to think badly of us, because to my ears it sounds like a bad excuse, but I do know almost 100% that if I take him it will be a nightmare.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

re flexibility:
If it was important I would go out during naptime, but not just for a party.

[Sallystyle]

I was always lucky that my babies were all very flexible with nap times. I don't know if it was because I never put them to bed at the same time or they just weren't that type of children. Maybe a bit of both.

If you don't think it will be fun for him I wouldn't bother going. The idea is for him to enjoy it. If you don't think he will I see no point in going.

[Fruitboxjury]

I'm a slave to nap time for myself as well as my dc. They need the sleep, I need the break. I'm completely happy staying in every day between 12-2 as it's the only peace and quiet I ever get.

So for me I would selfishly be a bit annoyed that I would lose this time, but my dc would cope. I think I'd be most annoyed at how unecessary the timing is though, morning or afternoon is almost always better for everyone at that age. Especially if they won't be eating until 1-1.30... many toddlers eat at 12 and would be ravenous by then.

Sounds like a bit of a disaster but you should go and chalk it up to experience. Leave if he melts down, what's there to lose?

[MarcelineQueen]

We have similar here. Don't go out between 12-3 and DC is nearly 3

We do have some flexibility, so a friends party around the corner for an hour would be fine. Soft play the other side of town would be a nightmare, especially with public transport.

My friends all know the score re naps and are jealous my DC still naps understanding. We all tend to do stuff in the mornings as everyone's timetable is different in the afternoon.

Do whatever works best for you

[1Potato2]

Will stick ,even

[1Potato2]

I wish I'd had this thread a few years ago with my first born.
Op, sod all this people who suggest that it's odd that you won't stick to your child's routine. You know your child. Do what is best for them.

In a year or less, naps will be a glorious memory and you will have flexibility. A 2 year old really won't miss a party. It's really not worth the stress.

[Caterina99]

My 21 month old naps approx 12.30-2.30 daily, so that party would not be ideal for us at all!

Fortunately he can be flexible, so we would be able to attend if we wanted to and he would probably nap for 30 min in the car on the way home. Bit grumpy in the afternoon and earlier to bed and we'd be ok. I know some kids aren't like that though. Don't go if it's going to be a huge inconvenience for you

[AppleAndBlackberry]

I wouldn't go, it doesn't sound like it would be fun for you or DS. At 2 he's not missing out, they're not really aware of things like parties.

[NotYoda]

angel

Well Done! Three ridiculous insults in one post

[Archedbrowse]

YANBU to refuse the invite.

YWBU to accept and then no show because DC fell asleep because "everyone knows I never go out at nap time" , (not you OP, personal experience) especially if there is a numbers limit and someone else wasn't invited for your DC. Can you tell I'm talking from experience
I'd rather she'd declined the invite and said DC naps then and I can't go out, rather than accepting a place at party for her kid, failing to show, than acting all astonished that I wouldn't have realised she probably wouldn't come. (Rant over - soz!)

[angeldelightedme]

2 is definitely still a baby

A 2yo is not a baby no matter how 'definitely' you think it!

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

angel I'm sure she did want honest answers. That doesn't alter the fact that you are judgemental and actually sound a bit nasty. I don't think many of us would be interested in opinions (however honest they may be) from people like that.

[WigglyWooWorm]

Nor mine angel! Mine loved a party at 2! She stopped napping altogether shortly after 2 though.

I wouldn't be so keen on the taxis though.

[lottieandmia]

2 is definitely still a baby.

[angeldelightedme]

If the ops son has a routine, that trumps a party.
maybe in your joyless, worthy - house.Not in mine :-)

[GiGiraffe]

Angel you sound anything but delightful. If the ops son has a routine, that trumps a party.

Op it sounds like a pain in the arse all round, don't bother and just drop a gift and card in and save yourself the trouble

[angeldelightedme]

well I would hope that they wouldn't care what some randomer thinks, but presumably the Op wants honest answers not platitudes?

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

angel that all says far more about you than it does about anyone else. I don't think most parents worry about what people like you think of them to be honest.

[angeldelightedme]

He's not a little baby, he is 2.My Dc certainly wouldn't have wanted to miss a party for a nap, and as a parent i would judge you as extremely PFB and a bit of a Nervous Nellie (and a little incompetent as a mother) turning down social occasions for a toddler's nap!
Why don't you just take a pushchair and push him out if it doesn't work out

[MrsPeelyWaly]

If you are this rigid - your child will struggle in the future

Thats nonsense.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

If you are this rigid - your child will struggle in the future.

Blimey. That's a strong statement to make with such conviction and very little actual evidence...

Babies and toddlers don't generally just nap for the hell of it. They nap because they need that sleep. Some more than others. They are individuals. If someone said to you that you had to get up at 3am and go to a party for two hours, would you enjoy it? Or would you be tired and grumpy? And do you think that you should just be able to deal with that because otherwise you aren't "resilient" enough?

It's hardly spoiling a toddler if you let them nap when they're tired.

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

Cathf - I am also jumpy about anything that revolves around a child, rather than the child fitting into your plans - while we did have fixed nappers (although not by 2, sadly I wasn't get a daily break to do anything in peace for that long!), we would just juggle them, keep them awake or take the buggy they could sleep in so we could still fit them into our plans, when you get situations like this where the whole plan is supposed to be something nice for the child not the grown ups, then "will my child actually enjoy this?" matters - and it doesn't matter if it's because it's nap time, or eg your child is terrified of snakes and it's a party in a reptile house (we've had one of those invites!), if you think that your child won't actually enjoy the thing they are being invited to, then YANBU to decline it.

oh and I never really liked my DCs napping at home, it was great to arrange a late lunch with friends, feed DC earlier, walk round with them in the buggy for 10 minutes until they were asleep then park them up next to the table in the restaurant and I'd get a good 1.5 hours to eat in peace and quiet, catching up with my friend, when toddler woke up, that's when you get the bill to leave! (Or do that at a shopping centre, 1.5 hours of shopping in peace with a sleeping child in buggy, go home when they wake up) Life got a lot tougher when they stopped sleeping in the day.

[cathf]

I'm not sure how I feel about this nap rigidity.
My 3 always napped, usually after lunch, but I don;t remember any drama involving missing events and losing friends over it.
On the one hand, that breather during the day is worth its weight in gold and I was very upset when mine dropped their naps, usually at about 2.5 years old.
On the other hand, I think you do need to be a little more flexible and go with the flow rather than expecting the world to stop because your toddler was asleep (asking the postman not to knock?!)
I am also jumpy about anything that revolves around a child, rather than the child fitting into your plans, although I appreciate this is not a modern or fashionable point of view.
In the OP's position, I would have declined anyway, as the whole thing sounds a nightmare to get to, but if I had a car, I would probably have tried to fool the child's body clock by getting up later, later breakfast etc and see how it went.

[HolditFinger]

Mine always napped like clockwork too, so I used to say no to invites between 1.30-3.30. Far from finding it restrictive, this was a little slice of heaven in the day where I could put my feet up with a cup of tea and a book. I loved my quiet time.

[Serialweightwatcher]

GailTheFish good idea - it had just never occurred to me because mine were never regular at naps - used to be a nightmare trying to get them to settle for a morning nap at all, never mind on time