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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People posting picture of their ill children

262 replies

Notsowifeymaterial · 10/03/2017 13:28

So normally when I'm browsing on fb and see someone's posted a picture of their child on the sofa or in bed captioned aw my poorly baby 😢 I usually ignore it or if it's a friend I'll comment hope they feel better soon etc.
But yesterday someone on my friends list posted a picture of their child actually on a stretcher in the back of an ambulance captioned poor baby off to hospital. He's struggling to breathe.
I was imaging the scenario as this..
Paramedic - right ok we need to get this child to the hospital right now. Mum are you ready?
Mum - hang on can you just step back a sec whilst I take a photo.
Paramedic - umm.....
Mum - ok I'll just take one more so I can see which is best, ok got it. Hmm should I apply a filter. Which one will get me more likes do you think? shows paramedic the photos
Paramedic - um I'm sorry miss but we do really need to get to the hospital?
Mum - right of course. Let's go. Does the ambulance have wifi so I can post it on Facebook?
paramedic internally facepalms
BTW the child ended up being fine and is now home.
Aibu to think that that's just inappropriate for a mother to do?

OP posts:
TathitiPete · 10/03/2017 20:43

thought not 'though' I thought
sorry Blush

blonde91 · 10/03/2017 20:48

I have seen this on my Facebook before of child in back of ambulance. It's disgusting! It really bugs me when people take photos of their poorly or hurt children and put it on Facebook too! Why would you want to show the world your poorly baby and why would your child want their poorly photo everywhere!? I really don't get it. Hmm

WayfaringStranger · 10/03/2017 20:53

I don't agree with the judgemental tone but I think some people are (purposefully?) not reading the OP. There's a difference between taking a photo of your child in hospital e.g. with a plaster on their arm or in a hospital bed due to having treatment for a long-term condition and taking a photo of a totally unexpected emergency.

SauvignonBlanche · 10/03/2017 20:57

I posted a picture of DD being lifted an ambulance being taken from one hospital to another for surgery.

She was giving a thumbs up for her cousins, aunties and uncles who had seen her accident and would be worrying about her.

God people can be so judgemental, I don't care if someone thought I was attention- seeking, I know it would have reassured some family members and that's all that matters.

TheFirstMrsDV · 10/03/2017 20:57

The thread has moved on Wayfaring.
So no purposely misreading thread.
In fact on of the first few posts was someone criticising a parent for having the nerve to post a photo of his stillborn son in his arms.

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 10/03/2017 20:58

Why would you want to show the world your poorly baby and why would your child want their poorly photo everywhere!? I really don't get it. hmm

If the whole world can see your FB, you're really doing it wrong.

Again, its a way to talk to your friends and family.

TeslasDeathRay · 10/03/2017 21:02

Mergh this generation controlled by technology!! Thomas Edison was a witch! laptops are the illuminati!! Change bad. Future scary. We must live like cavemen when times were much more simple.

Biscuit
Ferlander · 10/03/2017 21:04

Having been blue lighted to hospital with my DS, I do find it incredible they are together enough to take a photo. I was holding a bowl for my DS to be sick in whilst bouncing around as we drove to hospital but terrified. That said when we got to resus things stabilised. I took a photo then. I didn't put it on FB.

The week or so spent on the wards I took photos and put them on FB. Desperate for support. Wanting sympathy and support for me and him. It was the worst weeks of my life.

I don't judge anyone for taking a photo. Perhaps surprised that in an emergency situation they are able to think straight but no judging here. Maybe they need to convey how serious and scary it is.

For those who don't like it, scroll on.

Catsize · 10/03/2017 21:07

sauvignon, if you had really wanted to do that, could you not have sent a round-robin text message?

abc12345 · 10/03/2017 21:10

I thinks it's an awful think to do- to whip out your iPhone at a moment like that! What's wrong with just being ther for your child?!

But I would I'm totally anti social
media in general. I don't believe anyone is your 'friend' or 'real' in any way. I think the whole thing is a load of false, hot air that makes normal people anxious voyeurs.

elliejjtiny · 10/03/2017 21:34

I hate these threads. Just wind your neck in, unhoik your judgy pants and be thankful it's not you and your child.

I've taken loads of photos of my son in hospital, it's part of his therapy to help him cope with the trauma he has been through. Some photos I put on Facebook, some not. I live my life with people constantly moaning about how ds's medical problems inconvenience them. His school are already moaning about potential absences for appointments and operations and he hasn't started yet (will start in September). People moan that his existence makes them uncomfortable or scared that his medical problems will happen to their child. People dismiss his operations as being no big deal or even some kind of treat for me having an hour respite from him and a chocolate muffin in Costa. So sometimes I post a photo of him dozing in his hospital bed or riding down to theatre on a toy tractor. To remind people that we are still here and a message of good luck or sympathy wouldn't go amiss.

SauvignonBlanche · 10/03/2017 21:38

Catsize, I'm one of 6 siblings, my DH is one of 5, we're all very close.
My 18 DN's age from 34 to 0, my DD has a LOT of friends.

If you think you can search all that lot from the back of an ambulance I can only suspect you've never been in one? Hmm

My FB settings are very tight and are mostly my extended family who are spread across the globe. But you judge away.

hazeyjane · 10/03/2017 21:54

Jesus, some people just need to learn to hide people on their feed if they don't like their posts. People that hate fb, well obviously you're going to hate this as well, so la di dah.

I have people on my fb feed who 'get it' far more than people in rl, when it comes to having a child with complex health needs, some of them I haven't even met.

Emeraldie · 10/03/2017 22:07

The posts I've seen of this nearly always have a self depreciating 'Oh dear' tone to them...and nothing hugely serious but dc sleeping on laps with infections or clearly flushed or covered in pox.

I don't do it because of one scenario I've seen...a few years ago a woman I worked with posted statuses and a couple of pics of her dd with 'oh dear, pox has hit the Jones household!' type comments....fairly bright and breezy. A few days later her dd died...just one of those incredibly rare cases of CP with complications.

It made me feel sick to think of those posts where she was making light of her dd's illness (not in a judgy way, in a spine chilling way)...the fact that she had no idea what was coming. And now every year on her memories, she'll have those posts appearing.

I can't bear seeing pictures of ill children on fb now, it just gives me the shivers.

limitedperiodonly · 10/03/2017 22:17

You should report that paramedic OP.

I would, for allowing someone to interfere with the care of a critically ill patient.

As an A&E nurse - I couldn't help noticing you mentioned that - you surely would never allow that to happen to someone in your care.

He or she should be easy to trace.

Why don't you report your concerns to the health authority rather than Mumsnet?

Or perhaps it didn't happen in the way that you imagined

RosyGold · 10/03/2017 22:21

I have a "friend" on FB that's posts literally everything in her life. From Goodfellas frozen pizzas to 10+ photos of her ill child in hospital. Unnecessary IMO but I just scroll past, it doesn't affect my life.

Mysteriouscurle · 11/03/2017 00:06

But how is the child going to feel about it when they grow up. It was bad enough growing up in the 70s with the odd embarrassing photo getting shown to an odd granny here and an auntie there but this is there forever for anyone to see. I certainly wouldnt thank someone for posting a pic of me looking crap

melissasummerfield · 11/03/2017 00:11

I agree, I cant cope with extreme oversharers! It would never occur to me to take a photo of my child in an ambulance, i just dont get it...

Primaryteach87 · 11/03/2017 00:25

When my baby was in hospital I took photos because actually there's a lot of waiting and wishing and hoping. Often you aren't required to DO anything so taking photos was actually my way of documenting and processing what was happening aS well as seeing the improvements. I didn't post them on Facebook but did send them to close family & godparents on whatsapp. They wanted to know how he was doing and appreciated the updates.

I think you are being overly judgey..

MamaMagellanic · 11/03/2017 00:32

Do you have any idea how isolating it can be having a child in hospital? How scared and vulnerable it makes you feel? Maybe that parent needed some support.

Stop judging and mind your own.

Original poster
Notsowifeymaterial · 11/03/2017 01:12

Limitedperiodonly. There is no way would
I put someone's job at risk when I wasn't physically there to see if they knew about it.
Mamamagellanic. For the 100th time I am not talking about people who need support for when they have children in hospital. It is about being in the emergency situation

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 11/03/2017 08:22

Here is a video of my mother writhing in agony in hospital'. Never seen one of those. Wonder why...

This.

limitedperiodonly · 11/03/2017 10:13

Exactly OP. You weren't there. You don't know what happened.

But you have a whole fantasy scenario going on which has the paramedic hanging about to let the woman take her photo and possibly endangering a critically ill child. In your experience as an A&E nurse, is that likely?

I imagine the paramedic did their duty to their patient to ensure they were taken to hospital asap and the woman took a photo of it. I don't know why someone would do that, but there's no cause for alarm, is there?

TheOnlyLivingToyInNewYork · 11/03/2017 10:19

I think there is a glaring point being missed here. If you truly think this "friend" of yours was actually taking photos when her child was critical, or still in a full emergency situtation, and she was posting on FB instead of looking after her child, then you are saying she is a very bad, uncaring, neglectful parent.
Are you truly saying that? Or is it far more likely that by that point there was no actual danger, that the child was known to be fine, and thats when she took a pic?

Catsize · 11/03/2017 11:38

sauvignon, I'm not judging. I am allowed to think it is in poor taste and disrespectful. That isn't being judgmental. And yes, I have had 999 calls for my children thank you. In three different countries so far - albeit not 999 in the other two of course!
However, I tend to find that a text to one relative/group text with a request to tell the others if need be is enough.
But then I have yet to put a picture of either of my children on social media.

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